Our Halcyon Days
by sans nom
Summary: Three years ago, after defeating Belial Vamdemon, the gate closed forever. Childhood has ended. Real life begins. AU (sorta). Chapter 16: "Sora…" His tone made her look back at him – at his warm brown eyes. "You have the freedom to live your own life. What are you so afraid of?"
1. Shyness Is Nice

A/N: Hi and welcome to a brand new spankin' fic after five long years. This might be AU in a sense that although Digimon Adventure and 02 took place, all the digimon returned to the digital world after the gate closed. Don't ask me why because it's not part of the story. I just had problems inserting Pata-chan and the rest into this fic so I decided to leave them out. If you read on, you'll eventually understand why. I hope.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 1 – Shyness Is Nice

 _Shyness is nice, and,  
_ _Shyness can stop you,  
_ _From doing all the things in life,  
_ _You'd like to._

"It's going to be okay."

She blinked, willing his words to dictate her fate for this school year. Her tiny fingers grasped a pale pink handkerchief, her favorite one. All around her, students exchanged greetings, hugs and little gifts. She hated first days. There were too many new things happening – someone wonderful leaving, someone horrible arriving, new problems needed to be solved, awful teachers, lockers that refused to close correctly…

She'd have nightmares at the start of classes, summer camp (when she wasn't sick), summer cram school. The night before the first day of junior high, was the worst one. She dreamt she had fallen into a giant hole filled with an infinite amount of papers. There were quizzes, homework, reaction papers, projects, essays, math drills, maps. Her classmates were climbing on top of each other to reach the top of the pit where the teacher was droning on and on about needing to pass the entrance exams to senior high school. Around her, students were frantically pushing and shoving. She just stood there, frozen in panic until she was buried under a mass of squirming limbs, crumpled sheets of paper. Until she could barely see Masahiro-sensei above them. Until she could barely breathe.

"Hikari."

Her brother's firm voice snapped her back to reality. _Breathe, Hikari. You're being ridiculous._

"Hey," he ruffled her hair playfully as if she were eight again. Back when things were easy. Back when there were no nightmares. Back when she didn't have to deal with anxiety every single stupid day. He grinned and she felt envious. She wished she was as sure as he was. "I'll swing by later to pick you up, okay?" He slung his backpack over his shoulder. Suddenly, a crowd of students rushed between them, separating the siblings, pushing him away from her. She felt her throat closing up.

 _Why can't I do this?_

"Taichi!"

His voice was now distant, but the tone was still as confident as ever. "You'll be fine! I'll see you later."

And he's gone.

The poor handkerchief in her hand had been wrung to death. She stared at its distorted pattern of orange cats. Concentrating on their beady eyes and blocking out the noise of everyone around her, she took deep breaths until her breathing was a rate not comparable to racing cars. Her heartbeat decelerated soon after, followed by her muscles relaxing. She felt her mind become clear again. "One foot in front of the other," she muttered quietly while walking slowly past rows of lockers, until she reached hers – with a wonderful sight greeting her. A wonderful, golden sight.

His comforting smile had her already feeling better.

"They transferred mine to the one next to yours!" he rejoiced while taking her book bag for her. He had already stuck a picture of him and her with the rest of the chosen children on the inside of the door.

"What about Yoko?" she asked, bewildered, referring to the previous owner of the locker.

He shrugged in answer. "Maybe she moved." His smile faded and he took her hand that had started to curl tightly around her handkerchief. Her stomach started to twist painfully.

 _Someone leaves._

"Hikari," he told her gently, "you hated how she would slam her locker door."

Her cheeks reddened. "I… I liked her. She always helped me with my books and told me my pictures were nice. She was nice."

"I'm a better neighbor, I promise," he smiled, and she's warm all over again. Takeru always did that to her, made her feel good. If Yoko had to go, Takeru would be more than enough to fill the void. _This was fine._

His fingers wrapped around hers, over the pink cloth. "Change is good."

 _This was good. She could do this._ "Change is good," she echoed.

Satisfied, he tugged at their joined hands to the general direction of senior year classrooms. She let him. "Come on, let's figure out our room so we can get seats together."

 _This was good. Change is good._

She smiled for the first time that day.

* * *

She had to admit, Takeru in the seat to her left, and the view of the sun and the cherry blossom trees behind him had her feeling much better a few hours later. The lessons were more difficult, but juku lessons from last year always kept her on her toes. _Then again, there's the entrance exam at the end of the year and it's probably a hundred times more difficult…_

She shook her head to stop herself from thinking about her nightmares.

"Oi! Hikariiiiiiiii!"

Takeru cheerfully waved at a screaming, green-colored blur making a beeline for their table in the cafeteria. The figure tripped over a couple of chairs and tables earning yells from hungry students. Not to be deterred, the boy continued to mow down everything (and everyone) else in his path until he planted himself on the seat across Hikari.

Daisuke Motomiya had always been a show. Everything about him was amusing – his messy hair, wild eyes, boisterous laugh, big hand gestures. He could read a book on plate tectonics and make it sound like an action movie. He, like Takeru, always cheered her up within minutes.

Like then, as he was chewing on rice balls and telling them about Jun and his mother's argument over her unhealthy obsession on Ishida Yamato, bits of rice flying everywhere, she could not stop herself from laughing.

Takeru would have laughed too, if the story did not involve Daisuke's mother finally discovering Jun's mini-shrine dedicated to Yamato. It even had a chewed-up piece of gum with his saliva on it!

She could tell Yamato's younger brother was already creeped out by the way his left eye was twitching uncontrollably. Her hand found its way to his knee which was bouncing crazily under the table. She squeezed gently and he stopped.

"Daisuke," she said sweetly. "Let's talk about something else. I don't think Takeru enjoys this as much as I do."

"Oops, sorry," he replied while grinning sheepishly at Takeru. "Sometimes, I forget you're related to Yamato."

"I know. Maybe if I smiled less, it would be more obvious."

"Takeru!" she admonished. "You cannot NOT smile."

He scowled at her for a full five seconds before finally breaking into a large grin, nose crinkling. "You're right."

"So, how was Kyoto?" she asked Daisuke, changing the subject for Takeru's sake.

The question earned a series of funny stories about his misadventures. The brunette was in the middle of recounting a tale about getting lost in the lingerie section of a mall when Hikari felt a light brush on her arm.

Takeru dropped a sugared plum into her bento box while mouthing a 'thank you.'

"You're welcome," she whispered back.

Daisuke's voice reached an impossibly high pitch while describing how the women's underwear on display smelled like his grandmother's powdery perfume. He was guffawing every few words.

And she was giggling with Takeru between bites of homemade sushi, nightmares long forgotten.

 _Taichi's right. She was going to be fine._

* * *

A/N: So after writing the first half of this giant fic, Digimon Adventure Tri came out. (Yes, I've finished writing drafts of the first 8 chapters before even posting the first chapter. This is because I have a nasty habit of not finishing multi-chapter fics). Just a warning, I wrote this bit a year before Tri came out so yeah, I obviously did not take any of the occurrences there into account. Meiko doesn't exist in this universe. The 02 children, though not in the main storylines, will get some moments because I'm not an asshole, unlike Toei. *eyeroll*

"Juku" is a Japanese term for cram school, which most high school students attend in addition to regular classes.

Song is "Ask" by The Smiths.


	2. You Can See But You Can't Hear Me

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 2 – You Can See But You Can't Hear Me

 _Everybody calls me the quiet one,  
_ _But you just don't understand.  
_ _You can't listen you won't hear me,  
_ _With your head stuck in the sand._

 _I ain't never had time for words that don't rhyme.  
_ _My head is in a cloud,  
_ _I ain't quiet –_

 _Everybody else is too loud._

There's something wrong.

Izumi Koushirou, eleventh year student, vice president of the computer club, only son of Izumi Masami and Kae, scratched his nose in mild confusion. Coding errors rarely stumped him for so long a time. _Strange, that should have worked._

The error message popped up again. Five minutes later, after continuous typing, and he began to feel the simmer of frustration at the pit of his stomach. _Just one last try…_

Error. _Dammit._

Everyone in the room stared at the angry teen with raised eyebrows. He shrank back in embarrassment. Had he cursed out loud by mistake?

The door squealed open in the most annoying way he could possibly imagine. This day just kept getting better; and by better, of course, he meant worse. The brand new programming book he had been harping about, which his father bought for him in Osaka, had been forgotten in the mad rush to get to Odaiba Senior High. One of the buttons of his new blue school coat fell off. _Why were school uniforms so complicated?_ And just his luck, Hiromi, the president of the computer club assigned him to recruit new members. Him, him of all people.

"What?" His voice cracked in irritation for being interrupted.

"Ahem."

The familiar voice made him look up. Inoue Miyako's hesitant face and her giant flashing spectacles greeted him. _Miyako? Why was she here? And why was she wearing the same uniform as his female counterparts? Was she in her tenth year already? Wait…_

"Um…" She took his questioning look as an invitation to enter the room. Inoue Miyako, he felt, always took charge of every conversation. "Is this the computer room?"

He gestured to the rows of desktop computers around him and the constant clacking of keys being hit at record speed. "This is it. May I help you?"

She grinned at last and flashed her famous peace sign. "Koushirou, you are so silly! I'd like to help you! I want to join the computer club."

 _Right. Of course. Silly Koushirou._ Today was definitely an off day for him. He felt Hiromi hurrying to Miyako's other side to block her only escape route. As if she would change her mind. Inoue Miyako, though she eerily reminded him of Mimi, was exceptionally gifted with understanding and applying computer programming. She manipulated the language like she did the spoken one, making people twice her age obey her every command, or agree with her every statement. It was a skill he wished he possessed – communicating with people, not computers. He already did the latter well. Even Miyako knew that he was miles ahead of her at that aspect.

"Excellent," he stated, before Hiromi could sneak a word in. Recruiting was his job, after all. "You can give Kenta," he gestured to the club's secretary, "your membership form after the meeting. But first, how about you take the terminal next to mine so we can begin?"

He could swear he just saw her glasses glint mischievously. "Conquering the digital world?"

"Er," he scratched his nose. "Not exactly. The school's firewall has been causing problems with accessing certain journals. I've been trying to re…"

"Not to worry, Sempai! I'll do everything in my power to help you solve this mystery!"

"Mystery," he sweat-dropped. "Not exactly the first word I would use to describe this situation. 'Problem' would have been a better choice."

"Did you say something?" The underclassman was already typing up a storm on her own computer.

"Oh, no. Don't mind me. Carry on."

 _These next two years ought to be interesting. I can convince her to help me with my secret project. Hiromi won't even notice that we're both doing something on the side. I might even finish before high school ends. Maybe I can use it for my university application._

The two worked for quite a while, until Koushirou, with a bit of Miyako's help, finally had a sort of breakthrough. They were in the middle of a small argument on whose version of the code was more efficient when the door burst open and an earsplitting scream filled up the entire computer room.

"Koushi! Are you in here?"

 _What in heaven's name..?_

Miyako peered around him to identify the owner of the said voice, and in a shriller (as if it were possible) tone squealed, "MIMI!"

The two girls ran into each others' open arms, jumped up and down repeatedly while shrieking like monkeys. In the computer room. Screaming in his sacred space.

Koushirou was perplexed. Speechless, possibly deaf, and utterly flummoxed. What was happening? Why was Mimi in Odaiba?

"Koushi!" Mimi suddenly jerked him out of his seat and into her and Miyako's circle of crazy.

He felt faint.

"Come on. Aren't you glad to see your good friend, Mimi? Give me a hug!"

"Can we do this outside?" he hissed. He could feel the eyes of the club members on him again. It was becoming a habit, being the center of attention since becoming vice president. "We're working."

Mimi pouted her lips in response. "It's been almost three years and this is how you say hello? You better buy me an ice cream cone for hurting my feelings!"

The irritated boy propelled his two loud, female friends outside the door, and all the way down the hallway. "Mimi, please give me a break. Of course I missed you. But did you have to scream my eardrums off? And I wasn't joking. The computer club was busy with the firewall issues. Miyako and I were on the verge of solving it."

"Oh blah blah blah." She rolled her eyes. "Get your bags. We're going to the café for some ice cream."

"B-but…"

"And you're treating because you're being mean to me."

Miyako wagged her index finger at him as if scolding a misbehaving child. "She's right, you know. We all missed Mimi a lot. Let's give her a little welcoming party."

The strawberry blond brightened up after Miyako's suggestion. After collecting their things, the two girls happily skipped to their destination, talking nonstop, followed by a despondent Koushirou.

 _Oh well, he could always go to school early tomorrow.  
_

* * *

Takenouchi Sora messily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand while her left one was occupied by Ishida Yamato's. Koushirou watched as the older boy whispered something in her ear, reached into his back pocket, then handed her a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. It's a simple series of gestures, but he knew Sora appreciated it very much judging from the way she stroked his fingers with her thumb before taking the piece of cloth.

Behind the couple, Kido Jyou stood stock still, both hands fisted, trying his hardest not to cry with her. Everyone knew how ugly Jyou cried – like an overgrown baby without his milk. Yagami Taichi told him that once.

He had not cried in front of his friends since.

Speaking of his bushy-haired friend, he had arrived just in the nick of time to wish Mimi a hurried goodbye before she boarded the plane bound for New York. He was still panting while he pulled her into a bear hug. Koushirou looked for the athlete's hands and found them patting Mimi's hair comfortingly, while she shook from tears she always shed whenever her vacation in Japan had reached its end.

"You'll be back next year," he heard him tell her.

She nodded before reluctantly pulling away from his embrace. She turned to face all of them.

"We should make the next trip longer, I think. This vacation was way too short."

He felt the corners of his mouth turn up automatically. She would say this every year at the airport. Probably because she meant it. Mimi, out of all of them, had the most trouble keeping her emotions hidden.

"You say that every time, but you always stay for exactly two weeks," Jyou piped up from the back.

Koushirou turned to him in surprise. Jyou still had both fists at his side, face looking forlorn. His gaze traveled back to Mimi's slight hurt and confusion as she regarded the would-be doctor. Her slender fingers slowly reached out to Jyou, but suddenly dropped to her side as she changed her mind.

"Darling, let's go," Tachikawa Satoe, her mother, called from inside the boarding gate.

"Just a minute, Mama," she called back. "Jyou, I'll try harder next time," she promised as earnestly as she could.

"I'm sure you will, Mimi." Taichi.

"Don't worry about us." Yamato.

"You should go…" Jyou.

Sora's gentle but clear voice cut through the awkward stammering like a sword. "Just come home soon," she said with a soft smile. "We'll always be here, waiting."

Mimi's brilliant smile lit up her face as she ran to hug Sora (and Yamato's arm) one last time before swiftly boarding the plane that would take her 11,000 kilometers away from all of them.

Koushirou looked ashamedly at his hands – not doing anything, not holding anyone.

He had not uttered a single word during the entire exchange.

* * *

"So, what brings you here?" the confused boy asked in between sips of strawberry milkshake. _How appropriate to order a bright pink drink to go with a girl sitting across the table from him wearing the loudest pink dress she could find on earth. God, she's like a walking, talking, living strawberry._

"Yeah, you were just here a few weeks ago. Don't you have school?"

The bubbly teen pursed her lips while grinning mysteriously. Her hands toyed with the green plastic spoon that came with her chocolate sundae.

 _She's making us wait. She's teaching me a lesson._

"Mimi, tell us!" Miyako cried impatiently.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Only if Mister Grumpy-Pants over here will ask me nicely. I'm still upset from earlier.

"I did ask nicely. I said, 'What brings you here?' How is that mean?"

"You. Haven't. Said. Sorry. Yet," she reminded him, jabbing firmly at his chest after each stressed syllable.

He sighed, willing every last ounce of his patience. _You owe her this much, idiot. Especially after that cold goodbye last summer_.

"Okay," he started again, more cautiously this time. "I'm very sorry about giving you a less than…" he closed his eyes to grasp for the correct word. "Enthusiastic welcome." He saw her smile again and this made him relax. "I was too excited going through a critical system code with Miyako," he quickly added. "So once again, what brings you here?"

Mimi's eyes flashed joyously as she held up a v sign. "I'm moving back!"

"WHAT?"

Koushirou winced at the shrill cry from his seatmate. His lavender-haired underclassman slammed both palms on the table causing their eating utensils to rattle. _Why were most girls so loud and emotional all the time? Was there no beauty in restraint anymore?_

"It's actually a wild story. My father got offered a job in Tokyo this summer, but he wasn't too sure about accepting it because it meant moving the entire family again, just when we were getting used to New York. I think they liked his work more while he was in Japan, which sounds silly if you ask me because Papa is amazing no matter where you put him. Anyway, I didn't tell you guys anything yet because I wanted it to be a surprise."

 _It's amazing how she can say so much in one breath. A normal human such as himself with a normal physiology would have been blue from lack of oxygen._

"I can't wait to see Sora! We should have an all-girl sleepover soon, Miyako!"

The younger girl's eyes sparkled as she clasped both of Mimi's hands. "Yes! We should! I'll take care of the food. We have more than enough. We can do it at Sora's, I'm sure her mother wouldn't mind. And I can call Hikari-chan to schedule before school gets too complicated…"

"That's great, Mimi," he said evenly.

"Could you be more excited? You sound like I do when I'm working at Ai-Mart."

He would've laughed at her snark if he wasn't feeling another headache coming up. Something to do with too much hugging and high-pitched screams.

"Oh don't worry, Miyako," Mimi interrupted, patting her arm reassuringly. "He acts and talks like that, but deep down, I know he cares for all of us. That's how Koushirou truly is and we all love him for it."

He felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He hated the feeling of embarrassment. It twisted his stomach and made him blush bright red, which was impossible to miss with his pale, Japanese complexion. On girls, and maybe the Ishida brothers because everything they did looked ridiculously attractive (it's just not fair), blushing looked cute. On him, however…

Both the girls were giggling at his discomfort, at his expense. He had to put a stop to this immediately.

"Ah Mimi," he started after clearing his throat. "Are you going to Odaiba High with us?"

She nodded while licking the last remnants of her ice cream. He suddenly had a wild urge to wipe the chocolate stain at the corner of her mouth. "Papa fixed it so I can join your class. The teachers were worried I might be behind on my Japanese, but I'll prove them wrong. Sora promised to help me with some of lessons, and I've enrolled in juku classes too."

His sharp eyes caught the tiny flicker of apprehension in hers before it quickly dissolved into confidence and certainty not unlike their senior, Taichi. _Bits of him must be rubbing off on her. I wish he'd share some of his courage with me as well._

He glanced down on his hands placed neatly on his lap. Hope filled his heart. _Maybe, just maybe, Mimi could help him with his demons_.

"That's great Mimi," he replied with more sincerity this time. "I'm really glad you're here," he added. Because he meant it.

* * *

A/N: Koushi is such a ridiculous nickname, right? He probably hates it. I was thinking Koushi-kun or Shirou-kun would've ticked him off too. LOOOL. Anyway, Koushirou was fun to write. His POV is snarky and hilarious. I hope to have more chapters on him.

Juku, again, is a Japanese cram school. It would make sense for most of the children to be attending some sort of one because in my head, they're all studious kids.

Song is "The Quiet One" by The Who.


	3. Miss You Love

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 3 – Miss You Love

 _But I'm not too sure,  
_ _How I'm supposed to feel,  
_ _Or what I'm supposed to say.  
_ _Not too sure how it feels,  
_ _To handle everyday._

"Akira, it's okay," he reassured his distressed friend. He looked to the other two boys with him for more support. "Right, Yutaka? Takashi?"

"Oh absolutely!" the band's drummer, Yutaka agreed, maybe a bit too enthusiastically for Yamato's taste. "I have loads of homework anyway. And our next gig isn't for a few weeks."

"Don't get too broken up about it," Takashi patted the depressed guitarist on his back. "I'm sure she'll miss you too much to stay away."

Yamato snorted into his hand to keep from laughing. Although it had been no surprise to the three that Akira and his longtime girlfriend, Yuuna were, yet again, fighting over god knows what, they always forgave each other. They were like two magnets alternating on similar and opposite poles – with a hundred times more drama.

He grabbed his bass and placed it inside its case. Behind him, his bandmates continued to cheer up Akira about the joys of a single, albeit temporary, life.

 _It won't work though,_ he muses silently. Akira would sew himself onto her skin if he could. The poor guy had been head-over-heels since the tender age of eight; it's been more than nine years.

 _That's one year longer than my parents' marriage_.

His jaw tightened involuntarily.

 _More than double my relationship with Sora_ … _God, stop it Yamato…_

Cold fingers gripped the handles of the guitar case on the floor. He swung it over his shoulder and picked up his school bag. "Hey, I gotta go. I'm hoping to catch Sora before she finishes practice."

"Yo Yamato, are you sure we can learn the new song by next week?"

"Sure we can, man. Just take it easy."

He jogged all the way to the other side of the school grounds where the tennis courts were. Singles practice was halfway done by the time he settled down on his spot underneath the shade of a maple tree. His eyes scanned the courts for a certain ginger-haired player and found her taking a break on the far side. He took out his physics homework. Numbers relaxed him, like music and rhythm. His friends (Taichi, especially) found it weird that the Teen-Age Wolves' front man was a math geek, but finding order in chaos intrigued him a lot.

Yamato had finished two problems before he realized Sora had already resumed playing. He allowed himself to be distracted by the fluidity of her movements with each winner she hit. Her poor opponent didn't stand a chance. _Plus, the spectacular view of her short white tennis skirt paired with her long, tanned legs didn't hurt…_

 _I don't deserve her._

The icy feeling returned, creeping up his back and neck, encircling his chest, his throat, causing his breathing to become hitched. A million reasons for her leaving him danced in his mind – malicious little waltzes adding to his fear.

 _Cold. Insensitive. Selfish. A failure. Useless. Coward._

 _Everything_ _ **he**_ _was, he was not._

The crack of a racket brought him back to the tennis courts. Sora looked at him from across the net with piercing red eyes.

He summoned all his energy to grin at her and wave. She returned his smile and reassumed her receiving stance.

Looking down at his lap, his half-finished homework greeted him – difficult equations that made a lot more sense to him than his emotions. He proceeded to answer the third problem.

And the fourth. And the fifth. He was thinking about starting his history essay when a shadow fell over his lap. He looked up.

"Not fair. You finished it."

He blinked. "Well, hello to you too."

He couldn't help but notice her tiny grimace. A small laugh escaped him as she tried to sneak a peek at his answers.

"It's okay. You can copy it later while I watch TV, or nap, or something."

Sora huffed in mock offense. "Excuse me?" I'll answer them myself, Mister I'm-so-great-it-hurts. I'm just really disappointed. I was really hoping we could do it together."

Sighing, the boy stuffed his books into his backpack. A small piece of paper slipped out from between the pages and fluttered to the ground. "Sora, we've spent the last two weeks doing nothing but homework and advanced reading. Even Koushirou thinks we're over-studying. Can't we take it easy this afternoon?"

"We need to get good grades for Uni, remember?"

 _Sigh._ He picked up the flier and waved it in front of Sora's face. She frowned and grabbed it from his long fingers. Her eyebrows furrowed as she read the tiny print.

"Well can we at least go to Aqua City first? Gackt's album just came out."

Sora crossed her arms and pretended to consider his request for a bit.

"Come on, Sora!" he pouted.

Her sweet, teasing laughter rang in his ears as she reached for his hand. "Let's go," she agreed.

They went to the record store first. He left her in the Pop section while he proceeded to the opposite side. He loved browsing music stores. He usually started at the New Releases section because he was always curious to listen to new artists, different songs. Then, he'd go to the Classical section because quite honestly, he preferred the lyrical quality of an upright base, and tried to evoke a similar feel with his own playing. World Rock was next because he could never have too many rock albums. J-Rock was usually last – just to scope out the competition. Not that he nor the band had plans of becoming the next L'Arc-en-Ciel. He just liked being kept on his toes.

He ended up buying three records. They went to a popular shop for teen girls next. He bought Sora a heart-shaped hairclip with deep, red rhinestones. Though he recalled Taichi warning him of Sora's violent tendencies toward hair accessories, he took the risk after seeing her repeatedly push her hair behind her ears while studying at home. He'd do it for her a few times, but realized he allowed himself to be distracted by her hair, her eyes and every other part of her face way too much.

He carefully pinned her stubborn bangs with the newly purchased item. She smiled at her reflection on the display window outside.

"It's beautiful!" she gushed, throwing her arms around his neck and pecking his cheek affectionately.

 _You're beautiful._ "You're welcome."

* * *

For as long as he could remember, Yamato usually came home to an empty apartment. His father, being the busy career man he was, was never home early except for his yearly leave every summer and Yamato's birthday. Of course, with his job requiring him to be working especially during holidays, he had no choice but to comply with such a punishing schedule. But Yamato always chose to believe that his father loved him enough to skip work on his natal day.

"I'm home!" he called to no one in particular, earning a giggle from Sora. She went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, while he sauntered to the living room. _Weird. Was he hearing noises coming from inside?_

He nearly dropped his things when he saw Takeru sitting on the couch, staring listlessly at the television in front of him.

"Shit! I thought you were a burglar! Why the hell didn't you tell me you were coming over?"

His brother glanced at him dully before looking away. "Mom's not home."

He paused. "Oh. Does she have a new assignment?"

He realized Takeru was still in his school uniform, which meant he came straight from school.

"Nah."

Silence, save for the stupid mayonnaise commercial blaring from the T.V.

"Okaaaaay… I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. Sora's here, by the way. We'll be doing homework because she thinks its fun."

"Mom has a date."

He said it so venomously that it caught Yamato by surprise. He sat down on the couch beside the younger boy.

"Oh." _It was all he could think of_.

 _Really Mom? Today of all days?_

"I can't stand him, Yamato. He talks about nothing but himself. He thinks he's so cool being the newest column writer of Odaiba Shimbun. I'm shocked Mom is wasting her time on him."

 _Whoa._ Rarely did he hear biting words from his younger brother. From his own mouth, maybe; but Takeru was the nicer brother. Only Devimon, Ken (when he was still in his Kaiser persona) and MaloMyotismon managed to piss him off.

"Um, maybe she just wanted to be polite."

He watched Takeru's eyes narrow for a few seconds, then oddly brighten at his suggestion. "Yeah, you're probably right," he agreed, sounding more like himself.

 _It was eerie how he could turn on his 'happy switch' just like that._ Yamato made a mental note to bring this up again after a few days. Just to make sure Takeru was truly okay.

He heard his brother sigh, and clicked the television off. "Gotta go. They cancelled basketball practice today, so I was thinking of practicing in the park. You wanna come?"

He shook his head. "Sorry, Takeru. I've got stuff to do. Maybe tomorrow, or later this week. You can have dinner here, if you want."

His brother's smile unnerved him. It was fake, he could tell. But only because he knew Takeru his entire life. He hated when he did this. Their mother would do it too. It was like they had this compulsion to appear cheery all the time.

"Nah. Sora will keep you company though. Tomorrow's better, I think. I'll see ya." He waved through the crack of the front door, and was gone.

Yamato sighed and made his way to the dining table where Sora had already spread out her homework.

"Okay, Physics Boy. You're going to let me handle this without your running commentary, understand? If I need help, I'll ask you."

"Something is bothering Takeru."

Her determined look immediately softened at his words. She handed him a cup of tea which he gratefully accepted.

"Mom is dating this guy and he's furious about it. Then he suddenly smiles like it's okay."

Sora bit her lip as she considered everything he had just told her. She took a sip of her own tea, and set it down next to his. "Maybe he just needs time – to sort out his feelings."

He frowned at her. "I'm just worried about him. Since Patamon returned to the digital world three years ago, something in him changed. I feel a lot of pent-up anger in him. He refuses to let it out, but I know if he doesn't release it, it's just going to get worse…"

"Yamato," her tone was tender, calming. "Takeru's fourteen now. He's been through horrible things, but he handled them all really well. Just give him a chance to do things his own way. He'll come to you when he needs you."

"Besides," she added after some consideration, "he has Hikari too. She'll make sure that what you're worried about won't ever happen."

He felt her fingers slide into and intertwine with his. He lifted their joined hands to his face and touched the back of her hand to his lips.

Her smile reassured him. It always did.

* * *

She was humming his song.

Yamato stopped staring at the T.V., and fixed his attention on his girlfriend who was intently answering the last physics problem. He watched as she mouthed the chorus while tapping her pen softly against her notebook.

He asked her to sing a duet with him once. He was writing a love song for a Valentines' day concert when he had the great idea of having a boy and a girl sing it together. She refused reasoning she had a horrible singing voice, and that Mimi would be the better choice. Though she was partially correct, the primary reason he asked her was because he liked how she sang his songs. Even the cheesiest lines sounded sweet coming from her mouth.

"Yamato?"

Mimi eventually did sing at the concert. The song was such a hit the band recorded it as a single that spring. Yet he kept going back to the first time he heard it in its intended form – in his living room one late afternoon, with Sora softly singing those lines with him.

"Yamato?"

He blinked and realized she was looking at him quizzically. She had also stopped singing.

"Are you okay? You looked deep in thought."

 _Just tell her, Yamato. It's not rocket science._

"It's um…" _I'm so scared, Sora._ "Today is…" _She left us. She left me. She left me today._

"I-It's… four hundred thirty-five kilometers," he mumbled, defeated.

"What?"

"It's the answer… for problem number five." _Coward_.

A slight tug at his sleeve made him look up from his lap. Sora had turned away from her worksheet and was looking at him worriedly. He broke her gaze, but a hand on his chin brought his eyes back to lock with hers.

"Yama," she whispered. "What is it?"

"I-it's… nothing…"

"Tell me."

Yamato shut his eyes to hide from her probing gaze. He was afraid they would give everything away – his frustrations, his failures, his fears…

Soft, feather-light kisses against the skin of his eyelids swiftly broke his resolve. Her fingers had made their way from his face to his tightly fisted hands. Slowly, he uncurled them.

"Let me in, Yamato. Please…"

He didn't bother fighting. With a sigh, he folded his body into hers. He did not realize he had been shaking until her warmth stopped him.

"It's been 10 years… since the divorce."

 _Ice-cold. That was how Sora described him the first time. Taichi laughed it off and challenged him to a football match, saying sports always broke the ice. But Sora… she never did give up trying to free him from his prison. Little by little, she chipped the ice. He valiantly resisted at first, then practically begged her to continue._

 _Because he loved her._

 _Like Hiroaki loved Natsuko._

"I'm so sorry, Yama. I never even noticed."

"She has a date, according to Takeru. Dad, on the other hand, will work extra late tonight. I don't blame him. We always spent this day alone," he mumbled into her shoulder. "I just can't help thinking…"

Images of a hearty dinner with cheery conversation between four people danced in his mind. _It was his only fantasy, to have a family._

"If they did stay together 10 years ago… maybe today would have been different." His grip on her hand tightened. "It's been so long. This shouldn't hurt me anymore."

She squeezed his hand back. He finally opened his eyes to look at her. Her deep red eyes melted into the sunset outside the apartment window.

"No, it should. It should hurt you… because you are human. Because you care."

Tears he had desperately been holding back leaked from his eyes. Her hands immediately found their way to either cheek. He wanted to blink to stop himself from crying, but looking at her… seeing how much she loved him was more important.

"I'm sorry, Sora. I am such a mess…"

Her lips curved into a smile. "No, don't say that. I love when you let me see more of you."

She leaned down and gently kissed him.

"Do you want me to stay?" she mumbled into his mouth. "You don't have to be alone tonight."

 _Why do you still love me? After all I've put you through…_

"Won't your mother worry?"

"I'll call her. She'll understand."

She pulled him close to her. His pulse fluttered at the thought of not having to spend the anniversary of **this day** alone. Outside, the setting sun gradually disappeared behind the Tokyo skyline, transforming the once crimson sky a deep, midnight blue.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaand the first pairing for this fic is revealed. Yama and Sora have to be my second favorite couple. I've seen so many fics making sense of their relationship. What frustrates me is that I have such a hard time writing either of them. For Sorato veterans out there, any tips?

Aqua City is a lovely shopping mall in Odaiba. I'd like to think Yamato and Sora have their dates there.

Song is "Miss You Love" by Silverchair.


	4. Hero of the Day

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 4 – Hero of the Day

 _Hey girl we've got to get out of this place,  
_ _There's got to be something better than this.  
_ _I need you, but I hate to see you this way,  
_ _If I were Superman then we'd fly away.  
_ _Superman, Superman, wish I could fly like Superman._

 _I'm too weak, I'm so thin,  
_ _I'd like to fly but I can't even swim._

From halfway across the football pitch, he could see Yukito and Ichiro moving toward the right side of net where Souji was. All his teammates knew how he loved approaching from the right. But he had other plans today.

"Hiroto!"

The striker on his left nodded. Taichi charged toward the net, deftly avoiding the feet of his defenders. At the last second, as three players swarmed around him to block his shot, he kicked the ball toward Hiroto. It bounced against his head, past the goalie's outstretched hand, and into the upper right corner of the goal.

 _Game over_.

"Good work, Yagami!"

He turned toward Coach Ueda, who was wearing a huge grin on his face.

"We're going to win this time boys. I can feel it!"

His teammates gathered around their coach while agreeing heartily with his statement of conviction. A few of the boys clapped Taichi on the back, praising his last play.

He tried to do a similar play last year – on the championship against Onarimon – but his defenders were faster that time. He panicked, and passed the ball too early. Hiroto wasn't ready, and missed the pass.

He had yet to forgive himself for letting the whole team down. This time, there would be no room for error. The championship was theirs, and he would lead their team to it.

Hiroto walked up to the group rubbing the top of his head. "Damn Taichi, kick gentler, will ya? You almost broke my skull!"

"Sorry man," he said sympathetically. "Any softer and we would've missed."

He grimaced. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Well, let's call it a day. I want you well-rested for Shiba on Saturday."

"Okay, Coach!"

"Taichi, a word with you before you go?"

Taichi lowered his water bottle from his lips to shoot a curious glance at Hiroto, which his teammate and friend mirrored.

"Uh…"

"Probably captainship stuff," Hiroto whispered before shrugging.

Taichi blanched at this idea. The brunette jogged toward the bench where the older athlete had gone. "What did you want to tell me, Coach?"

"The team is in high spirits after last year. I have to admit, it was an amazing run. We weren't even expecting getting past the qualifiers."

The memory of his missed goal burned in his mind. It left a brand he swore his teammates could see just as clearly as him – a mark of his failure. "But Coach, we lost…"

"Taichi," the older man clapped a heavy hand on the high schooler's his shoulder. "Odaiba High has not made the quarterfinals for the past five years. You play striker and suddenly, we're up against Onarimon. The team's more confident now. And as captain, I want you to carry that confidence until the end, understand? No more second guessing yourself, or the team."

Taichi stared at his hands. Not so long ago, he carried the fate of two worlds in his two hands. He didn't even hesitate, didn't stop to think. He pushed on despite all odds to beat every monster the other side would throw at them. What was so different then that being brave felt so easy and natural? This was a football championship for god's sake. His lack of confidence was pathetic.

He lifted his eyes to meet Coach Ueda's. "Yes sir."

He really hoped he sounded way more sure than he felt.

* * *

 _The chosen child was not so invincible after all._

Taichi winced as the hot water hit his skin. He scrubbed furiously at the patches of dirt on his arms and legs.

 _You couldn't score a simple goal. You failed to win a championship._

His skin was red from the frantic scrubbing. A curse automatically escaped his lips after squeezing the shampoo bottle too hard. Excess shampoo dripped from his wet palm and swirled down the drain with the dirt and grime.

 _You couldn't protect Agumon. He disappeared behind the digital gate never to be seen again. If something happened to him… it's your fault for not stopping it._

He pulled at his hair as the suds ran down his face and into his eyes. He hated how shampoo would hurt his eyes. His sister would remind him time and time again how getting a major haircut would result in less consumption of the offending liquid. She, sensibly, always kept her hair short – short, neat and consistently floral-scented. But she hated the sting just as much as he did.

 _You can't even protect your own sister from herself._

His fist slammed into the tiled wall in front of him. His head was ringing from all his failures piling one of top of the other. Scalding water continued to pour down his back, pooling at his feet. He took a deep breath and pushed his face into the stream of water from the shower head. He stood there for a good minute, rinsing off everything – the mud and grass, the shampoo and soap suds.

He was sinking.

* * *

Quiet sobbing could be heard from the female locker room.

Taichi was on his way home, but reluctantly changed his course, heading toward the noise. He was honestly exhausted, and wanted more than anything to go home and sulk. But something in his gut told him that while the voice was familiar, something about it sounded terribly wrong. He cautiously peered into the slightly ajar door. Inside, he spotted a slim figure hunched over the bench, knees pulled up against the body, face buried in her arms. Her hair was cotton candy pink.

His overprotective side immediately took over. He pushed open the door and leapt to the distressed female's side.

"Mimi? What happened?"

He noted, when she looked up, a small gash on her left cheek, and a bruise. That and a tear-stained face.

The girl squeaked and tried to push him away. "I'm fine. Go away!"

Her arms flailed hopelessly, but his hands caught them with ease. The two played an awkward game of tug-or-war until the smaller girl finally gave up and allowed him to pull her into a weird half-embrace.

"Tell me who I should hurt," he murmured murderously. "Was it Ishikawa? I'll kill that son-of-a-bitch if he didn't step off after Yamato and I made it clear…"

"Taichi!" Mimi cried, pulling away sharply. He could see the horror in her eyes. "It wasn't him! It wasn't anyone," she sputtered out in a panic. "Please don't kill anyone! I just fell off Miki when she tried to lift me, but I'm fine! It's just a scratch."

She hurriedly rubbed her handkerchief on the sore area and flinched at the sudden contact.

He frowned at the large-ish bruise on her face. "We should go to the nurse just to make sure you didn't break anything. If you fell…"

"I'm fine Taichi," she insisted stubbornly.

Taichi blew out a puff of air in mild frustration. "Well if you're going to be a brat about it, at least let me clean it properly before you kick me out." He grabbed the mini first aid kit his mother packed for him from his bag, and took out alcohol swabs, a small bandage, and a disposable cold gel pack. Playing deaf to her protests, he gently dabbed at her wound.

She screwed her eyes shut while hissing from the pain.

"Sorry," he muttered. He cleaned the cut, carefully placed the bandage to cover it, and handed her the gel pack after it had cooled. "For your bruise," he offered.

She huffed, but took it anyway.

They sat together in silence, which was unusual for the two, being the most extroverted in their group of friends. His fingers found a loose thread on his pants that he started pulling at.

 _He'd be patient because this was Mimi. She absolutely hated being hurried._

"I'm sorry," she finally conceded. She bit her lip as she wiped the last traces of her tears. "I was just… really embarrassed. I fell and they were all laughing. I don't like being laughed at."

"They didn't even help you?"

She shrugged. "I guess I didn't need it."

"Mimi," he said while gesturing to her face. "You have a bleeding wound and a huge fucking bruise on your face. I think that's enough reason for them to act concerned."

Her eyes faltered for a bit. She tightened her grip on the cold pack. "Cheerleaders fall all the time. I don't want them to think I'm a baby."

"Hey," he interjected, squeezing her arm reassuringly. "You survived in the digital world for months without any adults and saved the world multiple times. There's no way in hell you're a baby."

His friend gave him a tiny smile before slowly standing up. "We should go. I still have juku classes."

"Forget that. I think falling off a pyramid and wounding your pride needs some ice cream to feel better."

"Ice cream?" She immediately brightened at his idea.

"That or milk tea?" He frowned in thought. "Is it too cold for ice cream?"

A hard slap on his arm jolted him out of his thoughts of weather-appropriate snacks. An irate Mimi huffed at his seemingly silly suggestion. "It's never too 'anything' for ice cream! Taichi, you're an idiot!"

 _She's back_.

He rubbed at the smarting pain of his arm. "Sorry about that. It's been a long day," he sheepishly apologized for his absent-mindedness.

He treated her to a chocolate sundae with extra cherries because he knew how much the younger girl like them. She specifically asked for sugar-free, fat-reduced chocolate, which confused him for a bit. When he asked her if she was insane, she hit the back of his head in outrage, and marched to the end of the line of people, nose high up in the air. She only started to talk to him again after he offered to pay for her "healthy" ice cream.

As they sat in the corner booth, he listened to her complaints on the unexpected complicatedness that was math. He hated it himself, but luckily, he had wonder twins Yamato and Sora to bail him out. Mimi, on the other hand, had yet to start study sessions with Koushirou. She was already considering asking Miyako for help, which was pretty embarrassing considering she was an underclassman, but what other choice did she have?

"Um, Mimi," he interrupted her steady chatter.

She raised a delicate eyebrow at him in an expression that caused him to shudder a bit.

"I'll just talk to Koushirou," he continued before she could lunge at him. "You know how he is. He probably just forgot about it."

Her already wide eyes grew even further. "How could he forget? He knows how important this is for my Uni plans!"

"Mimi," he interjected again, praying to the gods she wouldn't actually kill him for stopping her dramatics twice. She was sensitive to those kinds of things. "He was complaining about how being vice president of the computer club was cutting into his programming time. I'm sure he didn't mean to forget. I'll just remind him tonight and maybe you can meet this week. How's that?"

She folded her arms obstinately, which triggered a smile to form on his lips. He plucked the cherry from his banana split sundae and placed it on top of her half-eaten scoop.

"Pretty please?"

She sighed and unfolded her arms. "Oh okay, Taichi. Geez! I swear, if you weren't so cute…"

"But Mimi," he interrupted for the third time, but confident that she wouldn't punch him anymore, "we both know that between the two of us, you're cuter."

* * *

They were on their way home when she pulled him into an impossibly pink and heavily fragranced store. After several objections on his part, they both emerged after purchasing a small, pink box.

They walked quietly to her apartment.

Three blocks away, she thanked him for helping her with her injuries. She was scared of going to see the nurse, and had no idea what to do with the blood.

Two blocks away, she took the box out of the plastic bag and shifted it from one hand to the other. He asked her if she needed help with it, but she told him she was fine.

One block away, she asked him if her pink hair was stupid. He told her the truth: that she could dye it any color of the rainbow and still look cute. She shoved the box back into the bag.

At her doorstep, he asked her again if she needed help. She bit her lip for a second, then shook her head. As he turned around to head home, she grasped his arm and jerked it so suddenly, causing him to crash into her. They both yelped as they toppled to the ground in a heap. The box of brown hair dye lay innocently beside them.

* * *

His hands were brown.

It took all of Taichi's willpower not to scratch that back of his head in confusion lest he get more of the stuff on his neck. Mimi had told him about washing it with toothpaste or baking soda, but his hands remained a few shades darker than the rest of his tanned skin.

 _Why wasn't this working?_

He reached for the bottle of alcohol on the shelf beside him. Scrubbing again, he frowned at how wrinkly his fingers were.

 _This. Is. Stupid. Goddammit._

"Taichi?" called a muffled voice from outside the bathroom, followed by a series of impatient knocks. "Are you still alive in there?"

"KYAAAAAAAA!" the boy screamed in frustration, sending the bottles of chemicals flying. He angrily kicked the door open – right into his best friend's worried face.

Yamato fell to the floor from the impact. "WHAT THE FUCK?! TAICHI!"

"Oh shit! Sorry Yamato!" He quickly helped the taller teen up, earning a glare that, quite frankly, he had been used to since they were ten. "It's this brown stuff. I can't get the damn thing off!"

Yamato rubbed his face in annoyance, before glancing at his unnaturally dark palms. The corner of his mouth turned up, amused. "I'd really like to hear the story behind this, Yagami."

 _Oh fuck you._ "Can't the gloating wait? I've tried everything I can think of, and I'm hoping you could give me more ideas."

"I can't help you if I don't know what we're dealing with."

"It's fucking hair dye, okay?!" he cried, throwing his arms up in frustration. "Mimi didn't tell me you had to wear gloves when handling this stuff. How the hell am I supposed to know? Do I look like someone who uses hair dye?!"

He caught a little glint in his best friend's eye but decided to address it later. He had bigger problems right now.

"Didn't she tell you how to get it off?"

"Baking soda. Toothpaste. It didn't work." _She probably lied. Thinks it's a clever joke if he came to school with brown hands, who knows?_

"Just give me a minute…" Yamato frowned in thought. "Would Sora know?"

Tachi brightened at the idea. _Yeah, Sora would know. God knows she's smarter than Mimi, and she had bailed him out hundreds of times before._ "Great! Call her."

"Uh…" Yamato trailed off, eyes darting around. "Why don't you do it? They're your hands."

"What the hell?" Taichi was taken by surprise by the blond's hesitation. "Since when did you not want to call Sora?"

Yamato was strangely silent at his question.

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"It… it's none of your business."

 _Uh oh._ "What happened?"

"Shut up. Nothing happened."

"Bullshit. What did you do?"

Yamato gritted his teeth in annoyance. "Nothing. I didn't do anything, sheesh. I'm just going through something, okay? Just lay off."

Taichi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. _Ugh, he hated his best friend's mood swings, which he had way more often than his other best friend. And that was saying a lot. How they made their relationship work was beyond him._

"Well when you're done 'going through something,' don't forget to talk to her about it, okay? I know Sora's amazing and everything, but she's still Sora. She's probably worried herself to death with you angsting or whatever."

The blonde glared at him through slitted eyes. "Thanks, asshole. Now do you want my help or what?"

He held up both hands, brown palms facing the scowling Yamato. "Any ideas?"

 _Truce, okay Ishida? I'm not going to get caught up in your issues unless she tells me to._

With a deep breath, Yamato accepted the olive branch. "Have you tried nail polish remover?"

"Nail what?"

"Hikari colored Takeru's hair purple once. I think she used markers or something. Anyway, she used nail polish remover to wash it off."

"Hikari what?! Okay, forget I asked." He rummaged through the medicine cabinet for a bottle of acetone, but could not find any. "I'm seriously considering risking public ridicule just to go to Ai-Mart."

"Relax, Einstein. I'm sure it's in her room somewhere."

"Okay, I'm pretty much over your smartass comments. Wanna help me raid my sister's room?"

The blond shrugged. "Sure."

The brown dye washed off too easily. Yamato was right. He hated it when Yamato was right.

The next day, whispers of underclassman Mimi Tachikawa's transformation reached the 12th years. Yamato's eyes beheld mild amusement at this news, although Sora's were much more worried. Taichi reassured her it was not as extreme as what the rumors made it out to be.

When he poked his head into the classroom of 11-A, however, he realized he might have been slightly wrong.

In the middle of the classroom, surrounded by a gaggle of twittering girls and ogling boys sat a giggling, brunette Mimi. Though her reaction to the attention was ordinary for her, there was something about the way she moved that threw him off.

Her hand gestures seemed even more exaggerated, especially when they flipped her 'milk tea brown' hair ( _hey, that's what the box said_ ) off her shoulders. If her eyes rolled any more, they would roll right out of their sockets. The constant crossing and uncrossing of her legs invited perverted shits like Ishikawa Satoshi to leer at the shadows beneath her skirt.

Taichi clenched his fist and pushed the door open with a bang.

"Yo, Ishikawa!" he yelled at the startled teens. Mimi stared at him in uncertainty. "Eyes up where I can see them."

He watched Mimi flush and quickly rearrange her skirt. Meanwhile, Satoshi and his friends scooted back to their seats with their tails between their legs. He strode to the front of the room where Koushirou sat, suspiciously eyeing Mimi's group while eating his bento.

"Thank you," the boy muttered while at the same time acknowledging the older boy's presence with a nod. "I've been trying to warn her about those idiots, but she refuses to listen to me."

"I think she's upset at you because you forgot about your math review sessions."

Koushirou's face fell. He slapped his forehead and reached for his cell phone. Punching frantically at the buttons revealed that yes, he had forgotten. "Shit, that was this Monday?!"

"Relax, Kou. I'm sure she'll forgive you if you give her cake."

"Do you really think so?"

Taichi grinned at the visibly flustered boy. "Just tell her what happened, and she'll get over it. You know how she is."

"I guess you're right," Koushirou sighed.

"I'm sure I am. All right, my work here is done. Shoot me a message if the creeps do anything funny again."

He stood up from his seat to leave, but remembered something vital. "Oh, and Kou?"

Said boy looked up from his tamago maki. "Yes?"

"Red velvet, okay? It reminds her of New York."

Koushirou noted it on his phone before nodding at him. "Got it. Thanks, Taichi."

He threw Mimi a warm smile before leaving the room.

* * *

A/N: I apologize for the long chapter. I just love Taichi too damn much. Please make me happy by reviewing this chappie. ;)

Song is "(Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman" by The Kinks.


	5. Painting Secrets

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 5 – Painting Secrets

 _They press their lips against you,  
_ _And you love the lies they say,  
_ _And I tried so hard to reach you,  
_ _But you're falling anyway,  
_ _And you know I see right through you,  
_ ' _Coz the world gets in your way.  
_ _What's the point in all this screaming?  
_ _You're not listening anyway._

The orange ball bounced repeatedly on solid concrete before rolling onto the grass. Sweat dripped from the ends of his messy bangs and nose. The muscles of his arms were burning. It had been two hours since he started practicing.

Two hours since he stormed out of the apartment for the third time.

 _She brought him home! As if it wasn't enough to hear her gush like a lovesick puppy about his flowery, meaningless words. He had to listen to him talk._

 _He hated how he would write. He hated how just yesterday, he wrote about a dog who tended a small store that sold cigarettes. He could wax poetic all he wanted, but his editorial was inane as its subject. Takeru loved dogs as much as the next person, but… He was supposed to be the news editor, not some stupid sixth year stuck on the features section. What an idiot._

 _The prick tried to talk to him about school. All his questions on foreign languages, writing and extra-curricular activities were answered by stony silence. So he talked about his experiences instead, probably to fill up the silence of the room. He was in the middle of recounting his days on the school newspaper when he muttered an incomprehensible excuse, and bolted out the door. He just couldn't stand to be in the same room as him, see his mother smile at them, and watch Yamato (yes, his own brother!) act civil, which made no sense to him._

 _Was he the only sane person left?_

He fell into the tall grass, next to the now forgotten ball. The sky had turned dark orange and pink. He was due for juku class over an hour ago, but studying was the last thing on his mind after the 'Fujikawa incident'.

His eyes closed as he accessed a remote memory in his head – one of the happiest moments he could possibly remember in his fourteen years of life.

He was three. The four of them were at the beach, enjoying the last of summer. Yamato yelled from the water where his father also was. His brother was wearing bright orange floaters on each arm, while his father was right beside him, teaching him how to swim.

He ran excitedly for the pair, when his mother pulled him back.

"Takeru," she warned him, holding tight to his little hand. "Stay near the sand okay? It's too deep."

"Takeru! Come on! Play with us!"

"Let him be, Natsuko! Yamato and I can watch him. He's a big boy now."

Takeru looked bravely at his mother with shining, blue eyes. "Imma big boy, Mom!"

"But Takeru…"

Hiroaki, with Yamato in tow, jogged to the two of them, probably wondering about the delay. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"He's only three, Hiroaki."

"Oh come on now. I won't take my eyes off him. Isn't that right, Yama?"

He looked up at the grinning face of his older brother. Behind him, the sun shone high against the clear sky. Gold against blue.

"We'll always be here, Takeru, Mom. Don't worry."

* * *

"You have a secret."

Hikari looked up from her sandwich to meet his accusing eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it after a few seconds. She resumed her eating without paying attention to his words.

 _Fine. Two can play that game._

He bit into his onigiri and chewed slowly; Yamato made it because his mother was too busy with her social life to pack him lunch. He could've made it himself, if he knew how to cook. Though Yamato sometimes made questionable meals especially when he was too engrossed in making a new song, they tasted infinitely better to anything he made. This onigiri was particularly delicious. He wished Yamato ate some of it though. He looked like he was losing weight the past few weeks.

"What makes you say that?"

Takeru raised his eyebrow in mock surprise. He regarded her for a while, then continued with his interrogation.

"Every sentence you've said so far ends with a comma than a period. Even your questions sound incomplete. It's almost like you want to add something, but don't. Then, you hesitate in between pauses – on whether you're doing the right thing by concealing something from me. Well no, it's not right, Hikari. We don't keep secrets from each other. You might as well tell me, or I'll find it out myself."

The girl blushed behind her sandwich. She put it down on her plate, and stared at it. He could tell that underneath the table, her hands were twisting her skirt nervously.

 _He knew her like that._

"I don't know how to say it."

"Just say it, Hikari. You don't need fancy words when you're with me."

"It's just…" she reached for his hand from across the table. He locked his fingers with hers. Warmth traveled between them. He smiled.

"It's okay. You can tell me."

"I think I have a boyfriend."

Both his eyebrows went up this time. They went so high that he felt they went past his forehead. He suddenly let go of her hand, disliking the cold emptiness he felt with the loss of contact.

"What!?"

"Tatsuya and I went on a date."

"Nakajima Tatsuya?!"

"Takeru, don't be this way. It might mean nothing. I don't really know about these things. He said he has liked me for a long time, so I gave him a chance. He's really nice."

"How can you say 'it's nothing' if he's your boyfriend?"

"I don't know!" she cried. "It's so strange and new. I should be scared, but I'm not. He makes me feel at ease. I might like him too."

"How do you go from 'I'm terrified of change' to 'I have a boyfriend' within a week? Do you have a fever, or something?"

Hikari glared at him. She hurriedly stuffed her things into her lunch bag. "That's not fair, Takeru. I'm proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone for once. I thought you would be too."

"Doesn't it feel too much all at once? Having a boyfriend is a huge commitment. It needs time, energy, a whole lot of patience."

"How do you know all of this? You've never had a girlfriend before."

"Oh stop it, Hikari. I've spent enough time with Yamato and Sora to know what it's like."

"Takeru, I- I just want to try this out. I want to make friends again, to stop being so scared of everything. I feel like I'm missing so much of life by hiding behind you and Taichi. You know how things were different before… before I got diagnosed… I just want to make things better again."

He wanted to make things better for her too. He would give anything to make her problems, all her anxieties and fears disappear – to see the happy, carefree girl he once knew smile freely again. But would a stranger intruding in her personal space help instead of hurting her? Would he risk Tatsuya hurting her?

"I don't know if having a boyfriend would help."

"Well we won't know unless we try," she retorted stubbornly.

"Dammit Hikari. Why won't you listen?"

"NO! It's you who's not listening!" She suddenly stood up, pushing her chair back and making a screeching noise. "Since we started junior high, you've convinced me to try new things to get over my anxiety – photography, sketching, dancing. I'm doing better now. I feel like I'm ready to let other people in. Maybe you're jealous because you're not ready, but I am!"

"You think I'm jealous!?"

"I…" She wrapped both arms around herself. "I don't know what to think! I wish… I wish…" Tears shone in her eyes. _He hated making her cry. He absolutely detested it._ "I'm leaving. I can't stand this! You're my best friend! You're supposed to be happy for me… "

Takeru stared at her. Hurt. Upset. Confused. Incredulous. "So you'll leave me too? You're done? You'll just… go?"

Her glare wavered a bit.

"I just thought… you'd be more understanding. It's always been the two of us. Maybe Daisuke and Ken too, but only sometimes. With Tatsuya, things are going to be even more complicated. I don't normally resist change but if it's with you and me…"

"Things aren't going to change, Takeru."

He scoffed at her optimistic, but very erroneous statement. "Listen to yourself. Even you're not buying it."

"Tatsuya is nice."

"I know he is."

"You're my best friend."

"And you're mine."

"It's not going to change."

 _Sigh._

"It won't, Takeru."

 _Things always change._

"Okay."

She sat down, and resumed her lunch. He put down his onigiri.

He didn't feel like eating anymore.

* * *

"Hey. What's up?"

"Have dinner here. I made way too much food."

"Then invite Sora."

A beat, then a sigh. It was soft, but he heard it. "She's busy."

"So you called me?"

"Come on, Takeru. You've barely said a word to me since we had Fujikawa-san over. Don't bother denying it, I'm not stupid. And I know basketball practice was cancelled today. Just come over."

"Okay, okay. Dinner first, then you can talk to me about your girl problems."

"Girl what?! You're one to talk! Taichi tells me you made Hikari cry today. Don't you dare go near him anytime soon. He's going to kill you."

 _Well that backfired quickly_.

"Takeru?"

"Yeah okay, I'll go. See you soon."

* * *

"You're weird."

Takeru frowned at the brunette in front of him, before kicking the ball to him. The said boy easily caught it and dribbled it between his two far more skillful feet. He passed it to the third boy in their group, a taller, dark-haired one with equally dark eyes. "Don't you think so, Ken?"

Ken, the third boy, shrugged. "I hardly think I'm one to talk, Daisuke. I'm probably the weirdest out of all of us."

"That's not what I meant!"

"But it's true."

"Shut up and let me talk! Takeru's weird because he and Hikari are fighting again."

"We are not!" he protested hotly.

"Shut up! Just hear me out before you say anything. You're always together and share all these secrets. You talk with your damn eyes and it freaks me out! But you fight a lot more than my parents. It's just weird."

"We're not fighting," he repeated, more calmly this time. He hated being so defensive in front of Daisuke. "I'm just… giving her space."

"What the fuck does 'giving space' mean?"

Ken kicked the ball back to Takeru. It shot past the tip of his toe and rolled to the edge of the field. Takeru sighed, and jogged to retrieve it. ("Use the arch of your foot to catch it, not your toes. Are you a ballerina or something?" Daisuke called out to him.)

"It means he's stepping back because Hikari is dating Tatsuya now," he heard Ken explain when he returned with the ball.

"SHE'S WHAT?"

"That's what I thought too, at first," Takeru muttered wryly. He smirked when Daisuke missed his pass, still shell-shocked at the news Ken had just told him.

"When did this happen?!"

"Just last week. I wasn't too keen on it, to be honest. But so far, Tatsuya has been behaving. Taichi and I are keeping an eye on her just to make sure though. She seems happy…"

Ken nodded in agreement. "I think it's a good thing you're being so supportive. Maybe spending time with other people is good for her. She can't depend on you too much."

"That's what Taichi told me too. I think it worries him a lot since Hikari… she's different. I hope everything works out fine."

"If he hurts her, you know I'll kill him, right?" Daisuke threatened while shaking his fist at him for added measure. Ken rolled his eyes and laughed.

It was no secret that Daisuke had a crush on Hikari a few years back. He got over it pretty well, but that didn't make him less overprotective of the girl. In fact, after the events in the digital world, he had become impossibly, obnoxiously so. A lot of their classmates were wise enough to stay away. Except Tatsuya. Maybe he truly had good intentions to not be intimidated by Daisuke. Maybe Hikari was right about him. Maybe he was overreacting…

"It's okay, Daisuke," Ken said after glancing at Takeru. "I don't think you'll have much to do after Taichi and Takeru are done with him."

* * *

They were born two days apart. He on a rainy, spring day, where gray clouds filled the sky. She on a warm, sunshine-filled afternoon, with no traces of the previous storm. As expected, they grew up to be very different children with only one similarity between both of them – their fondness for each other.

He cared for his best friend. Everyday, they would go to the field behind her family's farm. Spring was her favorite season – not only because they celebrated their birthdays during it, but because she loved making garlands with him out of wildflowers, and wishing on dandelions.

He much preferred winter, when white snow covered the trees, and the lake froze over. Then, they would make snow angels, snow men, have snow fights, and skate until their cheeks turned red from the cold air.

Every year, on the first day of January, he would meet her outside her house, and give her a gift. It was always something small, even insignificant – like a colorful rock, a pressed flower, or some chocolate. But every time, she would hold it close to her heart and tell him how she loved it. He believed her.

One day, the boy moved to the city. They both cried for week because his new home was too far for her to visit him. He tried to run away, and hid in her barn just so he could stay with her. His brother quickly found him huddled behind a haystack. Needless to say, his mother gave him an earful that night.

One autumn day, when the leaves were a mix of red, gold and brown, they said goodbye. He hugged her tight while she told him how she would always think of him. He wiped his tears on his coat sleeve, and climbed into the car. On the rearview mirror, he watched her run after them until they reached the corner and turned right. Then, he couldn't see her anymore.

The city was interesting, even frightening. The people were cold and uncaring. Even the weather seemed grumpy with longer days of rain and strong winds. Summers were hotter, and springs? They were the saddest part of the year because he couldn't spend them with her. He grew to dread spring.

Years went by and he grew up. He became a journalist so he could travel across the country. His first writing assignment brought him to Kyoto. The next, Nagoya. He jumped from one city to the next, hopped into countless trains, flew over vast fields, but could never be truly content. Something was missing. Someone was missing.

He went back to his old house, their old neighborhood. She was gone. The farmer's daughter, their neighbor and childhood friend, told him they moved a long time ago, a decade after he left. She forgot where, sorry.

He lost her. She was gone.

He returned to Tokyo, dejected. He buried himself in his work to stop himself from thinking about her. Some days, it worked. Some days, he still missed her. On these moments, he wondered if she missed him too.

He was casually flicking through the events page of his newspaper when he noticed a colored photograph of a flower field. It was part of a photograph exhibit by up and coming photographers. Something about the blues and reds of the image screamed at him. This was familiar. This was her. He raced to the venue like a madman. Blood pounded in his ears as he rounded each corner, artfully avoiding the busy, uncaring people he shared the sidewalk with. He soon came to a stop at a small gallery. From the glass window, he spied large pictures on the walls. He quietly entered and began his search. He weaved through the exhibit, pausing to stare at the nature-related ones. None of them were of their flower field. Where was it?

He had reached the end of the room when he saw it – a photograph covering half of the wall. The blue sky stretched over bright green grass dotted with red, blue, yellow and white. In front of it, a woman stood still, staring at him.

She looked different, older.

Happiness filled his heart.

He found her.

He was home.

-By Takaishi Takeru

* * *

A/N: j8919, you make me smile with your reviews. Future chapters might be even longer so it's a good thing you don't mind. Sorato's my favorite too! Koumi, I love them too! They need to have a sitcom together. Ana, lo siento, no hablo Español, pero gracias (eep how did I do?) I'm glad you liked it! Honter, I'm not too sure about a Taiorami chapter, but how about a scene in a later chapter where Sora and Mimi talk about Taichi, yes? ;)

Song is "Acoustic #3" by the Goo-goo Dolls.


	6. Songs of Desperation

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 6 – Songs of Desperation

 _A moment  
_ _A love  
_ _A dream aloud  
_ _A kiss  
_ _A cry  
_ _Our rights  
_ _Our wrongs_

Most times, things were okay. Most times, he was fine. He would make an effort to express his emotions, if not through words, through subtle actions – squeezing her hand, frowning, smiling, tapping his foot on the ground (Taichi hated this), punching the boy's arm, touching her arm. Touching. He was always touching her in some way. She would respond with smiles of her own to reassure him.

One day, not too long ago, she found him outside her door. It had been raining especially hard that Sunday morning, so she skipped her usual early morning run to sleep in. She blearily opened her eyes (and her door) to him – wet clothes clinging to his tall frame. His usually styled hair was matted. But what worried her most were his eyes – dull and dead.

Acting on first instinct, she scolded him for essentially getting himself sick by walking in the rain without an umbrella. She knew something was wrong when all he did was stare dully at her without flinching at her raised voice. Mid-lecture though, he abruptly pulled her against his cold, shivering body, and buried his face in her shoulder. Then, he whispered the only words he ever uttered that day: "I need you."

That was the worst bit, she thought. The other times were not as bad. She somehow found that because she experienced darkness herself, it made it less difficult for her to pull him out.

It took quite some time for her to understand his intricacies – seven years, to be exact. A lot of mistakes were made, but he was very patient with her as she was patient with him.

* * *

She stared at the solitary orchid in front of her, an idea suddenly forming. Grabbing her sketch pad and pencils, she drew a slender figure looking vaguely like her good friend Mimi (she would make the perfect muse if she were only a few centimeters taller). An elaborate dress slowly took form – it was pure white like snow, with deep purple accents on the hem and sleeves, obviously paying tribute to the flower she was examining earlier. The girl was so engrossed in her sketch that she did not notice her mother silently entering the room.

"Sora," her soft voice piped up from behind her.

The girl quickly shoved her pad under the table, praying to the gods her mother did not see what she had been doing.

"Have you finished your homework?"

"Yes Mama," she replied nervously. If there was anything good about having a boyfriend at such a young age, it definitely made her look forward to studying after school. She knew it worried her mother to no end, but with her grades shooting up, and Yamato consistently charming her with practiced ease, Toshiko had no real reason to not give her blessing.

"Is that the arrangement you made? Tell me about it."

Sora shook her head, embarrassed. "It's not yet finished. I… feel like it needs more."

She spent a good five minutes explaining her floral tableau as her mother listened to her with pursed lips. They had very different tastes – while Toshiko preferred traditional arrangements, Sora like experimenting with plants not regularly used for decoration. There were times when a flash of disapproval would surface in the older woman's eyes, but Sora, who was very stubborn like her mother, would press on with her vision.

She watched her mother's eyes flit toward the piece of paper peeking out from under the table. _Oh no._ She raised her voice slightly to regain her attention as she barreled on about her arrangement. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Her mother pursed her lips as she listened intently. _It's working, thank goodness!_

When she had finished, Toshiko examined the arrangement curiously, murmuring quietly to herself. "It's exquisite, Sora," she finally said after private deliberation. "But remember, in thinking, keep to the simple. You do not need to do so much."

"I know, Mama. I just think for this one…"

Her mother laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. Sora immediately quieted down. "You seem distracted."

Her mind flashed to an application to a certain college hidden under her bed. It had been filled out and ready for submission nearly a month ago. All she needed was to tell her parents.

 _Why was this so hard? Even Yamato had less trouble talking to his mother._

"There's a lot going on."

"In school? Do you need help?"

She shook her head. She detected a hint of concern in her mother's voice.

"Are you and Yamato..?"

"We're fine, Mama."

Toshiko sighed ever so slightly. "Very well. Just finish up here while I go to the store. We've run out of miso." She stood up and brushed off invisible dust from the front of her yukata.

Sora's nails dug into her skirt. She saw her orchid kimono in her mind's eye, being presented to a sea of people and flashing cameras. The thundering applause was almost too real. Her fantasy faded all too soon as her mother shuffled to the door.

"Is there anything you need from the store?"

She shook her head again.

Toshiko smiled and made a move to shut the door behind her.

"Mama!"

Her voice was muffled by the thud of the door as it closed. She held her breath, waiting for her mother to open it again and ask her why she called out to her. She didn't.

She sighed in disappointment.

 _Why was it so hard to talk to her mother?_

* * *

"You should talk to him."

"What?"

"Talk. You know? That thing you do with your mouth and tongue, other than kissing."

Her fist automatically reached out to punch his arm, but the seasoned athlete jumped away to avoid her attack with ease.

"Getting slow, Sora. Yukimura-sensei would be disappointed."

"Shut up!" She tried hitting him again, but the boy had already sprung into a jog.

"Talk to him, Sor. He's going crazy!"

"Who is?"

"Come on, you know who I mean."

"It's…" her words trailed off as she came to a stop. A plane passing overhead drowned out the rest of her words. Taichi stopped running (he was already half a block ahead of her), turning to face her.

"WHAT?"

"It's not that easy," she sighed.

"WHAT?"

"Oh for god's sake, Taichi…"

Taichi cupped his hand around his ear while gesturing toward her with his other hand. Around them, people were sneaking curious glances.

She gritted her teeth in annoyance. Her best friend was being stupid again. Why was it that he could sense her problems no matter how hard she tried to hide them? Was it that ESP those Yagami siblings were born with? This was between her and Yamato.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Something inside her snapped. "DOES IT MATTER? EVERYONE ELSE CAN!"

He just stood there with that idiotic grin on his face. Like he perfectly knew what he was doing, and he knew it was working. Forcing things to happen was the Yagami way. Forcing her to do things was the Yagami Taichi way. _Wonderful_.

She sighed. _Tomorrow then_.

* * *

"Sora?"

"Hi. You wanna come over?

Silence.

She shifted the phone to her left ear while straining to hear – a murmur, his thoughts, even his breathing. Anything of him was enough.

He sighed.

"Are you sure?"

"Can you come over?" she insisted, trying to ignore the ache his sad voice was giving her.

"I-I don't know…"

"Yamato…"

"I'm not well."

"Please, I'll make it better."

"I don't think you can."

Silence. Again. _When did the space between them grow so distant?_

"Yamato, are you still there?"

"Okay," he replied, whispered. His voice shook. _Was he crying?_ "Okay, I'll go."

* * *

Sora could never forget her first kiss. It was a day in early spring, just when she had possibly the worst day of her life. Her alarm clock went off late which resulted in her skipping a shower altogether. In her haste, she spilled juice on her language homework that she worked hard on. Classes were dull, she flunked a pop quiz, tore her skirt, and twisted an ankle on her way to tennis practice. Yamato found her in tears on the bench near the courts, icing her tender foot.

Ever the gentleman, he immediately offered to carry her home. By then, lady luck was cackling at her misfortune and decided to send down some rain in Odaiba to rub it in. He shrugged and carried her on his back anyway. Icy water seeped into their clothes as her umbrella she held over both of them (mostly him) could only cover the top of his head and part of hers. He chatted with her the whole time about random things – classical music albums he had just bought, Takeru, this cat he saw that morning, how Suzuki-sensei pronounced words with his thick Kansai accent. It was amazing how the slender boy could carry her with ease while talking at the same time.

At first, she tried her hardest not to lean into him for fear of putting too much weight on him. But the warmth of his voice as he explained the difference between 'Presto' and 'Allegro' drew her in. Before long, she was snuggling comfortably against his back.

They had a small pajama party at her apartment – just the two of them. She refused to let him go home in his soaking uniform. As their clothes tumbled in the dryer, they folded themselves in thick blankets on the couch. He sang her songs, helped her with her math, massaged her foot, essentially, cheering her up.

The dryer beeped after what seemed like hours, signaling the end of its cycle. Their eyes met, and she sensed his look of disappointment.

"I should go…" he started to say.

"Thank you, Yamato," she blurted out before he could leave the room. "This was nice. I was having the worst day with my ankle and this stupid rain, but you came and…" she trailed off realizing in horror what she had just said.

His eyes brightened and a small smile crept into his face. He took her hand and squeezed it affectionately.

"Wh-what I meant was… I had a nice time," she stammered, embarrassed.

"I did too. I always have a nice time with you, Sora."

A sudden warmth filled her entire body as the boy, this boy whom she liked so much, said those words. It was rare for Yamato to say such things so earnestly, to open up to reveal his vulnerability. He usually kept his heart hidden beneath biting words – his icy exterior.

The rain had stopped because sun was pouring into the little room through the window, hitting his hair and turning it gold. His eyes were so blue and they were looking at her, staring.

He was waiting for her to say something.

Sora bit her lip and smiled back. She stood on the tips of her toes, and planted the faintest of a kiss on his right cheek. It was barely a whisper on his skin. She pulled back and saw his face flush. He reached for her hand and gently pulled her back toward him, folding her into his arms. With a hand cupped on the nape of her neck, he brushed his lips against hers in a sweet kiss.

And what started out as quite possibly the worst day ever, suddenly became the best day of her life.

* * *

From: Yamato

Today 5:34 PM

 _I'm on my way._

 _I'm sorry._

* * *

He was thinner. His collarbones jutted out from the shirt he had carelessly buttoned (the top three remained undone and the rest were obviously misaligned). His jeans, skinny as they were, hung low on narrow hips. His face looked sunken, eyes a dull blue-grey.

Sora's hands reached out for his cool ones. She kneaded his stiff fingers until they loosened their grip and allowed hers to tangle with them. Relief washed over her when his fingers squeezed back in response.

 _While Yamato usually hated words, he always responded to touch._

She hummed a little tune she heard him singing once, while writing in his composition notebook. They were taking a break from studying when Yamato started fiddling with his guitar. A melody was swiftly composed, but no words would come to mind.

His breathing looked down at their joined hands, then looked at her.

Sora continued humming while moving her right hand to his face. Tenderly, she pushed his unruly hair away from his face to reveal his pained blue eyes. They were negative emotions, yes, but emotions nonetheless. It was the numbness that she witnessed in the past that frightened her. Though Yamato was stubborn about showing his feelings, he was never numb… except for especially bad days.

Leaning into her touch, he let out a small sigh.

"I'm sorry."

Lips curved into a small smile. She leaned in and kissed him. Pulling away, the redhead noted the color returning to his eyes.

"Hush, it's okay now. You're here."

"I… I'm so screwed up right now."

"We've gotten over this before. Together, remember? Don't take on the darkness alone."

He shuddered at what she had just said. "It said things, Sora. Horrible things that I want to forget."

"Tell me," she murmured while squeezing his hand in encouragement. "Let me help you forget."

The boy shuddered again. _God, how she wished she could help him. What she would do to give him peace from the dark cave. For eight years, Yamato had been struggling to conquer these bouts. At first he was alone, then with her, sometimes even Taichi. His stubbornness made it even more difficult than it should have been, but still… both Sora and Taichi persisted. Because Yamato needed them both._

"Tell me, Yama. What did it tell you?"

"That I am worthless. Undeserving."

"Undeserving of what?"

"Takeru, my mother, Taichi… You."

She kissed him again, to encourage him further. _Yamato was sharing. This was good._ "What else did it say?"

"Th-that I will always be alone. Because I push everyone away."

"Oh Yama…" she folded him into her arms. He offered no resistance to her actions. His quick breaths blew into the space between her ear and neck. She drew large circles on his back to comfort him, until his breathing evened out again.

"The darkness lies. It's always wrong about everything. And more importantly, it's always wrong about you. I can speak for everyone who cares about you – you mean everything to us." She pulled away slightly to look into his big blue eyes. They were bright with unshed tears. _This was Yamato. Finally, the boy she loved, he was back._

"Sora…"

"And to me, Yama. You mean everything to me."

Nothing else mattered then but the tiny smile that graced his face and the feel of his lips on hers.

* * *

A/N: Yo, Yamato is exhausting to write. I know this is a Sora chapter but this boy's issues… man. Sora has her own stuff too, don't worry. The plot will reveal itself. Meanwhile, enjoy some Jyou next chapter because clearly, I have not tortured myself enough.

Song is "Sweet Disposition" by Temper Trap.

PS: To anyone who can identify an almost exact same line from the original Digimon Adventure series, kudos to you! (clue: Sora is the new Gabumon LOOOL) Review, please!


	7. Loneliness Be Over

A/N: Yeah so… it's been a while. I channeled my inner Jyou and took a life-defining exam so a lot of studying and self-doubt happened the past three months.

Trigger warning: If you've ever had suicidal thoughts, please skip this chapter. It's not graphic but it can trigger thoughts. And please, talk to someone. No matter what the darkness tells you, YOUR LIFE MATTERS.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 7 – Loneliness Be Over

 _Fear and panic in the air,  
_ _I want to be free,  
_ _From desolation and despair.  
_ _And I feel like everything I sow,  
_ _Is being swept away.  
_ _I can't get it right._

It was cold. And no matter how much he squinted his eyes, it was impossible to make out anything in the darkness. He tried adjusting his glasses but to his shock (and horror), his right hand refused to move. His gaze turned to his left hand which was hanging limp at his side. Immobile.

 _Call for help. This must be a dream. Just yell something._

The foreboding silence was deafening. No matter how hard he tried, nothing came out of his dry, cracked lips.

Nothing. Only the still blackness that appeared to grow darker and darker. His skin prickled at the painful chill.

 _What the hell am I doing here?_

Then, a figure materialized from the shadows. It was blurry at first. An average-sized… male? He was clothed in a shirt and pants.

 _Oh good. He looks human. Maybe we can figure out how to get out of this place._

The dark fog in front of the figure dissolved to reveal its mysterious identity… a doppleganger?!

The stranger coolly returned his glare.

 _Welcome back, old friend._

Jyou frowned in confusion. The boy was talking to him, clearly, but his lips remained unmoving.

 _Who are you?_

He could have sworn he saw his mouth twitch in a menacing smirk.

 _I am you._

* * *

The plain black letters against the stark white of the envelope seemed to jump at him. 'University of Tokyo Faculty of Medicine,' it screamed. Bile began to rise to his throat. A sense of nausea and terror filled his mind while the room's spinning intensified. The world, however, carried on as if nothing had happened. Nobody seemed to care that everything that he had worked for, his future, his happiness would be determined by what this deceptively innocuous envelope contained.

' _We regret to inform you…'_

' _We are pleased to inform you…'_

"What's up?"

Jyou nearly jumped ten feet in the air in surprise at the sound. His elder brother, Shuu, stood at hallway, casually munching on some popcorn. "Want some?" he asked while extending his arm carrying the plastic bowl.

"I got in…" _The words seemed so impossible and yet…_

"Got what?"

"No Shuu, I. Got. In." Stressing every word, Jyou hoped that Shuu understood that all his dreams were coming true. "I got in. Todai." Slowly, it was sinking in. _This was it. Time to prove he was good enough to be a fucking doctor. Time to show everyone he wasn't the black sheep of his family. Kido produced only success, dammit!_

A smile grew on the older boy's face. He rushed toward Jyou and hugged him unabashedly. Popcorn flew around them like a mini snowstorm.

"Shuu, the popcorn! Mom's going to kill us!"

"Who cares about the mess?! Jyou, you got in! Congratulations!"

They laughed as the letter slipped from his fingers and joined the popcorn that littered the floor.

* * *

The evening visits were becoming more and more regular. Each episode was more terrifying than the last. He would emerge in the bathroom, the kitchen, or most alarming of all places, on the street outside his dorm. Thankfully, no cars were nearby that night. Midnights on exam week meant everyone was in his or her room studying. Everyone except him.

He sat at his desk, three books were open in front of him. A notebook filled with his messy scribbles. As he attempted to arrange the mess, a pen fell to his feet. When he reached down to get it, the other Jyou grinned from the shadows of his desk, eyes red like blood.

 _No!_

He pushed his chair backwards as hard as he could. The sudden clattering of the toppled chair caused the malicious figure to melt back into the darkness. Jyou fell to the floor in fear and confusion. Everything became quiet again.

"W-what do you want from me?"

Silence.

Jyou quickly stood up and scrambled to the bathroom. Shutting the door, he opened the faucet to splash cold water on his face. The coolness of the water gave him a sense of comfort and security. Wiping his eyes, he replaced his glasses. He peered at the mirror where his reflection stared back. No red eyes. No evil smile.

"I must be going crazy."

The Jyou in the mirror said the same thing.

Shaking his head, he returned to his desk. There, on top of his notebook, lay his English paper. His failing mark, bright and bold, glared at him in the dimly-lit room.

"W-what… how did…"

He then noticed that he was tightly clutching a little object in his right hand. He opened his fist to reveal his razor.

* * *

"Hi Jyou. Sorry, was busy with some stuff Takenouchi-sensei assigned to me. What's up?"

"Do you… do you know anyone? In the English Department?" He clutched a sheet of paper with pen marks drawn on the front. Each line the ink had drawn was bright red and deliberate, not unlike the thin lines on the pale skin of his wrists.

He could almost hear the wry smile from his brother's reply. "Trouble in paradise? I might be friends with a junior faculty."

The younger boy sighed while swallowing his pride. He could have asked their eldest brother Shin for help (he was the nicer one), but Shuu seemed the more obvious choice. He did study in the same university years back.

Besides, this grade needed… rectifying. There was no way in hell he was flunking a class on the first semester. Maybe Mimi could help him. She did study in New York for six years.

She's not answering his emails though, so getting her help might be out of the question.

"I'll give him a call. Maybe you could set up extra afternoon sessions?"

"Thanks Shuu." He released a breath he didn't know he was holding.

His brother gave chuckle from the other end. "No problem. I'd go there myself, but I'm swamped with work. I'm sure you are too."

The thought of having Shuu over terrified him. If his professors found out that Kido Shuu was his brother, their expectations for him would raise even higher.

"Y-yeah, I barely have time to eat. Thanks, Shuu. I'll talk to you later."

"Until then. See ya!"

"Bye."

* * *

Jyou sighed and shook his phone. _Maybe the signal was too weak. Maybe Yamato and Mimi were busy. Maybe…_

 _They've forgotten you._

The college freshman shook his head vigorously. Around him, stressed out students of Tokyo hurried. Everyone always seemed to be rushing. Whether it was to the classroom, to part time jobs, to the library… There was never enough time to get things done. So little time should be wasted on inconsequential things – like walking, eating, chatting, failing.

So this is what being the best was like. Being constantly on edge, competing. Living. Dying ever so slowly.

"Kido! We're still on this afternoon, right?"

His seatmate, a small bespectacled girl (who looked eerily like Miyako) waved at him a few meters away. He glanced at his phone again, hoping for a missed call, an email, a message. Something. Anything.

Nothing.

 _Stop wasting time. Just study some more. It will be okay._

"Yeah. I just… have to check out these new journals. It might help us on the finals."

The girl grinned and nodded in agreement. "Good. I'll tell Saito and the others. I'll see you later."

The rushing crowd swallowed her up and he was alone again. Alone in a throng of people.

 _Stop wasting time._

He ran to the library, ignoring the squeezing pain in his chest.

* * *

"Yamato, what was that?"

The boy he was referring to turned from his partner Digimon to address his question.

"The dark shadow around Sora, what was that?"

Yamato frowned, glancing at the redhead hugging her beloved Piyomon. They were both laughing and cheering as if nothing had happened. "It was the darkness in her heart. This cave… it turns the negative emotions in your heart and traps you in them. Gabumon and I escaped it when you and Gomamon saw us."

Jyou shivered at the thought. Sensing his discomfort, Gomamon put a reassuring paw on his foot. It helped. "N-negative emotions?" he stammered.

"Fear, hopelessness, anger, loneliness…"

His sharp ears immediately noticed how the blond boy's voice slightly wavered at the end of his sentence.

"The cave drew out all those emotions from Sora's heart and created that shadow we saw. Gabumon said I had it too."

"He did," the lizard Digimon agreed. "And his eyes were black like Sora's. It was very scary, but Yamato was able to beat it."

His partner gave him a warm smile. "Our friendship beat it," he corrected him, ruffling the striped fur coat on his head.

There was something about the pair, especially Yamato that seemed different. He appeared calm, wiser after that frightening encounter. And the way he handled what happened to Sora was impressive. Confidence oozed from every uplifting sentence, even Jyou was inspired and was able to come up with a few sentiments himself.

"Yamato… Jyou…"

Her soft voice pulled him from his thoughts. They both faced Sora who was holding the pink bird to her chest. She was smiling widely as well.

"Thank you for saving me. Thank you… for your friendship."

* * *

As abruptly as they started, visions of his evil-eyed twin disappeared without even a hint of reason. His apartment became a safe haven again – without ominous figures lurking behind the midnight shadows. Even the malicious voice in his head faded back into memory as the first round of exams came and went.

" _You'll get used to it," Shin reassured him over the phone. "Half of med school is taking exams. The other half is spent studying for them. It's normal to fail a few of them. I did."_

 _He seriously doubted that._

With much prodding, the normally straight-laced teen allowed his friends to drag him to a popular yakiniku place in Shibuya the night their results came out. All of them had passed, some albeit barely.

" _You'll get used to it."_

A round of beer (illegally obtained, but to a group of almost 20-year-olds, who cared?) soon followed. Jyou hated the way the alcohol burned the back of his throat on its way down to his stomach. He never really enjoyed beer, unlike Shuu and his father. Suppressing the urge to throw up, he instead focused his eyes on Hatomi's ponytail bobbing up and down as she nodded along to something Junichi was saying.

The contents of the second bottle went down easier. The burning sensation had disappeared. The third made the room spin.

" _You'll get used to it."_

He woke up with a pounding headache the next morning that no amount of coffee could abate. By midday, Jyou was desperate. His notes for his morning classes were rubbish. He needed to take something. Ibuprofen maybe.

" _Take a Tylenol,"_ his reflection in the bathroom mirror whispered to him in Shin's voice. _"Take ten if you have to."_

* * *

The headaches persisted. He could hardly concentrate.

He was going to fail.

 _Take a break, Jyou. Shuu._

 _We're so proud of you. Mom and Dad._

 _Don't forget to take care of yourself. Shin._ _Shin_ _was always the nice one._

Darkness. A cold, biting breeze. He dozed off, _dammit_. His eyes attempted to focus but the haze remained. He then realized his glasses were not on the usual place – perched on the bridge of his nose. Feeling the ground around him, his fingers closed around the object he was looking for. After putting them on, he blinked in confusion.

His desk and books were nowhere in sight. He wasn't even in his room. He was out on the balcony of his apartment, the sliding door behind him closed shut, and his slippers lined up neatly against the metal railing. A small piece of paper was caught underneath the sole of the right slipper. He carefully unfolded it to reveal a single word printed unmistakably in his own handwriting.

Goodbye.

* * *

"Hey, it's me. I know… you're probably busy. I-I just… I need your help. The dark cave from the Digital World… it's back. Gomamon's not here so… I'd call Koushiro but…"

He paused while his hand holding the phone began to uncontrollably shake. Fear enveloped him, its icy tendrils wrapping around his neck and slinking into his mouth and nose. The nausea returned.

 _Stupid stupid stupid. Die and stop burdening your friends. Nobody cares. Nobody cares._

"Y-you saw it, remember? We both saw it. I'm just s-so scared. I think it's winning."

 _He doesn't care. Just die already._

"Yamato, please pick up. I don't know whom to call. I don't think I know anyone else."

 _You don't know anyone else. Drop the call. He won't answer._

Cold sweat poured down his face and neck. Breathing became a painful chore. The tight grip he had on his phone loosened.

 _Just a few more seconds. Yamato will answer. He'll save me. Just like he saved Sora._

 _No he won't. You will die. No one will care._

"Please… h-help…"

The sound of his phone hitting the tiled floor was the last thing he heard. Then, darkness.

* * *

A/N: This was probably the worst to write. I had to hold back though because there was no way I was going to go graphic in ffnet regarding suicide. Aside from that, I realized belatedly that I isolated Jyou from the others, and that made writing his chapter more difficult. All his character/plot development happens here. This chapter is like this weird mish-mash of scenes spanning a long time period narrated in a nonlinear fashion. Ugh. Anyway, Mimi is up next.

Song is "Map Of The Problematique" by MUSE.

I'm shamelessly plugging my other fic, "Love Not Like Any Other." It's a much shorter, lighter read, and features 17 different pairings per ficlet. Check it out and give me feedback, yes?


	8. Subdivisions

A/N: Honter (if you're still there), this one's for you. ;) I'm so sorry it took so long.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 8 – Subdivisions

 _Subdivisions  
_ _In the high school halls,  
_ _In the shopping malls.  
_ _Conform or be cast out._

"It's red. I've never worn red before."

Mimi Tachikawa frowned thoughtfully at the cherry red dress Sora handed her. The ruffled neckline with ribbons reminded her of a pillowcase. It was very un-Sora, but even more un-Mimi.

Sora chewed on her lip while regarding the dress. "I think it suits you. Brown hair matches red. Taichi always looks good in red."

 _Taichi did look good in red…_ Mimi blushed a shade quite similar to that of the dress in question. Since when did her senior stop becoming cute and annoying, and became just cute? She snuck a look at the older girl who was smiling knowingly at her.

 _Oh no…_

"So do you stare at him often?" she countered hotly, her face flushing even further after getting caught. "To figure out what color looks good on him?"

Sora laughed lightly at Mimi's poor attempt to disguise her feelings. "It's really hard not to look at him when you're with him all the time. But it's nothing like what you think, Mimi," the girl waved her hand dismissively. "Taichi is a friend."

She hesitantly took the statement as a truce. She turned back to the rack of clothes on the rack, and picked out a yellow and white striped dress. She pulled it out and held it in front of her. The length was perfect – it hit her mid-thigh.

"Hikari wears yellow."

"She does," her friend agreed. "She says she wears it to match Takeru's hair. It's a joke, I think. But with those two, you can't be too sure."

Mimi bit her lip. "It's just so strange," she said in a small voice. "I've worn pink my entire life…"

A hand rubbed her arm comfortingly. She turned to look at Sora's deep red eyes. The warmth rushed out of them and enveloped her small self.

"Maybe it's time for a little change."

A few years ago, it was her telling Sora to try on a few skirts instead of jeans and shorts. The redhead had decided to shed her tomboyish image to adopt a more feminine one. It was a time of first dates, sweaty palms, secret glances, awkward conversations and Yamato. Funny how things evolved so quickly.

She gripped the hanger. Change. It was all she'd been doing since she left for America. Now, she was back home in Tokyo, but why did it feel even more foreign than New York? When would people stop telling her how to fit in?

" _You can't be one of us."_

She grabbed the frilly red dress she was previously debating on before she could change her mind. "Lead the way, Sora," she said calmly.

She'd show them. She was Mimi Tachikawa, after all.

* * *

"Hey Mimi!"

The girl being addressed, a petite newly-restored brunette, turned away from the giggling group to acknowledge the boy.

Koushirou had always been smaller than her. It was a running joke between the Chosen boys that Takeru, who was more than a foot smaller than him at the time, would surpass him, and he soon did, almost matching Taichi's impressive height. Though she knew he'd hate to admit it, this lack of stature frustrated Koushirou to no end. But at the middle of their 10th year, for some unexplained reason, he shot up like a weed. It was like delayed puberty, Jyou once joked, because everyone else had gotten their growth spurt. Of course, she believed Koushirou was always different from everyone else she knew.

"Give me a minute," she told her co-cheerleaders, earning quite a number of rolling eyes she wished she didn't see. She ignored them and met Koushiro in the middle of the room. A prickly feeling on the back of her neck made her scratch at it absent-mindedly. Out of the corner of her eye, Mimi could see the group of girls whispering while staring at the two of them.

"I made new lesson plans for our Calculus sessions. Sora lent me a few things from their classes. It's very advanced, but I think you can handle them. We can go over them later, if you'd like."

The prickling had gone down to her chest, and it resembled more of a squeezing sensation now, almost painful. She suddenly felt breathless and dizzy. Around her, the whispers seemed to intensify. She could hear them now.

" _She likes him, that nerd."_

" _What a loser!"_

" _She can't be one of us."_

Her eyes snapped up to meet Koushirou's. The boy had stopped talking, and was looking at her expectantly.

"Not today Koushirou, I'm busy."

His face fell. She immediately felt bad. _God, she felt like such an idiot._

"Maybe on Wednesday?"

The boy's frown rearranged into a small smile which suited his face a lot. "Okay. Wednesday sounds good."

She quickly made her way out the classroom and into the bathroom. She turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on her face. Sighing, she looked at the mirror. Her reflection stared blankly back at her. There was no one else in the bathroom with her, just her tired reflection, and the voices that continued to whisper things about her.

* * *

Malicious giggling with a few jeers mixed in filled her ears. Tears threatened to fall down her cheeks, but she grabbed at the grass beneath her legs filled with scratches and bruises. Eyes screwed shut, the cheerleader stood up, wiped her palms on her soiled skirt. _One, two, three, four…_ it took thirteen seconds for her to realize that the tears would not come.

Squaring her jaw, Mimi fell back into formation and started the routine from the beginning, with tens of eyes watching her.

" _Did you think it would be that easy? Dye your hair, buy a new wardrobe, lose your accent; then, you could fit in just like that? You know you don't belong with us. You're different."_

All their voices taunted her as she continued with the routine. It was cruel how she was dancing alone, to the scrutiny of the entire senior squad while the juniors had been ushered into the locker room. Quality control, the senior girls had reasoned. _Yeah right. They just wanted to humiliate me more._

And with that, she kicked her legs just a little bit higher, smiled a little bit brighter, cheered a little bit louder, just to show them that they were wrong about her. That she, Mimi Tachikawa, was enough.

* * *

"You were great out there."

Mimi looked up from her spot on the grass. The owner of the voice had a gym bag slung on his shoulder and a school football kit on.

She smiled, but was sure it came out more as a grimace. Her whole body ached.

The boy nodded in silent understanding. He sat on the spot next to her and proceeded to knead the tense muscles on her back, earning sighs of appreciation.

"They said I dance like a cow."

He snorted. "They obviously don't know that cows make amazing dancers."

Mimi giggled and swatted his arms away. He ignored her while continuing with his massage of her back and shoulders. Conceding defeat, Mimi leaned against him. She could the warmth of his breath on the back of her neck.

"You work too hard."

She hummed in agreement as he worked out the knots in her muscles.

"Are you happy?" he murmured.

She thought she misheard him, but the boy repeated it confirming that she indeed heard his question right the first time. The temptation to tell him everything bubbled, threatening to escape her mouth. He would make everything right like he did in the past – in the Digital World. It was gift he had, to fix things just by being himself.

"I'm tired," she finally said. It was not a lie.

His sigh tickled her ear. It might have been a sigh of frustration, or resignation. She couldn't tell with her back facing him.

"It does get tiring," he replied, rubbing down the base of her neck. "And really, you wonder if it's all necessary."

Mimi abruptly faced him which caused him to stop his ministrations. She held his gaze fiercely, ignoring the unexpectedly soft look in his eyes. "Of course it is! I want to be good. I want to be perfect."

Her companion smiled sadly and stood up. Offering his hand, she took it. He pulled her up so abruptly that she almost crashed into him.

When she had first met him, all she could see was a mix of crazy angles (his hair, his jawline, the acute sharpness of his knees and elbows). Even his personality seemed a little crazy and definitely forceful. But junior high somehow mellowed him. He seemed much more peaceful now, gentle, even sad.

She wanted to reach out to touch his face. He was less than a foot away. Behind him the sun was beginning to set, bathing the sky a warm crimson glow.

Sora was dead wrong. "Good" would never cut it. Taichi looked breathtaking in red.

* * *

" _You have four messages."_

" _Hi Mimi. It's Jyou. I… You're probably busy. I'll call you later."_

" _Honey, could you empty the dryer when you get home? Your father forgot to buy some onions so I'm at the store. Do you want ramen for dinner?"_

" _Mimi! You owe us a chat! A little birdy named 'Sora' said you had a few interesting stories about a certain boy. Will you just pick up so we can schedule a coffee session?"_

" _Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday. Football practice left me kind of funny in the head. Can I make it up to you with some ice cream?"_

The brunette sighed while mashing the delete button; but she decided to keep the last voicemail just because.

* * *

They had just finished a particularly punishing practice. The football season was nearing eliminations, and the squad needed bigger and better stunts. Everyone was on edge, even more so than usual. Minami, especially.

She slumped to her locker. What greeted her made her stomach twist painfully.

Her spare cheer uniform was torn to shreds, like blue and white confetti on the floor. Her gym bag had been emptied of its contents which were either scattered with her destroyed clothes, or jammed into her locker which was vandalized with shaving cream.

The other girls laughed at the sight. It took all of Mimi's willpower not to give them the satisfaction by bursting into tears. She was so tired of being picked on, of being singled out. She was trying so hard…

Minami and her friends strode purposefully to her. Immediately, the room fell silent.

"You didn't keep your promise, Tachikawa," the blue-haired girl sneered. "Are you openly defying me, or are you just plain stupid?"

The younger girl widened her eyes in confusion. "I-I don't know what you're talking about."

"Stop with the innocent act. It's seriously getting old. We had an understanding, remember? Regarding Yagami?"

The room had gone dead quiet. Nobody even dared to breathe lest Minami's wrath was deflected to them instead of her.

"It was nothing, Minami," her voice was earnest. "Taichi is just a friend. Nothing happened."

Mimi watched Minami's nostrils flare. The upperclassman pulled her hand back and delivered a hard slap, shocking her and the rest of the squad to stillness.

 _This was a dream. This had to be a dream._

She brought a hand up to her cheek. Her eyes squinted at the flash of pain. Across her, Minami let out a mirthless laugh.

"Let me dumb it down for you because you're obviously an idiot. Stay. Away. From. Him," she threatened, punctuating each word with a jab at her chest.

She left the room in a huff, her minions scurrying after her obediently. The rest of the squad looked at her in pity, before collecting their things and leaving.

And they were gone. After the endless physical and verbal torture, the squad was gone. It seemed despite all her efforts, she was always the one left alone. Minutes passed, half an hour… Her muscles ached, her face was on fire, but something… something inside of her broke, and she wasn't really sure how to fix it anymore.

"Hey."

Mimi froze.

"Go away."

She felt him sit down in front of her. She could tell from the shadow his body created. Mimi tensed up. _Stay away from him._

"Now why would I do that?"

His voice was soft, concerned. Like he usually was whenever he'd catch her in tears from the cheerleaders' abuse. Taichi was her shining knight who would pick her up and whisk her away to the land of happiness and ice cream. Except he wasn't hers.

 _Stay away from him._

"Leave me alone, Taichi," the girl snapped at him. "I can take care of myself."

He didn't even flinch. Her protests were not unlike those of a child beating its fists against its parent. It was a futile exercise.

Silence. Maybe he did leave. Mimi dared to peer under her hair to check. She caught a glimpse of him studying her closely. Their eyes met, and the intensity of his gaze dropped almost immediately and what remained made her stomach flip. He pulled her close to him, too close. She could feel the tension in his arms, the faint scent of his cologne, the steady beat of his heart, his hot breath in her hair…

"Y-you shouldn't be here," she managed to stammer. "This is the girls' locker room."

"Everybody's gone home," he whispered back. "Nobody's here but us. They won't have to know."

A secret. This meeting, his warm embrace, the words exchanged – this would be their little secret. Minami wouldn't have to know a thing.

She gradually allowed herself to relax into his arms. Something about him just… made her believe that things were going to be okay; that just by being, he could make things right again.

"Can I see it?"

Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of his voice. He had stopped rubbing her back, and his hand was resting on the top of her head.

"Your face," he clarified. "Can I see it?"

She pulled away slightly, but kept her hand on her face. It was still smarting, or maybe it was just her pride that hurt.

Taichi gently tugged at her wrist, exposing her sore cheek. His eyes narrowed immediately. Surely a mark was left on her face after a slap that hard. The sound was still ringing in her ears.

"You didn't fall." It wasn't a question.

"It was my fault."

He pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and doused it with water. His attempt to soothe her injury kind of helped.

Except when his skin would accidentally graze her cheek, she felt fire.

"Why do you let them do this to you?" he murmured, still concentrating on his little task. She tried to avoid his eyes, but he caught her gaze and held it steadily.

She slowly placed her hand on his larger one, and her heart thundered. It felt warm, calloused. Her fingers closed over his, causing the cloth to slip from his grip.

 _Skin on skin, fire on fire._

"You know you're much better than them." His thumb made gentle circles on her cheek.

His actions made her throat go dry.

He moved closer. His hand moved to cup the base of her head, tilting her face toward him. He licked his lips and leaned in.

 _Oh god, he's going to kiss me._

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. She quickly jerked away, earning a confused look from him. Her hand went up to her face, to the spot where his hand had been.

He didn't even bother masking his disappointment.

"Because I need them, Taichi," she managed to croak out. Her throat felt so dry.

His hand fell to his side. With a sigh, he stood up, but kept his eyes on hers. "You're wrong," he replied firmly. "You don't need anyone. You're perfect as you are."

She shook her head, ignoring the fluttering feeling in her stomach. Minami's words echoed in her mind like a threat.

"You really should go."

Her heart dropped as he left the room.

* * *

" _Mimi? Are you there? Sigh. Please pick up. Yamato… he's not answering. Please be there…_

 _I don't know what to do anymore."_

" _Deleting message. You have one new message."_

" _Mimi, this is Shin, Jyou's brother. I… you need to call me. Something happened."_

* * *

A/N: Ugh, why is Taichi so hot in this one? He's clearly outshining Yama in this fic. And he's soooo much easier to write. His chemistry with Mimi is so natural.

Song is "Subdivisions" by Rush. Thoughts? Let me know by leaving a review. ;)


	9. Say Anything

BIG shoutout to j8919 for reviewing every single chapter as soon as it comes out. Babe, I'm dedicating the next one to you. All is well, thanks for the concern. I passed my big exam so yeah… it's all goooood. I realized you had a question on Hikari several chapters back. It seems her diagnosis was buried under all the prose oops. She has generalized anxiety disorder. I gave three of the kids psychiatric conditions: Yamato and major depressive disorder, then Jyou I made suicidal with some features of schizoaffective disorder (I'm not a psychiatrist though, all this I only learned in med school some years ago). Melia, are you here? Um… Yamato's chapter is coming up soon and I kind of wrote two extra scenes just for you (consider this a practice round).

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 9 – Say Anything

 _Here I am on the phone again and,  
_ _Awkward silence is on the other end.  
_ _I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice._

 _How did it get to this?_

 _Wasn't it just a year ago when we were sitting at the park eating sandwiches, recounting stories of the digital world? We were so young – happy and free._

 _Three years ago, after defeating_ _Belial Vamdemon_ _, the gate closed forever. It was a painful goodbye for everyone, especially Takeru. His smile was never the same after that._

 _Every year, on the first day of August, my friends and I would get together to remember what was, and honor the sacrifice our partner digimon, our friends, gave… for our freedom, our safety, our world. We spent the first anniversary at the beach – we trooped there before sunrise and went home well past midnight. There were just too many stories to tell. The second year was a sleepover at Miyako's apartment. Her family had the only living room that could fit all of us. And last year was at the park. The day was beautifully sunny, and Hikari made sandwiches for everyone. I loved last year the most. This year though…_

 _This year, we're at Todai._

* * *

Though Jyou was his "senior partner," Iori looked up to the other older Chosen Children just the same. Saving two worlds twice within a span of three years was no easy feat.

He especially admired Taichi's easy confidence and his wholehearted acceptance of the leadership role. He became a tactician, ambassador, adventurer and friend of all at a tender age of 11. Anyone else would've cracked under pressure. Of course, Taichi was not just anyone.

He liked Yamato's utter loyalty and devotion to both Takeru and Sora. A boy who had gone through a tumultuous childhood wouldn't have been expected to give love so freely, but Yamato did.

Sora, he found comforting. She was the de facto mother of the group, even the younger one. She always made sure that everyone's stomachs were full, and wounds were patched up. Warm hugs were her specialty. Everyone but Daisuke (only because he preferred Mimi's) loved Sora's hugs.

Iori wished he could be half as smart as Koushiro. Not only was he clever with computer programming, he also proved himself to be very insightful. There were times when the younger boy would approach him for sensible advice about high school and university options.

He barely knew Mimi. During the few times she was present, she'd infect everyone with her energy. To him, Mimi seemed so utterly transparent with her emotions. Sometimes, he wished he could express himself as well as she did.

Then, there was Jyou. Jyou was his pillar, his rock. Jyou handled everything, maybe not with as much grace as the others, but there were times when the whole group had crumbled and it was only Jyou who pushed on. He was Iori's hero.

* * *

They were told that only four people could enter the private room. Taichi, of course, would not have it. After a lot of begging/arguing, they found themselves crammed into the tiny room with barely enough space left to breathe.

Takeru and Yamato talked softly in a corner, the dim lights bouncing off their heads like shining halos. Nearby, Taichi stared out the window with his mouth set in a grim line. Nobody dared approach him.

Koushiro was on the floor, typing furiously on his laptop. If the hard, tiled floor was uncomfortable, he did not show it. His eyes were narrowed in concentration while staring at the screen unblinkingly. Miyako sat behind him, looking at the huddle across the room. It was composed of two older girls and Hikari. Sora, the eldest of them, was embracing Mimi tightly while the latter sobbed without restraint. The more she wept, the faster Koushiro typed.

In the middle of the tableau, perhaps the centerpiece, was a thin figure on a hospital bed. Tubes and wires hooked him to different devices. One machine said how fast he breathed and how much oxygen he had. Another controlled the amount of fluids pumped into his veins.

The continuous clacking fingers on a keyboard was suddenly interrupted by the loud banging of the door. Two dark-haired boys tumbled in, earning shushes from the girls, and glares from the boys. Ken shrank back in embarrassment. Daisuke, on the other hand, merely shrugged and took the last vacant spot near the head of the bed.

"Hey guys," he said excitedly, turning to grab at Hikari's arm. "I think he's coming to."

Mimi cried out and flew to the side of the hospital bed. She reached for the hand that wasn't tied to the bed's railing – it looked so dangerously pale.

He watched her squeeze it tightly. The hand's fingers curled weakly in response.

"Jyou?" she whispered. Her voice sounded so tiny he barely heard it.

Suddenly, everyone crowded around the bed.

"Are you okay?"

"God, what happened? Shin won't tell us anything!"

"Someone call the nurse!"

"Do you want some water?"

"Daisuke, you idiot! He's not allowed any!"

"W-where am I?"

The last voice, soft and trembling, silenced the rest. Everyone looked at each other uneasily. Nobody dared to speak. _How could one explain what just happened?_

The youngest of the group cleared his throat. All eyes fell on him.

"We're at the hospital. Shuu found you in your room and…" he cleared his throat again to get rid of the lump. His eyes watered involuntarily. "He brought you here."

Jyou's confusion faded into something akin of sadness. His eyes darted to his hand which was bolted to the side, a pulse oximeter attached to it. Following the red wire, his gaze settled on the monitor. He frowned at the numbers, and uttered something under his breath.

Iori's eyes widened. _No, it can't be true…_

Mimi threw her arm around him in an unabashed embrace. Soon, the elder boy was buried in a sea of arms and kisses. Words of encouragement flew from their mouths.

Nobody in the room noticed how he shrank back from his friends' caring actions.

Only Iori noticed the disappointment behind his dark eyes.

Only Iori noticed the faint pink lines on his left wrist.

Only Iori noticed that while watching the monitor, Jyou whispered how he wished he was dead.


	10. Caring Is Creepy

BrookeNerd, you are such a sweetheart! I'm not really a very well-known writer here so I don't expect a lot of faves. It's okay though. Thank you for making me blush today. j8919, this chapter is for you.

*clears throat* To you guys it's been a few days. Hah! To me, this chapter and the rest of the fic were stuck in production hell for 3 long years. A lot of things happened (job stuff and whatnot) so I shelved it. Then DA Tri happened and I thought, "Hey, my fic is still rotting in my hard drive!" Well, after watching Bokura no Mirai, with the nostalgia hitting me like a car crash, I promised myself to finish this fic **even if it kills me**! I'm trying really hard to keep the writing consistent with what I was doing 3 years ago. It's not easy. I was way better then LOL.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 10 – Caring Is Creepy

 _Hold your glass up, hold it in.  
_ _Never betray the way you've always known it is.  
_ _One day I'll be wondering how,  
_ _I got so old just wondering how,  
_ _I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow._

Hospitals made him uncomfortable. Koushirou's earliest memory as a small child was that of a sterile white room, a blinding light and the stench of alcohol and blood. Izumi Kae carried him to the Emergency Department and held him close to her chest as a strange man in white stuck a needle in his arm to draw blood. He had never felt so terrified in his life.

Frankly, he'd prefer to never set foot in a hospital again.

"You really don't have to do this."

 _Until Jyou._

"I know you're scared of hospitals."

"I'm not scared," he protested albeit a little too strongly as he readjusted his awkward position on the only plastic chair in the room. "I just can't bring myself to feel… at ease."

Jyou's face twisted into a grimace. "No one's supposed to feel at ease at a hospital," he pointed out. "It's either you're sick, or you're staff."

The younger boy jumped as the door swung open without warning. A nurse entered and handed Jyou a small plastic cup with pills. She stood aside patiently as he swallowed each pill, one after the other. Satisfied, she scribbled on her clipboard and left.

It was ironic how he was being treated with pills after swallowing too many.

 _Inappropriate._ His fingers pulled at a loose thread on his jacket. To his utter fascination, it slowly unraveled. Busying himself with his latest distraction, he tugged gently to reveal more. _How interesting; this thin fiber can hold a piece of clothing together._

A soft sigh drew him away from his activities and to his friend who was looking out the window, wistfully. It had been a little over month since he first woke up in the University Hospital. Though allowed small privileges like small gifts and a few visitors, leaving his tiny, private room was totally out of the question.

"How is everyone?" he asked, still eyeing the world outside the window.

' _He was only allowed one friend to visit,' Shuu had told him over the phone last night. 'He chose you.'_

Koushirou's eyes dropped, his cheeks reddening at the memory. "Busy. I barely talk to Taichi. The soccer club trains every afternoon until the end of qualifiers. I personally think it's too much. Yamato's disappeared as well, not that that's an unusual thing. I saw Sora before going here. She sends you her love. Miyako's practically the only one I actually see, but only because we have club meetings in the afternoon."

"How about Mimi?" Jyou asked.

Koushirou regarded his blue-haired friend inquisitively. Jyou and Mimi were very good friends; this he believed without a doubt. While Mimi respected and trusted Jyou's guidance, he always felt a responsibility to take care of her. This feeling stemmed from their misadventures in the Digital World, and naturally continued as they grew into adolescence. It was a peculiar relationship given their wildly different personalities, but it worked for them.

"Mimi's… okay."

"Oh?" That caught his full attention. "That doesn't sound too reassuring."

"She's just really busy," he blurted out, his face flushing scarlet. "The cheerleading club attends all the games so they always have practice."

He prayed to the heavens that the medications he had just taken blunted the older boy's perceptiveness. Koushirou hated telling lies, especially to his closest friends; but what he hated even more was badmouthing them. _Although to be completely honest, telling Jyou that Mimi was avoiding him would not be considered 'badmouthing.' He could simply say that he did not know why (a half-truth), and that she was going through a lot at the moment (a complete truth)._

To his relief, Jyou said nothing, and resumed his staring at the window. Koushirou released his breath and stared down at his knotted fingers. _He really should've brought his laptop. His hands felt so awkward without it._

 _He hated hospitals, but he was infinitely grateful for this one. This one gave Jyou a second life. It also gave Koushirou a second chance._

He clutched at his rumpled pants as he fought hard not to cry. Tears did not come easily to the young teen, _but this was his best friend_ – _his best friend who_ _nearly died last month. He would be talking to a gravestone right then if Shuu did not find him so quickly._

"Just so we're both clear," Jyou's soft voice sounded above the deafening silence of the room. "I'm glad you're here."

 _He could have died. Kido Jyou could have died._

 _But he didn't._

"I-I'm glad you're here too, Jyou." The tears started to fall. _It was one of the rare moments in his life he wore his heart on his sleeve._

 _It didn't feel awkward at all._

* * *

The cafeteria buzzed in activity as he walked to his usual table. Yamato and Sora were already there. Mimi was absent, _no surprise there_. After a double take, he realized his bushy-haired friend was missing as well.

"Hey," Sora greeted him cheerfully as he took his seat.

Yamato gave a short wave.

"Hi Sora, Yamato. Where's Taichi?" he asked curiously. _It wasn't like him to miss lunch._

"I saw him talking to some of his soccer buddies," Yamato replied without looking up from the book he was reading. His homemade lunch was spread out in front of him untouched.

"And by 'saw', Yamato of course meant 'heard'. Just a little louder and the whole district would've discovered their game strategy," Sora giggled.

Her boyfriend snorted and returned to his reading.

"Your teacher assigned you a novel?!" he questioned in aghast. The thought to having to read more than ten pages of text made him faint. If this was what senior year had to offer, maybe he'd best go straight to university.

The blond raised his eyebrow at him and followed his gaze to the object in hand. Realization dawned on him. "It wasn't assigned. I found it in Takeru's room so I stole it."

"It's in English!" Sora exclaimed, excited and impressed. "Takeru's such an achiever. I barely understood the passages we read yesterday."

"It helps that he translated some of the difficult words," he explained, showing them the page he was on. The paper was riddled with notes and arrows. "It's pretty interesting. I just wished it was shorter."

"I can't believe you even have time for that. Even my mother thinks they're making us work too hard," Sora murmured.

He closed the book and gave her a tight smile. "It just helps keep me off the edge. School's driving me nuts and Taichi's sudden neuroticism is not helping."

"Ahem, Izumi."

The three stopped and turned toward the source of the interruption. The image that greeted him made him blush to his utter horror.

Every single member of the cheer club, including Mimi, was standing beside their table. At the center of their formation stood the captain, Kobayashi Minami.

This was the first time she ever addressed, heck, even looked at him. He wanted more than anything to melt into the ground and disappear.

"Hello Kobayashi," Sora cautiously greeted her fellow senior. "Anything we can help you with?"

Yamato was less cordial. The blond scoffed at her and dove into his lunch. The dismissive action was enough to make the cheer captain and a few other girls turn pink.

 _Oh how he loved being friends with these two. Although they were not part of the popular clique, Sora was too nice to be messed with while Yamato, for obvious reasons, was never messed with. And more importantly, both were fiercely loyal to their friends – to him. Having both of them in his corner made eating lunch at the cafeteria feel safe._

"A-actually," she stammered, fighting to regain control. "I just wanted to talk to Izumi."

Koushirou eyes widened. "M-me?!"

 _Kobayashi Minami was the most popular female senior in school. What on earth did she want from him?_

"Yes. You see, Mimi here," she gestured to the girl behind her, "has been wanting to say something to you, and I want to make sure the message is delivered as soon as possible. Come with us to our table, Izumi."

He scrambled to his feet and trailed behind the girls lest he got a reprimand. He could feel every pair of eyes in the room following him as he approached the center table – their table. The cold feeling of dread filled his stomach.

"She wanted you to know that you can stop bugging her."

His forehead crinkled in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying. I never bugged her…"

She let out a derisive sneer. "Mimi doesn't need your lessons, okay? She's doing fine on her own, isn't that right?" The girl in question seemed to shrink even further into the back, but another female senior beside her seized her arm and dragged her to the front of the group next to their captain.

Mimi swayed on her feet as she nodded. Her whole face was red as his most probably was. _Oh my god, this is actually happening…_

"Please tell him, Mimi. I don't think we're being clear enough for Izumi."

She slowly lifted her face to look directly at him. He gulped as their eyes met. "P-please Koushirou…" she whispered hoarsely. _He felt faint_. "Don't talk to me again."

Her words felt like lead. With his heart and his pride shattered on the floor, Koushirou whirled around and bolted for the door, narrowly avoiding Taichi on his way out.

* * *

His fingers pounded on the keyboard with raw ferocity. The room was completely dark save for the eerie glow of the monitor in front of him. A myriad of emotions ran through his mind as he desperately tried to push them out.

 _Emotions were intangible, useless – a vulnerability. He should have never made that promise to himself. He was stupid. Stupid._

The door to the computer room slowly opened. "Koushirou?" a small voice came from its direction.

He refused to stop what he was doing. Mustering all of his remaining strength, he called out to the intruder, "I'm sorry, can you please leave me be for a bit? You can come back later after I finish."

"Um Koushirou… it's me, Miyako."

"Miyako?"

His typing halted.

He could barely make out her figure as she entered the room. As she approached him, he felt his walls go up.

"I uh…" She trailed off uncertainly. Her eyes fixed on the script he was working on. Her hands worried the strap of her bag. "I saw what happened… at the cafeteria. I just came to see if you're okay."

Koushirou closed his eyes and slowly counted to three. "I really don't want to be rude, Miyako, but could we talk another time? I don't want say hurtful things to you that I will regret."

"I know exactly how you feel," she whispered. "Mimi did the same thing to me."

His stomach twisted further. Against his better judgment, he gestured to the chair in the next terminal. Miyako pulled it toward them and sat down.

 _This surprised him. Mimi and Miyako appeared to be close friends even while the former still resided in America. For her to drop the underclassman so suddenly seemed so out character._

 _What was going on? Why was Mimi doing this?_

Her head hung low as she continued her story. "She did it in the bathroom so not a lot of people heard, but still…" she sniffled into her hand. His manners got the better of him. Producing his clean handkerchief, he handed it to her.

"I was so angry," she blubbered, graciously taking his offering. "I was so angry that…" her eyes widened. She dug into her bag and took out a notebook. "I wrote a list of things I wanted to tell her, but couldn't. You want to hear them?"

Without waiting for his answer, she read them to him.

"I hate you. I wish we were never friends. You hurt me. Leave me alone. I like computers and I don't care what you say. I'm not a nerd." She sighed. "Fine, I am a nerd, but I like being one so there." Miyako took a deep breath and closed her notebook. "I also wrote, 'You're not as pretty as you think,' but I crossed it out because it's obviously not true."

They sat together in silence. He watched her angry face bathed in the sickly greenish glow of the room turn gloomy.

"If I were Mimi, and you had a chance to tell her anything, what would you say?"

"What-?"

She drew chair closer to him so that she was right in front of him. The sudden closeness made him nervous. _This was just too much too soon. What had happened with Mimi was far too much for him to handle. He just wanted to go home and forget everything that occurred today._

"Pretend I'm Mimi and tell me how you feel."

"Miyako," he stammered, beads of sweat forming on his face. "I-I don't think this is a good idea. I don't want to cause you any more pain."

"You won't!" she promised passionately. "I think it will make you feel better. Anger should not be kept inside for too long. You should let it out."

It wasn't that he disagreed with her. Anger was indeed dangerous if not handled efficiently. He had seen how it caused a rift between a certain soccer captain and his musician friend early into their friendship. This overwhelming emotion he felt… it had to be released, addressed, but not with her. His lavender-haired junior had too many similar traits with the source of his troubles. He could easily get carried away, hurt her – like how Mimi hurt him.

Miyako's eyes were steely and determined as she gave him a firm nod. It frightened him how she looked so much like Mimi and Taichi at the same time. "It's okay. Go for it. Pretend I'm her."

 _This was a terrible idea, but…_ He screwed his eyes shut and pictured Mimi and her sweet smile. Her bright cinnamon eyes quickly darkened, and her mouth twisted into a sneer that greatly resembled Kobayashi's. It didn't take long for the anger and pain to resurface.

' _I wanted nothing more than to help you. I cared for you. I trusted you. How could you betray me?' Each painful sentence threatened to spill out of his mouth, then…_

"I thought we were friends."

Miyako's eyes softened. Before he even realized what was happening, the girl dove toward him and pulled him into a hug. Blood rushed to his head, and the room started to spin. His hands grabbed onto the nearest object, her back. It felt warm. Her whole body felt warm.

"Although I have not known you as long as her, I-I just wanted you to know that… after all the times you've helped us in the Digital World… I think of you as my friend, and I'm very thankful. I hope…" she hesitated as she searched his face, "I hope you'll one day consider me as your own."

As swiftly as she initiated the contact, she broke it.

"I should go," she said to him as and sprinted for the door. She pulled at the door and threw an apologetic glance at him. "I know you wanted to be alone."

"I did," he answered softly, looking back at her."But I'm glad you stayed."

She beamed at him and turned to leave.

"Miyako?"

"Yes?"

The smile formed easily on his lips.

"Thank you."


	11. If I Could Be All You Wanted

Green Spaghetti, oh my gosh, I'm fangirling! Your Takeru-Yamato one-shot reduced me to a blubbering mess. You're here?! I'm so honored! I really wish I read your review before posting the last chapter. I'm very insecure of my Koushirou, so your feedback means a lot. And yes, self-deprecating Yamato is my favorite. I love torturing Yama after all the pain he puts me through when writing his chapters. j8919, Mimi's going through a lot, and she's not being herself right now. While I'm taking neither side here (hey, I'm just the author), I'm glad you sympathize with Kou. If it makes you feel better, writing that cafeteria scene hurt a lot for me too.

Time for the longest chapter I've ever written in my life. Ready?

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 11 – If I Could Be All You Wanted

 _She looks like the real thing.  
_ _She tastes like the real thing.  
_ _My fake plastic love._

The mid-afternoon sun glared unyieldingly on the shimmering green grass. Loud cheers from either side of the field were punctuated by claps and the occasional foot stomp. In the middle of the chaos, Taichi squinted at the direction of the net, sweat dripping from his brow. He was very aware of the number '10' sewn into the back of his soccer kit, as well the scouts on the front row. To his right, Hiroto was being heavily defended. To the left, Souji was trying his best to out maneuver his own guard. Kaito and Takuya were several meters behind him, doing their best to catch up.

 _Time's running out. Just go for it._

He made a dash for the space between number 6 and 3. They spun and were hot on his tail, he could tell from their grunting. The goalie quickly spotted him and charged at him. At the last second, the brunette swerved to right and slammed his foot into the ball.

For a moment, it was just him, the goalie and the ball soaring toward the net – white bright against a backdrop of blue. The goalie dove for it managing to get the tip of his finger on the edge.

It was more than enough. The ball swerved past the post.

The buzzer sounded soon after. It was over. 1-2. Odaiba High lost.

 _They lost_.

The rest was a blur. The players formed two parallel lines and shook each other's hands. Coach patted his back while muttering "You did good," or something to that effect. His friends stood smiling and cheered him on anyway when he went near the bleachers to collect his things.

He tried to smile for their sakes. He did. But Sora… Their eyes met. She'd know everything was wrong.

"You go on ahead," Taichi muttered while unlacing his cleats. "I'll catch up. Just need to shower."

He came out after 15 minutes. It was the longest shower he had, but it took time to wash the disgust off his body. Not that it mattered. No amount of vigorous scrubbing could make him feel like he didn't want to drown himself in disappointment.

The boy walked dejectedly to the goal post that his last shot had missed by a few mere centimeters. His fingers brushed against the cool metal surface.

"Taichi."

His body tensed. Then he realized whom the voice belonged to. Still, he continued to stare at the goal in silence hoping she'd get the hint and not say anything.

She did.

They stayed silent for a while, allowing the last rays of sunlight to give way to darkness. Padded footsteps behind him signaled Sora's approach.

"I let them down, Sora," he offered to her. God knows his best friend deserved it. After all the shit he gave her this year. "Everyone. The team, Coach, our friends… they were counting on me to win."

"You're human. You're not perfect," her gentle voice countered.

"We've been practicing that play for months. Everyone else was perfect. I fucked up the angle. I-I should've passed. Souji could have done it, maybe. Or Yukito. I was so intent on making that goal…"

"Taichi, stop. You're not going to obsess about this. It's just a game."

He bit back the retort that threatened to escape his lips.

 _It's not just any game. This was the last qualifier. Now Minato had to lose for them to get in. The spot should've been theirs if he didn't fuck up. Dammit! Why was he floundering now? He beat bigger monsters than fucking Shinagawa!_

Sora's arms circled his waist. Her slender frame pressed against his back. _It broke him._ Wordlessly, he leaned into her, hands finding hers.

"I let Hikari down too. She's sick because of me…"

Tears ran down his face. He felt so small, vulnerable – like he was seven again, with a cheek on fire from a slap from his mother.

* * *

"Taichi!"

The said boy lazily opened one eye and turned toward the source of the voice calling him. Behind a gaggle of second years was a bush of spiky red-brown hair and a waving hand. They probably belonged to the same person.

"Excuse me…" he heard the caller say. The small crowd slowly parted to reveal Koushirou and Miyako.

 _Wait, since when did Koushirou become taller than his sister's purple-haired friend?_

"Hey," he muttered in a half-hearted greeting.

Miyako ignored his lack of enthusiasm and launched her body into an idol pose with her two fingers making a v-sign. Koushirou, beside her, waved awkwardly. "I was on my way to see Jyou. He just moved back home from the recovery center two days ago. Do you want come with me?"

"Ah!" the girl beside him exclaimed loudly. Taichi could not ignore Koushirou's eyebrow raising ever so slightly as he turned to address her.

"Something wrong, Miyako?"

"I suddenly remembered I'm in charge of Ai-Mart this afternoon. An employee got really sick and we've been taking the afternoon and evening shifts. I'm sorry about Jyou. Maybe another day?" She hurriedly stuffed her books into her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"Oh uh… what about the disk drive you were asking for? Shall I bring it tomorrow?"

Miyako beamed at him causing Koushirou to redden slightly. Taichi had to stifle a laugh to avoid embarrassing him. "No way! You promised you'd show me your setup last week and you still haven't delivered. We can go tomorrow after class. Chizuru will cover for me. See you then!" With a wink and parting wave, she melted into the crowd.

"Sounds like a date," Taichi finally spoke up. He felt ignored during their exchange… not that he minded.

"Shut up!" the shorter boy cried. He took a few deep breaths before explaining. "She's thinking of building a new computer and I had a few ideas. I was also going to give her some extra parts she could use."

"Riiiiiiiight…" he rolled his eyes. "And when you're done with the boring stuff, maybe you can let her teach you a thing or two about flirting."

"WHAT?!" Poor Koushirou's face lit up in neon red if there was such a thing. His mouth hung open in aghast.

Taichi let out a huge guffaw. "She knows a lot more than you think. She was obviously flirting with you earlier."

His friend quickly shook his head. "Stop talking about Miyako like that. We've been friends for years, and she's the only girl I can be comfortable with in front of a computer." He glared at him before walking off in a huff.

 _Whoops. Well I guess I went too far._

He slammed his locker shut and sprinted after the angry Koushirou. "Hey, hey," he called when he finally caught up. "You never waited for my answer. I do want to go see Jyou."

His friend ignored him and continued walking.

"And I'm sorry about teasing you. Friends?"

Koushirou stopped abruptly and turned to face him. The taller boy yelped in surprised before crashing into him.

"Sorry! I didn't realize I was walking so fast."

"It's fine," he replied curtly. He sighed and walked slowly to the bench beside them. "I'm just not… comfortable with girls." His cheeks were red when he said this, which caused Taichi's eyebrows to hike up to his forehead.

 _Am I about to have a girl talk with Koushirou? What the hell?_

"I see you talk with Sora and Hikari all the time. I have no idea what you're going on about. And Mimi…" he drifted off to the recent memory of her just… staring blankly as the rest of the cheerleaders pointed and laughed while Koushirou looked back at her in hurt.

Taichi sighed and shook his head. "Never mind her. As I was saying, you get on with girls perfectly fine."

"Because they're my friends," Koushirou interrupted impatiently. His wildly gesticulating hands clued Taichi in that this weird conversation was getting too personal for his usually very composed friend.

"When other girls approach me or…" he blushed again as he thoughtfully considered his next words, "… flirt with me, I shut down. I just don't know what to say or do and I-I end up making a fool of myself." He lifted his head to stare straight at Taichi. His distressed look made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

He scratched at the area to get rid of the prickly feeling. _This is so fucking weird. One second, we're on our way to see Jyou, and the next…_

"I wish I were more like you."

His friend's next words snapped him out of his reverie. "No, no, no," the words automatically escaped him. "You don't want to be like me. I'm an idiot with girls too. If you want lessons, Yamato's your man. All he does is breathe and girls fall over themselves."

That got a laugh from Koushirou. "Maybe," he agreed, eyes twinkling mischievously. "But I prefer your method, honestly. You make it look easy and certainly a little less head-injury-inducing."

"Again, no idea what you're talking about, Koushirou," he said, pulling his friend back onto the sidewalk. They resumed their short trek to the Kido apartment. "I don't believe you've seen me flirt with girls because I don't remember ever doing it."

"Oh," Koushirou said, sounding genuinely surprised. "So that thing with, uh, Mimi… that was just you being friendly?"

The question sounded so innocent. If Yamato or Sora was asking him, he would've denied it hotly, not that it'd matter. The two read him like an open book. But with his younger friend, things were a bit more… complicated – especially since he had this nagging suspicion that Koushiruo had a tiny crush on Mimi as well.

Shrugging, Taichi placed both hands behind his head and walked on ahead. "That thing with Mimi is now irrelevant. She's a different person now, and I seriously think she's not our friend anymore."

He tried to play it off as casually as he could, but his heart slowly ached as the words rolled off his tongue. Mimi became a fast friend during the adventures in the Digital World. Even while she was in New York, they would trade countless emails and post cards just to catch up on each other's lives. For something so stupid like this to come between their friendship…

"Oh, hi!"

Both Taichi and Koushirou came to a start. Kido Shin, Jyou's eldest brother, cheerfully waved at them from across the crosswalk. After looking both ways, they jogged to meet him.

"I didn't know both of you were coming, but no matter. Jyou will be thrilled to see you. I was just going to get some stuff for dinner. Mom's at home though. Just go on up."

"Thanks, Shin," Koushirou replied with a short bow.

The two boys ran up to the elevator and stepped in. Taichi tried not to appear nervous as they approached the front door to the Kido apartment.

"You okay?" his friend asked him.

"Y-yeah," Taichi stammered, mentally kicking himself for not trying harder to disguise his feelings. "Just haven't seen Jyou since the hospital."

Koushirou lowered his finger that was about to push the doorbell. He glanced sympathetically at the taller boy. "He was basically isolated in the recovery center save for his family. Even Shuu said he wasn't allowed to see him until a few weeks in."

Taichi blew at his bangs. His fingers tugged at the hem of his school jacket. "Really?"

"Yeah. I feel terrible… about what happened to Jyou, but I was thinking about it. The best thing we can give him now is our support and friendship. That's why you and I are here, yes?"

The soccer player closed his eyes for a second, then grinned at his younger companion. That was a good enough answer for Koushirou. He pushed the button for the doorbell with conviction.

"Hi," the figure, their friend, greeted upon swinging the door open.

 _He looked good. Definitely put on some weight. His cheeks were a healthy pink and his hair was freshly trimmed._

Relief flooded Taichi. "Hey Jyou!" he said with a light clap on his shoulder.

Jyou gave him and Koushirou a smile. "Come on in. Mom just took some cookies out of the oven. She's been cooking non-stop since I got back."

After greeting Jyou's mother, the three boys settled in Jyou's room. The curtains were pulled back to allow the sunlight to stream in. All his schoolbooks were gone. On his desk were countless letters most probably from his friends and family.

Taichi made himself comfortable on the floor while Koushirou took the desk chair. Jyou placed a doorstopper in front of the bedroom door and settled on the edge of the bed.

Taichi glanced at the open door before turning to look at Jyou.

"It's a precaution," the older boy explained, while gesturing at the door. "I'm not allowed to close my door for a while."

"Oh."

"It's okay, Taichi. I'm getting used to it. It's been a long couple of months, but I really think I'm getting better."

"It's normal to not always be okay though, right?" Koushirou piped up. "I mean… if you're having relapses, you can tell us."

The blue-haired boy frowned slightly. His teeth worried his lower lip for a while before answering. "Todai is stressful," he mumbled, crinkling his nose as if he was thinking hard to remember. "Everyone's beating themselves up to be just good enough. You might wanna tell Sora and Yamato that. I heard they applied."

"They did," Taichi confirmed. His stomach abruptly dropped at the thought of Yamato on a hospital bed with tubes stuck down his throat. He was having problems too, although he never mentioned wanting to hurt himself. His best friend hardly ever talked to him about his bouts of depression. Sora was always the superior candidate for things like that. Yet during those precious few times that Yamato did seek his help instead, his helplessness in the situation terrified him. His best friend, and now, Jyou, were fighting battles, and all he could do was be a 'good friend'. He was _powerless. Useless._

"It's too early for acceptance letters though," he muttered.

Jyou cleared his throat before reaching for a glass of water. Gulping it down, he resumed his line of thought. "It just got to me. I've grown up comparing myself to my older brothers. It never really bothered me too much though, until I started flunking a few exams. Then it really hit me. These scars…" he glanced at the lines on his wrists. His eyes darkened. "I thought I was just playing. Then I started hallucinating…" he visibly shuddered, which caused Koushirou to dart to the bed to put a hand on his back.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Taichi and I are just here to give you support. Talk only when you're ready, Jyou."

"No, it's okay, Kou. Dr. Mori told me that talking about my experiences helps me come to terms about what happened. It also helps me identify what triggers my harmful impulses so that I can avoid them."

"Have you figured some of them out?" Taichi queried, curious.

Jyou nodded sagely. "Yeah. It's the feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness that invites the negative thoughts. And once the darkness sets in…" he sighed. "At first I though they were hallucinations. I'd wake up in other parts of the dorm, or outside and not remembering going there. But when I sat down with Dr. Mori, I unlocked a few memories."

"Like what?"

He took a deep breath before continuing. With his index finger, he traced the lines on his left wrist. "Of drawing the blade across my wrists. Trying to jump off the balcony. Of drinking 20 pills before blacking out."

"Oh my god…"

"Taichi!" Koushirou glared at him in admonition.

He shrank back from shame. _It wasn't that he was disgusted. No! Hearing Jyou say these things… made him believe without a doubt that he was bravely facing his problems._

 _It's just… hearing those words… picturing Jyou alone with his demons with his friends so far away…_

"I'm so sorry Jyou!" Taichi cried, pulling himself up to stand beside Koushirou. Beside him. "I'm your friend. I should've been there!"

Jyou stood up too, and placed his hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed. He smiled calmly. "No one was at fault. Dr. Mori and I discussed this too. I'm sick, Taichi. Very sick. You couldn't have done anything to stop it. But I'm getting better. It's slow, but it's happening. Please don't feel guilty."

"Why? How are you taking this so well?" he asked, tears leaking from his eyes. Thoughts… thoughts of Jyou hating himself swirled in his head like a twisted dance of scorn and ridicule. "You're our friend and we… we left you," he whispered brokenly.

"Because Dr. Mori made me realize something, and you're just confirming my realization."

"What's that?"

"That I'm not worthless."

Jyou's words hit him like a hammer. A realization came over him, like cold water dousing his entire body.

"The fact that you're my friends… that my parents, Shuu and Shin all care for me prove that I mean something. I'm worth something. And I should always choose to live."

The hand on his shoulder bore down like the weight of older boy's words. Taichi opened his mouth to say something – to thank him – but a soft knock signaling Mrs. Kido's arrival made him swallow his words.

"Hello boys. I made some snacks. Taichi, and Koushirou, you're both welcome to stay for a while."

Koushirou, _ever so polite,_ bowed and told her that, _yes, they will_. Together, the three made their way to the kitchen. The conversation moved on to lighter topics like the cookies, memories in the Digital World and Taichi's stupid antics.

A few hours and a good many cookies later, the two said their goodbyes to the Kidos and gathered up their things. While shoving his feet into his shoes, the doorbell chimed. Koushirou opened the door.

"Oh, it's you."

His greeting was laced with so much venom that Taichi thought it wasn't Koushirou who had said it.

Taichi looked up in time to see Mimi step back a little in hesitation. She warily eyed the shorter boy then realized who was kneeling behind him. He straightened up and her eyes lifted slightly to meet his.

She gulped.

"Oh, hi Mimi! It's good to see you again!"

 _Again? She'd been visiting Jyou?_

"Hello, Kido-san," she managed to stammer out in greeting to the Kido matriarch who suddenly appeared behind them. She walked past the two boys and gave the older woman a bow. "Um… hi, Koushirou… Taichi."

Koushirou let out a snort before leaving. Taichi, still shocked, continued to stare at her.

Thankfully, Jyou's mother noticed nothing and left for the kitchen to tell Jyou he had another guest.

He wanted nothing more than to bolt. Being alone with her again after what happened in the cafeteria made him sick.

"What are you doing here?"

She frowned. "What do you mean? I'm here to see Jyou."

"That's so nice of you," he gritted out. _Why was he doing this? It was obvious neither of them wanted to talk to each other._

She folded her arms in front of her. _Probably to shield herself from him._ "Jyou's my friend. He needs me."

"Sure," he countered with ease. "Just like Kou is your friend, right? What you did in the cafeteria? That's what friends do when they need each other." He though he saw a momentary flicker of regret in her eyes. Mimi's eyes always did betray her emotions. He always liked that about her.

 _Stop, Taichi. Just stop falling all over yourself._

"It's not what you think…"

"It doesn't matter what I think, Mimi," he interrupted her. _He was so done with this. Done with her. Koushirou was waiting for him outside._

"You hurt him. You hurt me. And guess what? Even Sora and Yamato were shocked after that stunt you pulled. I'm glad Jyou's your friend 'coz god knows you need a real one. But do to him what you did to Kou and I swear to god, I will never forgive you."

Furious, he stormed out the door. Without looking back, because seeing her sad face always crushed him, he closed the door with a final thud.

He looked up to see Koushirou peering at him curiously.

"You said she was irrelevant?"

He sighed. "Well she is now."

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Swinging his gaze from the television screen to the girl seated across him, Taichi swallowed a mouthful of onigiri (made by his sister instead of their mother, thank god) before reaching for another one. Hikari's steady gaze attempted to pin him down, but years of dealing with his eerily perceptive sister taught him a few tricks.

Yagamis were very good with tricks.

He chewed slowly to savor the umeboshi inside. For someone who was obsessed with sweets, Hikari was good with getting just the right combination of sour and salt in her riceballs.

"These taste good. You should cook more."

The smile that grew on her face, although sweet, hid an edge only he could possibly detect.

"I'm sure you don't mind if I get the last one, right?"

She made a vague gesture at the plate in front of them while giving him another one of her smiles. Taichi hid his discomfort behind the last onigiri. Shit. He had to find something else to distract her with.

"I can make you more, if you're still hungry."

It was an olive branch he was not expecting. An enthusiastic nod back served as his gesture for accepting her truce.

Hikari reached for the plate with cat-like grace. (There were a million and one reasons why Tailmon was her partner.) Throwing him a smile for the third time, she made her way to the kitchen counter.

"Thanks, Hikari!" he called out to her. _For not prying._

Her soft voice carried over the mindless din of the television.

"Just talk to her, okay? I'm sure she misses you."

 _Wait. What?_

A giggle erupted from his sister as he spat out grains of rice on the table. A flick of his eyes caught her all-knowing look before she turned back toward the counter and her task.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

The lie was painfully forced, and it made him cringe in embarrassment. She'd caught him this time; there was no way out.

He lost.

 _Damn Hikari and her tricks._

* * *

Taichi stood outside the window. He wasn't really much of an observer. He preferred doing things. Or talking. Watching and listening were so boring. Sora would criticize him on this attitude countless times. Yamato too, when he was not in a funk.

But the normally cool Yamato out in public with girls openly ogling from the next table, making him uncomfortable, was always an exception.

He watched in undisguised amusement as Yamato attempted to wave off the female waiter (trying to get his number, most likely). Looking around, his gaze locked with Taichi's through the clear glass… and his blue eyes narrowed.

 _Whoops._

Taichi sauntered into the café without appearing that he was hurrying too much.

His best friend rolled his eyes and gestured to the seat across the table.

"Took you long enough."

"Stuff came up," he supplied unhelpfully.

"Sure. Couldn't spare five seconds to message me from across the street?"

"Oh come off it man, you remind me of Sora. You should stop spending so much time with her. Her annoying habits are rubbing off on you."

His thin, blond eyebrow quirked up at his jab. "She's my girlfriend. Who else would you suggest I spend more time with? You?"

"Sure. Then you'd be way cooler."

As if on cue, two junior high girls giggled and sighed from the table beside them, reminding him that Yamato was plenty cool with the girls without his help.

Taichi rolled his eyes. Yamato groaned into his hands.

 _Well, squealing girls notwithstanding, mortified Yamato equaled a very happy Taichi._

"Please, remind me again why we're here," the aspiring rockstar whined. "The coffee isn't even that good."

"Doughnuts, my man. Try their matcha. It'll make you forget why you're such a pain-in-the-ass."

Yamato wisely chose to ignore his snide remark. He grabbed the menu and perused it.

"So, how's Jyou?"

"Good. He looks good, sounds good." Taichi's eyes softened when he saw the concern in Yamato's. He was well aware of how hard he was taking what happened to Jyou. Like him, Yamato felt very responsible about what happened, especially since he was one of the people Jyou called before he downed those pills.

"You should visit him."

Yamato sighed. "I should. I… I just don't know what to say."

The brunette shrugged. _Why does everything have to be so complicated with you? It's not like Jyou is a girl. Just tell him how you feel._

"Say you're sorry? Say you're glad he's back? Either of those seems okay."

The musician sighed again and handed him the menu. "Yeah, I'll think about it. I'll probably go this week. Speaking of which, when's the Minato-Azabu game? Wasn't that this week?"

Taichi's jaw clenched. He knew his best friend didn't mean malice by bringing it up. He just wished he wasn't having this conversation right now.

"It's tomorrow."

"Oh. Are you watching?"

He narrowed his eyes at the blond. "What's the point? Minato's fantastic this year. My season's over."

He waved at the waiter and gave his and Yamato's orders. After handing the waiter the menu, he busied himself by 'pretending' to check his phone.

Yamato sat patiently while he did this.

"I'm starving. Maybe I should've ordered that cake too…"

"It's been two weeks since your last game. Are you done beating yourself up for it?"

 _Oh boy, here we go._

He lifted his eyes to meet Yamato's gaze. Trying his best not to be unnerved by it, he opened his mouth for a clever retort but his best friend beat him to it.

"And I'm not going to settle for your forced casualness, got it? You tell me what's up and I'll tell Sora to stop worrying about you."

"So that's what this is about? I thought you cared for me, Yama," he pouted with a fake syrupy voice he heard his sister use before. "The only reason you're acting so concerned is because Sora put you up to this?" _He knew he was eventually going to piss him off. He just hoped it would happen sooner._

"Okay, I'd refute that but that really isn't the issue though, is it? Just tell me you're okay and I'll drop it."

' _I'm okay,'_ Taichi tried to say, but the words died in his throat. He tried again, but no sound came out. Frustrated, he glanced back at his phone, ignoring his best friend. _Fucking Yamato and his stupid, face._

"Hey," the blond insisted, but with a softer tone this time. Taichi regarded his concerned look.

"Two weeks, Taichi. Let it go."

"I can't," he spat out, frustration dripping from each syllable. "That was the one game we should have won. I was fucking captain and I let the team down!"

"And you're also a high school student, god! It's not like you sucked in that game. You were great!"

"Newsflash, Yama: We lost."

"It's the pressure isn't it?" Yamato said calmly. _Fuck, he hated how he was controlling this whole goddamn conversation._ "Everybody expects you to perform. To be the Golden Boy."

"God Yamato, I hate it when you call me that."

"I **don't** call you that," the blond pointedly reminded him. "It's stupid. But judging by your reaction, I guess everyone else does."

Taichi stopped, embarrassed. _Yeah, he did catch him there._ He'd heard it before – 'Golden Boy'. Teachers and schoolmates called him that behind his back _. It was stupid, and wrong. He was nothing like that. He was a failure._ "You make it sound like I'm a fucking monkey in a circus," he muttered darkly.

Yamato snorted at the image. "Listen, it sucks that you do things for them – Coach Ueda, the team, the school, those scouts. Maybe you don't have to."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. A headache was beginning to set in. Between his best friend's voice yammering away and the intensifying throbbing of his temples, he just wanted this stupid conversation to end. "So you want me to suck?" he spat at him, "Be the loser just so I can rebel against the order?"

"Oh shut up. You know that's not what I meant." Yamato sighed again. He sounded exasperated. _Jesus, where was their food?_ "I guess the difference between you and me is that I've stopped caring about what other people think."

Taichi blinked. He regarded Yamato curiously because it was the first thing he said all afternoon that didn't piss him off. "What makes you think I care about what they think?"

"You're a people pleaser, Taichi. You do stuff and people cheer you on. For you, everyone's happiness rests on your shoulders." Yamato eyed him warily as he chose his next words, "It's a heavy burden to carry."

 _Hm… well that's one way to put it._ Taichi frowned thoughtfully as he considered what his best friend just said. Meanwhile, the server had arrived with their food. The brunette shoved the first doughnut in his mouth and chewed violently. Yamato, in contrast, sipped benignly on his coffee.

"So what you're essentially saying is that I should be more like you," he offered, swallowing the last remnants of his doughnut. "That I should do things as I please and not give a fuck."

The boy across from him chuckled as he put his cup down. "It's not necessarily a bad thing – meeting your own expectations, doing things on your own terms." He reached across the table to grab Taichi's free hand.

The two boys locked eyes.

"I mean, wouldn't it be nice to make that goal for yourself instead of everyone else?"

* * *

A/N: So yeah Taiora scene at the beginning AND Taito at the end for you fans out there who are sick of Sorato. Taichi's friendships, I think, might be my favorite. For those who saw "Bokura no Mirai," that scene of Yamato and Sora talking about Taichi? You guys know what I'm talkin' about. GAH! I just love Sora and her boys so damn much!

Just so it's clear, Jyou was suicidal and delusional, okay? He was drifting in and out of reality in his chapter, hence, waking up in the balcony or holding his razor without remembering anything.

That looong conversation between Taichi and Kou WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN. I just wanted to stick Miyako in somewhere and the thing practically wrote itself.

And one last thing? Angry Taichi is HOT. His little fight with Mimi was a joy to write. Did you enjoy that as much as I did? Review please! ;)


	12. Be the Fool

A/N: Digiauthorener, awwww… you sweetheart! Thanks for giving my lil fic your time. (Can I read yours?) This fic might have been my tribute to the Chosen Children and my psychiatry rotation. XD Glad you're enjoying.

Hi y'all! I'm not dead, I swear. We are more than halfway done I still haven't written a Yama-Sora-Taichi (Taiorato?) scene. This will not do! Also, Melia, I wrote the last part for you. *kisses*

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 12 – Be the Fool

 _I'm sick of waking up alone,  
_ _Honey I'm pleading,  
_ _Let's put away the sticks and stones,  
_ _Be human beings,  
_ _I have the sense to be afraid, to be a fool._

"I'm exhausted!"

Yamato glanced up from his book to see his best friend wave up both arms in the air with a flourish before dropping into the cushioned seat beside him. It was the 24th of December, and the three friends decided to meet at a new café in Palette Town. The wind was already picking up outside as he was on his way. He had ordered a coffee to warm him up while waiting for his best friends. Taichi, of course, was late.

"Are you done being dramatic?" he muttered, returning to the book. A few seconds went by, but no answer came. He snuck another look at the boy beside him, but he was too busy staring at the rushing crowd outside.

He playfully elbowed his side. Startled, Taichi turned to him.

"What?"

"You spaced out."

"I didn't."

His eyebrow went up. "You did."

He shrugged, returning gaze on the window. "I was thinking."

 _Hm, interesting…_ Yamato put his book down to give him his full attention. "Uh oh, Yagami Taichi is thinking. Should I be worried?"

Taichi scoffed at him. "Sheesh, just because school's out, doesn't mean my brain automatically turns off. Give me some credit at least."

Tired of beginning another verbal war with his best friend, he decided to drop the teasing tone. After taking a sip of his coffee, he set the cup on the table and leveled his gaze at the brunette. "What's on your mind?"

Taichi's face broke into a wicked grin that notably did not reach his eyes. "You're adorable when you're being so serious and intense, Yama. Remind me again why we haven't kissed yet?"

 _Okay, he was actually being serious earlier and I teased him. I kind of deserved that._

"Beats me," he huffed, trying hard to play along without rolling his eyes. "Maybe it's because you like someone else?"

 _He meant it as a joke, honestly, but he noticed that Taichi's face had gone quite white in response._

He buried his face in the menu without another word.

Sighing, Yamato looked at his phone. A message from Sora told him she was on her way to the café. He quickly messaged her to take her time, and slipped his phone back into his pocket. Taking another sip, he glanced back at his friend who was still pretending to think about his order.

"Is that what you were thinking about, a girl?"

Taichi ignored him. He flagged down a female waiter and gave her his order.

The corner of Yamato's mouth angled upward in a smirk. He was practically ordering the entire cake section. Sora and he were going to have to hold him down during the impending sugar rush. Maybe they could lock him up in a karaoke booth. "Are we stocking up for the apocalypse?"

His best friend rolled his eyes at him, earning a small giggle from the waiter. She blushed upon realizing what she had done, and hurried back to the kitchen.

"I'm a growing boy," he justified, puffing his chest out.

"So you are," he acquiesced. "Are you done avoiding my original question?"

Taichi sighed and looked at the empty seat in front of them. Sora was probably hurrying in the cold outside. He suddenly wished he waited for her instead of going on ahead.

"Sorry. I was just wondering if you got Sora something for Christmas."

Instantly, heat rose on his face. "Yeah, I got her a gift," he stammered, mentally kicking himself for losing his composure so easily. "I-it's just a thing – not really a big deal."

He expected another snide remark (he deserved it for presenting the opportunity on a silver platter, not to mention he was a bit of an ass earlier), but Taichi remained silent and continued to stare straight ahead unblinkingly.

"Why did you ask?"

"Oh nothing." Taichi turned and gave him a small smile.

His best friend was acting weird today – even weirder than his usual brand of weirdness. Plus, he was being evasive. Of course, Yamato could always sic Sora on him to force the truth out. _Or_ _maybe I will. I better try to do it myself before asking Sora…_

"Excuse me," the waitress quietly interrupted before bowing. She placed several plates and a large mug on their table. "Um… here's your hot chocolate and your cakes. I'll be back for the other ones."

Taichi grinned and busied himself stuffing his face. Meanwhile, Yamato contented himself observing his best friend between sips of his drink.

"Are you done fighting with Mimi?"

The soccer player spluttered as he looked at Yamato in surprise. Bits of food scattered on the table. The blond was mildly disgusted, but being with Taichi had always resulted in messes. It was a thing he and Sora had to deal with since they became friends.

"Are you fucking kidding?! You saw what she did to Koushirou!"

"Give her a break. It's obvious Kobayashi and the rest of the cheer club are bullying her. It's not like the teachers care enough to stop it."

"She humiliated him in front of everyone! You know how Kou is with being in the center of attention."

"I'm not saying what she did was right. I'm saying she needs a friend right now." _God, what was wrong with them? Why were his friends being so stubborn? After all the near-death experiences they went through together, they were letting stupid high school drama get between their friendship?_

Taichi snorted then returned to his food. "Then be her friend. Mimi and I are not friends."

Yamato pursed his lips, annoyed. "Mimi and you are both pissing me off. You've ignored each other for three whole months. She's miserable, you're miserable. I'm not taking sides here, but you're my best friend. It's my job to tell you that you're being an idiot. You have to go talk to her."

"No, I don't have to talk to her ever again. Let it go, Yamato," he replied though gritted teeth. His tone of warning did not go unnoticed.

"Are you guys arguing again?"

The softer voice made them look up at the newcomer. A smile instantly formed on Yamato's face as he stood up and transferred to the other side of the table. She sat down beside him and glanced amusedly at their best friend.

"Yamato's butting into my business."

He rolled his eyes at him. "I'm trying to sort out your life. It's a mess, and you're useless."

"Okay, enough," Sora called out. Her mildly amused but commanding tone was enough to shut them both up. "It's Christmas Eve and I'm with my two best friends. Can we please try to have a good time?"

The two boys involuntarily straightened up. If there was anyone who could get either of them to behave, it was Sora. Takeru would complain again and again how his own brother would prefer to listen to his girlfriend over his own brother.

"You want something?" he asked his girlfriend quietly. After making sure Taichi's attention was still on his food, he snuck a small kiss on her cheek. Her face was cold from the winds outside.

"Just coffee and a plain cheesecake," she whispered back, face blushing adorably. "Are we still on for tonight?"

"Yup. Dad's working late tonight, as usual. The kitchen's all mine, but I had to promise him that the sake is off limits."

"We don't need alcohol to have fun." The second the words were out, they simultaneously flushed at the unintended double entendre.

An exasperated sigh sounded from the chair across them. They turned to address the source of the interruption.

"Are you two done being gross? You promised no mushy stuff while it's the three of us. And I saw that kiss, Yama. I think I threw up in my mouth a little."

Sora's blush deepened from embarrassment (and quite possibly anger). She reached across the table to whack him soundly on the head.

Yamato burst into laughter. _This was good. He felt good. He had not had an episode since August, when Jyou was still in the hospital. Even Jyou was looking cheerful despite being at home knowing his friends in Todai were taking their exams._

 _Things were looking up._

"So I know Christmas is for couples and romance, but I got you guys something." Taichi proudly produced a little shopping bag from under the table.

The blond's eyes widened in mild surprise. He glanced at his girlfriend who was mirroring his look of confusion.

"I figured, this might be our last Christmas Eve together for a while, since I'm not going to Todai next year."

"Hang on! We don't even know if we got in…"

"B-but Kyoto is just 2 to 3 hours away by train!"

Taichi held up a finger to silence both of their protests. "It's just not going to be the same," he explained, suddenly adopting a very businesslike tone. "Train tickets are expensive. Besides, you two will be studying your asses off. I think it's good that I'll be away for a while."

"Come on, Taichi," Sora interjected with a hurt look in her eyes. "You sound like you don't want to spend time with us anymore."

His eyes softened as he glanced at the only female of the trio. "Of course I want to be with you guys. We've been best friends since forever. Not even the two of you dating has managed to change that. But let's get real, we're not going to be in Odaiba forever."

While most of his time was taken up by schoolwork, the idea did cross his mind a few times. Despite their loss against Shinagawa, Taichi got a lot of offers from professional football clubs across the country. One he was particularly eyeing was Kyoto Sanga.

It was a painful thought, but their childhood was fast ending. A new world was waiting for them after high school, and from the look of things, his oldest best friend was going to be in another prefecture for most of it.

Yamato sighed. "Way to bring the energy down, Yagami," he mumbled under his breath. He tugged at the red plastic bag. "All right. Let's see what you bought."

Inside were two small key chains. Flipping the blue one over, Yamato noticed that the crest of friendship was engraved on it. Feeling a pang of sadness, he briefly wondered about Gabumon, where he was and what he was doing at the moment. He handed the red one to Sora.

She examined it closely. Then, tears filled her eyes. Leaning across the table, she threw her arms around the brunette in a tight hug.

"I love you, you idiot," she sniffled, trying desperately to wipe her eyes.

Taichi gave her a tender smile, and glanced at Yamato. "Take care of her," he mouthed silently.

Yamato gave him a slight nod.

* * *

The two of them walked side-by-side. He carried cloth bags filled with ingredients, while she a small cake box. Around them, tiny snowflakes began to fall from the darkened sky.

That evening, the city would be filled with couples holding hands, rushing to reach their dinner reservations. Restaurants would overflow with people. They tried joining the crowd the previous year, but the experience was more troublesome than it was romantic. This year, they both decided to make their own dinner instead.

Ishida Hiroaki promised he'd come home late – until their meal was over. It was a thoughtful gesture. It was the first and only time Yamato was thankful his father was such a workaholic.

He hurriedly opened the apartment door to let her in. The warmth of the room rushed out, instantly melting the bits of snow on his face and hair. Putting down his bags, he helped Sora with her coat.

Her cheeks were red from the cold outside. Unfurling her scarf, he allowed his fingers to play with the strands of hair that framed her face. His heart was racing just looking at her. After spending so many years being with her, she still made him nervous and giddy like the first time he realized he was falling.

 _She's so beautiful._

"Are you going to kiss me?" she whispered, her breath smelling of coffee and chocolate.

Yamato pulled her toward him. Dipping his head, he slanted his lips against her smiling ones.

"I love you, Yama," she mumbled into his mouth.

His heart was thundering now, beating wildly against his chest.

He released his hold on her, and reached for the groceries. "I'll start preparing the food," he said, escaping into the kitchen before he lost his mind. Something about the holiday, snow and her chocolate-flavored lips made his thoughts all muddled.

They worked quietly, with only minimal interruptions. Had Taichi been there with them, it would've taken three times as long. But Christmas Eve was for couples, and the brunette always made it point to meet with them in the early afternoon to give way to their evening date.

He deftly chopped up the vegetables and prepared the stock. Meanwhile, Sora filled the cooker with rice grains. The delicious smell of mirin and soy sauce started to fill the kitchen.

"Did you buy some sesame oil?" Sora asked while perusing the bags they brought home.

He opened the cabinet in front of him and handed her a bottle.

"I could get used to this," she joked while grinning at him. She added a few drops of the oil to the pot and gently stirred the contents.

"Cooking dinner on Christmas Eve?"

"Cooking dinner with you," she corrected him.

 _It was comments like those that would make his traitorous heart leap. He would daydream countless times of having a family of his own – a small group of people to love and cherish forever. It was a weird fantasy for a seventeen-year-old, but he never did have a proper family growing up. The closest thing he had was Taichi and Sora. But picturing her carrying an auburn-haired baby in her arms and another with his eyes… it was so perfect and terrifying at the same time._

They resumed cooking the sukiyaki. It was delicious. Over dinner, Sora told him about how her father was taking the day off to take her and her mother ice-skating. She invited him, but he graciously declined. Her father, like his, was rarely home to spend time with his family since he lived in Kyoto. Besides, Hiroaki also had the day off and was mysteriously hinting at an activity tomorrow evening. The thought slightly worried him.

After dessert, they headed for the balcony in their coats and mittens. Yamato warmed some milk and melted the leftover chocolate from their afternoon snack with Taichi.

"I got you a gift," he said quietly, avoiding Sora's gaze. He was blushing madly, but hoped his scarf hid it well enough.

Sora's eyes lit up in excitement. She fumbled with the small package with her gloved hands. He tried helping her, but two pairs of hands made it even more difficult to open the carefully wrapped box. Finally giving up with a groan, she pulled off her gloves and ripped the cellophane tape off.

Inside was a gold necklace. The pendant was a small red stone the exact shade of her ruby red eyes.

"This is the second time this year you got me something pretty," Sora sighed, fingering the delicate gold chain. "You're spoiling me."

"I'm thanking you," he clarified for her. After taking his own gloves off, he carefully took the necklace out of its box and placed it around her neck. He hooked the tiny clasp and took a step back to admire his handiwork. "There's no mirror, though. So you won't see it."

"It's fine, Yama." She lifted her face to smile at him affectionately.

The hand resting on her shoulder slipped down to her waist, curving around it. He tugged at her slightly so that her body was resting flush against his own. Leaning down, he watched her face redden prettily as her eyelids fluttered to a close.

"I love you, Sora," he mumbled before pressing his cold lips to her warm ones.

 _He was falling so fast, but he had no intention of stopping._

* * *

Stifling a yawn, Yamato pushed the button to the doorbell. The tune chimed followed by muffled footsteps. As the door swung open, Kido Jyou greeted him with a startled look. "Oh, hey Yamato. Merry Christmas. I had no idea you were coming."

"I just felt like it," Yamato replied with a shrug. His eyebrows suddenly knitted in concern. "I'm not bothering you, am I? Is this a bad time?"

"Oh, no!" Jyou exclaimed. He opened the door completely as a silent invitation. They both headed inside to the kitchen were the older boy's mother was puttering about preparing brunch.

"Merry Christmas, Kido-san," Yamato greeted her politely. He handed her the box of green tea he was carrying as a small token.

The woman's look of intense concentration broke into a cheery smile. "Merry Christmas, Yamato. Thank you. Would you stay for brunch? I'm afraid Shin is still stuck in the hospital, and I made too much fried chicken."

"Only if it's not too much of hassle, Kido-san."

She smiled at him reassuringly. "Oh of course not. I quite enjoy having all of your friends over for company." The Kido matriarch returned to her task. "You can go into Jyou's room if you want some privacy," she gestured toward the hallway. "I'll call you when the food is ready."

"Thanks Mom."

"Your dad isn't here?" he asked his friend as they entered his bedroom.

"He and Shin are in the hospital. They went extra early to do their rounds so they can make it back in the afternoon. Shuu's just doing last minute errands. He'll be back for brunch."

Yamato took a seat on the floor by the window. Leaning against the wall, he glanced up at the older boy who was sitting on his unmade bed. "Thanks for the handouts, by the way. Taichi stole them though, so I have yet to give them back."

Jyou laughed while waving his hand. "It's fine. I have a spare copy somewhere. You guys can have it. It felt strangely therapeutic going through my school stuff after missing most of the second term," he reflected thoughtfully. "I mean, I'm still really sad I missed so much, but I'm hopeful I can catch up…"

He was smiling, but Yamato knew there was something he was not telling him. Something in the way he was fiddling with his hands, or letting his gaze wander around the room hinted that his friend might not as 'okay' as he claimed to be.

"Have you seen any of your friends from UTokyo?"

The flash of sadness in his dark grey eyes was unmistakable. There was something; he hoped that it was something he could help him with. After a lot of shared experiences in the Digital World, he always considered Jyou a close friend. He also rather respected him. They all did. Seeing him in such pain made his heart ache.

"N-no, not really," he mumbled more to himself than to Yamato. The fidgeting increased. "They're probably too busy with exams. I don't blame them. Schoolwork was nothing I expected. The pressure was what made me start to…" he shuddered and trailed off into silence.

Yamato wanted to break the silence. He really did, but he did not know how. They had several conversations since Jyou had moved back to Odaiba temporarily to recuperate. The first one back in October was especially painful and awkward. It was him blurting out continuous apologies for missing that damn call (there were never enough apologies), and Jyou reassuring him it was not his fault (Yamato was never convinced). Throughout the months, Jyou told him what happened, and what he and Dr. Mori were discussing. He was surprisingly very open about very private things. Lately though, he seemed a bit distracted, evasive.

Yamato chewed on his lip in thought. If the end of term exams at Tokyo University were making Jyou relapse, he would have to tell his mother. It was an agreement they had with his doctors to prevent him from hurting himself again.

"Jyou, can I ask you something?"

"Hm?" He gaze was fixed on the space beside Yamato; he was looking at him while avoiding eye contact at the same time. His eyes appeared glazed behind his glasses.

"Have you seen him lately? You know… that person that looks like you?" He was pertaining to the hallucinations of a doppelganger goading him into doing horrible things. The older boy would bring him up occasionally in conversations about his mental condition. Even Taichi knew about the mysterious figure.

Jyou's adam apple trembled as he swallowed. Looking down at his lap, he shook his head while screwing his eyelids shut. "When I look in the mirror, I know it's me. But I can't stop thinking that someone… that **he** is watching me. I know I'm being absurd. It's been four months!" he sighs impatiently. "I should be fine… right?"

Their eyes meet and Yamato saw uncertainty, frustration and… fear. He wanted to reassure him. _He wanted to tell him that, yes, he was fine. That he, as his friend, would do anything to keep anything bad from ever happening to him again._

"How do you do it?" the older boy whispered to him. "You go through this your whole life. How do you live without being so scared all the time?"

Smiles, warm hands, endless teasing, promises, hair the color of sunsets, eyes the color of hot chocolate – dying never crossed his mind because life meant both of them.

"Friendship," he confessed. His fingers tugged at his new keychain hanging from his belt. It felt firm and heavy in his hands. _My crest keeps me alive. Taichi and Sora… they keep me alive_.

"Don't face it alone Jyou, not when you have us. We'll help you. I'll help you."

 _I'll save you._

* * *

Christmas dinner was a pleasant surprise. Ishida Hiroaki brought home a bucket of freshly cooked fried chicken for them to share. How he managed to snag one despite the chaos outside every single Kentucky Fried Chicken store was beyond him. Takeru was, of course, with his mother that evening so it was just the two of them.

They chatted about Yamato's band (he was taking a break for his last term), his studies, and Takeru. The temptation to tell him about his younger brother's problems with their mother threatened to spill from his mouth. Takeru worried him to no end. He tried his all to get him to talk, but his brother evaded all his attempts with ease. Takeru was always better with words than him. Words and feelings stumped him.

Hiroaki asked him about Sora, and he blushed fiercely. He told him how she placed in the tennis tournament, but withdrew to review for the upcoming college entrance exams. They both dropped their club activities to devote more time to studying.

"Well don't study too hard," his father said while clapping a heavy hand on his shoulder. "These are the last days of your childhood. You shouldn't be in such a hurry to grow up."

His gaze drifted down to his half-eaten dinner. _Well that's just the thing. I feel like I grew up years ago._

* * *

The holiday season came and went. The Ishida's received a peculiar phone call the morning of New Year's Eve. It was yet another holiday, and the two men were cleaning the house in preparation for the coming year.

His mother's voice was on the other end of the line, inviting both of them to the Takaishi household for dinner. Yamato held is breath. He caught his father's eye who was peering at him curiously as he arranged the pillows on the couch.

"I'll ask him," he promised her.

Hiroaki, unfortunately, was busy that night. The station was airing a New Year's Eve special that required him to be there. He called up his boss to bargain, and, luckily, managed to get off work a little earlier than he should have. They both promptly finished the remainder of the chores and prepared for the evening. While his father rushed to work, Yamato went to a nearby restaurant to buy some mochi.

His mother greeted him at the door. Exchanging his shoes for house slippers, he padded to the dining room where several boxes of osechi were placed on the table. The dishes were arranged in an elaborate design – something akin to Sora's floral arrangements. Takeru sat at the table, smiling benignly at him.

"Where is your father?" their mother inquired from behind him.

Yamato felt the argument brewing in her. Their parents had been more or less civil since the fight with Apocalymon. The world had to come to an almost end for his parents to speak to each other again. After that, there were the occasional phone calls, the even rarer meals together, and Takeru's awkward birthday party. This was the first time that the four of them were spending the New Year since the divorce.

"He had to go to FujiTV. He promised to be back by eight."

He wasn't. It was eight thirty when his father called him. Guilt was evident in his voice as he explained to Yamato that something came up ( _something always came up_ ). Natsuko cleared her throat as she reached her hand across the table.

"Can I talk to him?"

Every muscle in his body screamed at him to not give it to her. He tightened his hold on his phone. "It's okay, Dad. We started eating anyway. Will I meet you at home?"

"No. I'm leaving in thirty minutes. Save some food for me, okay?"

"Yamato." His mother's steely look made his stomach curl. Utterly defeated, he wordlessly handed her the phone.

"Hiroaki," she whispered as she stepped into her room. The rest of her sentence was silenced by the closing of the door.

"Do you want some more noodles?" Takeru asked in a falsely cheery tone. His smile was tight, and did not reach is eyes. He held out a large bowl filled with soba noodles.

He shook his head in reply. His plate was still full of food. "This was a bad idea," he mused, nose wrinkling in regret. "I knew he was working tonight. I should've just told Mom that I was coming alone."

The smile on his brother's face faltered for a second before returning. He bit into a piece of shrimp and chewed slowly. _Since when did Takeru learn how to mask his feelings so well?_ _He used to be such a baby._ "It was either him or Fujikawa-san. I did not need much convincing."

The ice in his tone as he said his name did not escape Yamato. He sighed as he met his brother's gaze. "They're still together?"

"Yes." The anger was more evident now. Takeru abruptly stopped eating. He placed his chopsticks on his bowl and pushed back his chair.

"Don't avoid talking to me, Takeru."

"I'm not avoiding anything," he retaliated. His expression was twisted into a flurry of emotions – fury, sadness, frustration and loathing. He stood up and began pacing. "Why do we even bother? It's not like we get along anyway. Dad's too busy working and Mom's off in her own world." He stopped and met his eyes. The resentment was gone. The only emotion he saw in them was sadness. "And you're… you're always studying. We never have time for each other."

 _No…no!_

"Takeru…"

"I need to take a walk," he brusquely cut him off with a wave of a hand. He stormed out of the room. The loud bang of the front door echoed in the now silent dining room. Yamato gave a deep sigh.

The sad thing was this was the longest conversation they had all month. He had indeed been busy with schoolwork. Preparation for the college entrance exams took up so much time he had to give up everything – even Takeru. Guilt gnawed into his skin.

It took a few more minutes before his mother rejoined him. He did not even bother thinking of a lie to excuse his brother's disappearance. She wouldn't believe him anyway. He told her about the argument, conveniently leaving out Fujikawa-san's involvement.

Natsuko eyes fell. "I just wanted to have a nice family dinner…" Her voice trailed off into uneasy silence. Yamato stared at his food. It remained untouched since his father's phone call.

"We're not much of a family though, are we Mom?" It was true. The ties were cut several years ago, when his parents decided to split their family in half and move to opposite sides of Tokyo.

"I-I…" she paused and looked at her fidgeting hands. "I'm just doing the best that I can, Yama."

Only three people called him that: Sora, Taichi (when he wanted to get a rise out of him) and her. Nobody else dared. It was always his mother's special nickname for him.

"So is Dad," he said with a sigh. He was exhausted. He just wanted to climb into bed and sleep the night away. "I know he works a lot, but he always takes time to call up Takeru and me everyday to check on us. It's just how he is…"

 _It's how I am._

They fall into awkward silence broken by the clatter of eating utensils. Yamato had lost his appetite, but did not want to upset his mother further. He glanced at his watch, praying for the night to end.

"We should find Takeru," his mother sighed.

His gaze flitted to the window outside. Snow was lightly falling from the sky. _Odd, it rarely snowed in Tokyo. The little 'snowstorm' in Christmas Eve caused quite a shock among the locals._ "It's okay, Mom. He just needs time to cool down. You know how I was when I was his age." He looked up and caught her watching him with soft eyes – eyes she shared with him and Takeru. _If only their blood ran thicker than water._

They smiled sadly at each other, and finished their meal.

* * *

A/N: Yamato. Stop. Being. So. Difficult. Fuck. I love you with all my heart, Babe, but you're sapping all the writing outta me. (I have no idea why I gave him the supposedly fluffy Christmas/New Year episode out of all people. This was depressing!). And to continue with the melodrama, Hikari is up next.

Song is "Milk and Honey," by As Tall As Lions. "Osechi" is like bento eaten by the Japanese in the New Year.


	13. There Is A Light that Never Goes Out

A/N: Uh so… I have no excuse. I'm very sorry for going radio silent for five freaking months. J8919: compared to the other chosen, Jyou's story is still up in the air. His Todai friends have their own problems too. Some might even be depressed like him. Mental illness is frequently an invisible disease, and we have to be really perceptive, patient and loving to help those who suffer from it. To my anonymous commenter, heyyyyy this chapter is for you then. ;) Hi Melia! Sora, indeed, is love. Glad you enjoy my take on her.

This happens immediately after the last chapter despite it taking ages for me to post. Song is by The Smiths. Hikari loves 'em. What can I say?

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine.

* * *

CHAPTER 13 – There Is A Light that Never Goes Out

 _Take me out tonight,  
_ _Oh take me anywhere, I don't care.  
_ _Driving in your car,  
_ _I never, never want to go home._

A series of notes chimed from her pocket. The three other people in the room turned from the soccer game on the television to stare at her. She felt the heat creeping up her face in embarrassment. "Can I answer it, Dad?" she asked him respectfully. The Yagami patriarch's eyes softened. She darted to her room and closed her door for some privacy. Her best friend's name flashed on the screen.

"Hello? Takeru?" Her fingers played with the cat charm hanging from her phone. She strained to hear the young boy's voice.

"Can you come here?" He sounded so small and broken. Her heart started to throb a dull, aching pain. This was the first time he sought her out on his own volition. Since she started spending more time with Tatsuya, Takeru would go off with Daisuke or his friends in the basketball club after school. They still sat beside each other in class or in the cafeteria for lunch, but he felt so distant – like a deep canyon had formed between them.

"Where are you?"

"At the sidewalk… outside my apartment."

She was on her feet in an instant. After begging her father and brother to let her walk outside in the snow, she slipped into her coat and boots.

Takeru was in pain – she felt it in her heart. She willed her legs to move faster. If only she had legs like her brother, or wings like Angewomon, she would be beside him instantly. Small white puffs of cold air blew out of her mouth and nose as she made her way to her destination. Before long, a figure with golden hair formed at the edge of her vision. Her heart sped up as she quickened her pace.

"Takeru!" she gasped, doubling over trying to catch her breath.

He looked concerned as he helped her up. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, allowing her small body to lean on him ever so slightly. They stood there in silence, watching the tiny snowflakes dance across their vision. Her bare hand reached for his. She stole a glance at her best friend. His eyes were dark, stormy.

"Are you okay?" she threw his question back at him.

His hand in hers stiffened momentarily. His eyes closed as he breathed out his answer, "I don't want to talk about it right now, Hikari."

She understood. Squeezing his hand, she returned her attention upward. Fireworks had erupted, lighting the sky in a symphony of shapes and bright colors. Far away sounds of Beethoven's Symphony Number 9 could be heard from the bay.

"Make a wish," Takeru whispered as he pulled her toward him. His arm rested easily on shoulder like it belonged there all her life.

 _I wish for your happiness, Takeru. Because your happiness has always been mine._

She allowed him to fold her further into his embrace. His warm breath ruffled her hair as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"Happy New Year, Hikari."

* * *

A loud bang from the door outside brought her out of the monotonous stupor her English worksheets had lulled her into. She blinked furiously as the words carefully printed on white paper swam in front of her eyes. 'Such a bothersome language,' she recalled herself complaining to Takeru one afternoon while he smirked from behind his novel-for-the-week.

"I think it's beautiful."

She snorted, miffed at how dismissive he sounded. "There's just too many rules, and ten times more exceptions. It doesn't make any sense!"

The book (E. E. Cummings, yet another author who wrote in English and broke rules, capitalization this time) was swiftly lowered to reveal her best friend's face. She was expecting his usual smile – an equal blend of mischief and warm amusement at her hysterics. She was taken aback, however, to find him completely serious.

"And that's the beauty of it," he mused thoughtfully as he chewed on his bottom lip. "You think you finally understand after learning the language for sometime, but when you read something new, something so different, you realize…"

Another bang, her bedroom door this time, made her jump out of her seat. The once vivid memory melted away into an image of her brother with half of his body peeking through her doorway.

"Oh hey, Hikari. Didn't think you'd be here."

Her lips automatically curled into a half grin. She spread her arms in a wide circle and swept them across the room. "This _is_ my room, Taichi."

The guffaw escaped his pursed mouth. "Yeah, I know, I know. I just remember you saying you were going to go over English with Takeru today."

Yes, she did say that, but Tatsuya made that face again when she mentioned it to him so she changed her mind and called her best friend about the change in plans.

"Anyway," Taichi barreled on as he fully entered her room and made himself very comfortable on her bed. "It's good that you're here 'cos I need to talk to you about something."

Hikari straightened up at the unexpectedly somber tone her brother adopted. She took in the slight hunch in his shoulders and that flash of worry in his usually bright eyes. Swallowing the invisible lump in her throat, her fingers slipped into her pocket, closing around the familiar worn cotton of her hanky inside.

"I got the letter."

"What do you mean?"

"Kyoto University. It came in the mail this morning."

The lump returned, doubled in size. It continued to grow steadily as her eyes watered.

"Hikari…" Taichi started, his hands reaching out to her general direction. She could see the concern in him intensifying.

"You got accepted. You're going," she managed to choke out. The tears started to sting and she tried desperately to blink them back.

 _No. Stop. It will be okay._

"I don't have to though. If you don't want me to, I won't."

Everything around her went cold. And the banging in her ears, _god!_ Like a million doors slamming a million times, and a million Taichis disappearing behind closed doors.

"No! Y-y-you sh-should, you should go…" she stammered before her throat completely closed up. Gasping for air, she fell to her knees on the floor just as her brother shot off the bed and toward her.

"It's okay!" he said in a surprisingly calming voice even if his eyes were anything but. His arms felt warm around her but there was so much cold, so much that she wasn't sure if there was enough of his warmth to save her.

"You're going to be okay," he groped for more words, the right words, as Hikari's vision grew hazy through the tears. She swallowed a few more times until the lump slowly started to dissolve. Gradually, her breathing evened out and her pulse slowed to a crawl.

It was only then that she noticed the rumpled sheet of paper in his fisted hand – the same hand that held her to keep her from crumpling into a formless heap. It was his golden opportunity and it was here. She had no right-

"I'm not getting better, am I?" she whispered and her brother, her poor, brave brother, finally broke down.

* * *

" _And that's the beauty of it. You think you finally understand after learning the language for sometime, but when you read something new, something so different, you realize…"_

" _What? You realize what?"_

 _He smiled and picked up his book again._

" _That you prefer the chaos."_

* * *

It still felt strange on some occasions, that when she would look at their joined hands, she would see a tanned one with shorter, thicker fingers. Or his laughter would sound low-pitched, and less relaxed. Or how a dimple on the left cheek would be missing. Or how his hair was too dark. But along with all the physical differences the two boys had, the thing that she noted most frequently was how she felt more anxious whenever she was with…

The cinnamon-eyed girl quickly shook her head to dispel such thoughts. She liked spending time with Tatsuya. She liked Tatsuya. In her head, she repeated those three words like a mantra, as she approached the name's bearer underneath a sakura tree, still dry and dead from the winter chill. Around them, students chatted excitedly as they went their separate ways – the studious off to juku, the helpful to their respective homes to do chores, and those like her, to meet their boyfriends.

The thought made her blush, as she approached Tatsuya. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that did not notice his frown until she was standing right in front of him.

"Tatsuya," she murmured, her voice laced with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"Hikari," he nodded, frown slightly lessening, but still evident. "I wanted to talk to you."

The girl hoped that by her smiling, he would smile too. But deep down, she felt a wave of uneasiness. His tone somewhat suggested… spiteful feelings – _no, Tatsuya would never_ …

"What is it, Tatsuya?"

Their eyes clashed and she found herself shivering. _Why did his normally gentle eyes look so unpleasant all of a sudden? What was happening?_

"Tell me the truth, Hikari. Please. What are Motomiya and Takaishi to you?" The way he uttered, no, spat their names out, made it clear that the jealous looks he sent their way when he saw them with her were not only in her imagination.

 _Was this what it meant to be someone's girlfriend?_

She clasped her hands on her lap, praying to the heavens to give her courage. "Daisuke and Takeru are my best friends. We've been through the most difficult times together," _in, out and beyond this world._ "And because of that, I know that I can always count on them. Why do you sound so angry, Tatsuya?"

He scowled at her words. "You spend too much time with them. Just yesterday, you canceled on our date because you had to be with Takaishi."

 _There it is again, that malevolent tone while saying his name._ "He's going through things that nobody would understand. He needed me," she explained earnestly.

"I need you too."

"Yes, but…" her gaze fell on her already tightly fisted hands. She felt her heart racing and tears welling up in her eyes.

"Hikari," he said, his voice abruptly soft, like it used to be.

She looked up to meet his eyes. _Soft and dark, nothing like the clarity of the blue sky she knew._ Knots formed painfully at the pit of her stomach.

"I'm not asking much. I just think you should spend less time with them. Takaishi, especially. I've seen how you look at him. It makes me uncomfortable."

She caught the hint of accusation ( _How dare he?_ ), but the unthinkable idea of pushing her best friend even further away made her panic. _What would she do without him? What if her nightmares came back? Tatsuya would not know what to do. She had not told him of her nightmares_. "But Takeru is... He's my best friend, and I am his."

"Hikari," the boy spoke slowly, as if explaining to a child. "You are my girlfriend, not his. This is important to me. You," he stressed, "are important to me."

"I-" tears blurred her vision to a hazy image of green and brown. No blue. No gold. Her heart was racing. She felt like being forced into a dark room with no windows, no light, no sunshine. Her sun. _Takeru._

"Is doing what I want too much to ask?" His dark, thick fingers reached for her. His warmth that she loved so much was gone. His hand was cold and hard – like ice.

"B-but Takeru…"

"I'm sure he will be fine without you."

"He's my best friend!"

"You're my girlfriend! You're mine! Mine!" he cried and the loudness of his voice made her flinch. She clung to her book bag in blind panic.

She wanted to run away. She wanted to scream. She wanted to claw at his hateful face. But more importantly, she wanted to be with Takeru, as fear, confusion and anxiety filled her heart.

"No… I am not yours," she mumbled, head down, afraid to look at the boy she thought was kind and thoughtful. "And I'm not Takeru's either. I am Hikari. I am my own person."

"Hikari?"

She wished she could be firmer with her words, but her trembling voice revealed how frightened she truly was."I-I'm sorry Tatsuya. I don't think I can be with you anymore."

And before the bewildered boy could utter another word, Hikari fled.

* * *

She felt him even before he spoke. It was like she had a built-in radar in her mind that beeped whenever he was within a three meter radius.

Still silent, she felt his arms wrap tightly around her, soon followed by the warmth of his breath in her hair. She let him envelop her with his quiet comfort for a few minutes, until her tears dried up, until her sobs quieted down, until her mind grew clearer.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he finally asked.

"No," she mumbled into his neck.

"Okay." He fell silent again after that.

"Would you like to talk to someone about it?"

 _No_ , she prepared to say, but decided against it.

"Yes."

* * *

A dazzling, golden light made her squint as the door swung open.

"Takeru. Hikari."

The second name, her name, sounded more like a question than a greeting.

She shrank back from his inquiring gaze as her hands sought for Takeru's. Sensing her apprehension, Takeru propelled her and his older brother, the greeter, through the door of his father's apartment.

Inside, a slender girl with fiery red hair stood up from the couch in mild surprise. Papers, pens, and a binder toppled to the floor in a confused scatter-pile.

"Hikari!"

"Um," Takeru started.

"You should have said you were coming over," Yamato gently chided him while gesturing at an empty dining table. "I would've prepared snacks."

Takeru smiled apologetically at his brother. "Don't worry. I'm not staying. I just brought Hikari here because she wanted to talk to Sora."

A blond eyebrow shot up in curiosity. Hikari looked away from his probing eyes.

Something about Yamato threw her off. It wasn't that he did or said something to her, but by being himself, it affected her. It was how he looked and sounded so much like Takeru, and how he didn't. After Takeru hit puberty at twelve, his awkward countertenor deepened to a quality only a few notes higher, but not unlike his brother's. Years of spending time together since their adventures in the Digital World (they were inseparable since) affected both their speaking habits and inflections. Takeru, of course, lost the baby-talk, and spoke with more authority and confidence inspired by his brother. On the other hand, Yamato became less aggressive and was more thoughtful with his words.

Their looks, a favorite point of comparison by anyone, were similar, but also vastly different in her opinion. Though both shared blond hair and bright blue eyes, Yamato was slightly paler, taller, more angular and had a touch of darkness about him.

Darkness she believed Sora did her best to keep at bay.

Sora, the child of love. Love – the primary reason for her tears that afternoon. _She would help rid her of the ache in her chest._

"Is that right, Hikari?"

She nodded while still glancing at Takeru, apologizing for not telling him instead. Begging him to understand.

He turned to Yamato, not quite acknowledging her silent pleas. "I'm going to Mom's now. Call me if she needs me?"

 _I need you everyday, Takeru. But I can't talk to you yet. I'm sorry._

"Sure, Takeru."

The finality of the door closing behind his retreating back made her rethink her decision. She was almost tempted to run after him, and call out his name again and again until he would turn around to give her one more smile…

But Sora put an arm around her shoulders and gently led her into Yamato's room. It was surprisingly neat, the young girl noted, considering the rest of the apartment looked like a warzone. Furniture was sparse – a bed, a tiny desk with tall piles of books and papers, and a study chair. _Were the amplifier and guitar in the far corner considered furniture?_ There was a striking absence of clothes strewn haphazardly on the floor, no junk food wrappers under the table, no scraps of paper with unfinished song lyrics on them, absolutely no evidence that an adolescent boy lived in this room. _Strange_. She gingerly sat on Yamato's bed after seeing Sora had already occupied the less comfortable chair.

"Are you all right?" the older girl asked her worriedly.

Being inside Yamato's personal space, on his bed, made her even more unnerved than while she was being subjected to his curious stares moments ago. How she would give anything to be with Takeru now.

"Hikari?" her companion's voice brought her back to the real world.

Tears came unbidden into her eyes. She frantically searched for her favorite handkerchief, and remembered her mother washed it that day. She took deep breaths. _Calm down, Hikari. Take it one step at a time._

"It's all right," her gentle tone soothing her. Her motherly smile, though not quite like Taichi's confident or Takeru's sunny one, was reassuring enough. She sought the warmth of her hand, which Sora freely gave without hesitation.

"It hurts, Sora," she mumbled.

"What does?"

Her free hand clutched at an invisible ache in her chest. "My heart."

The redhead squeezed her hand in encouragement. "Did you and Takeru have a fight?"

Hikari shook her head vigorously. At least that question, she could answer easily.

"Tatsuya and I… we ended our relationship." _That was a lie. She ended their relationship and would most likely take the blame. He just stood there, innocent in his own eyes, but she knew better. He goaded her into making that decision by saying horrible things_.

"He didn't like how I was friends with Daisuke and Takeru. He wanted me to spend more time with him, and less time with them."

Sora gave her a confused frown. "Why? Does he dislike them?"

She sniffled as tears started to blur her vision. "No. I don't think so."

"Hm," she paused for a bit. Then, understanding dawned on her face. "Do you think he was jealous?"

"I th-thought Tatsuya was a good person," she stammered through her tears. "He's very kind and barely says bad things about other people. I didn't think he would feel jealous at all…"

Sora's ruby eyes darkened. "Jealousy is a dangerous thing. It can ruin even the best of people."

 _Jealousy. She did not like this emotion in particular, out of all the others she knew. Sora was right. It corrupted, planted evil thoughts in one's heart. If good people, like Ken, could fall prey to jealousy's influence, and destroy hundreds of lives as a result, then Tatsuya…_

"He has no reason to be jealous of Takeru. I've known him since we were children. He's…" she stumbled momentarily as she tried to find the perfect word. But she couldn't. "Takeru understands me. I don't have to think when I am with him because he knows." _He knows me_. "It's not fair! Why aren't I allowed to have friends of my own? Yamato lets you be best friends with Taichi, and he's perfectly fine when it's just the two of you. Why can't Tatsuya understand?"

Sora wrapped both arms around herself. She frowned, appearing deep in thought. "It's in our nature, I think," she finally answered, "to get jealous. I know a lot of people who get jealous. Even Yamato… he's a wonderful person. Though I know he trusts me when I'm with Taichi, once in a while," Hikari watched her eyes flicker sadly. "I'd catch a flash of something. It's very quick, and he masks it well. But I still see it."

 _Darkness. She would see glimpses as well – glimpses of his heart that he kept well-hidden._ "But Yamato does not hate Taichi."

Sora smiled at Hikari while reaching for her hand once more. "No, Yamato does not hate him. I asked him once, if my spending time with Taichi bothered him. He assured me it didn't. And I believe him. It happens rarely now, since our talk. Maybe Yamato feels less of it, I'm not sure. My point is… I just wanted you to know, Hikari, even the best of them fall victim to it."

She glanced at the door – the door separating them from him. She tried to put herself in Yamato's (or Tatsuya's) shoes. She imagined sharing Takeru with another girl, seeing him care deeply for someone other than her.

 _She did not like jealousy, how it grew around one's heart like a weed._

"You really don't have to do this. I can walk home on my own."

Yamato smiled while grabbing his coat from the rack by the door. "I know you're more than capable, Hikari, believe me. But the older brother in me refuses to let Taichi's little sister walk home, alone, in the dark. While he would obviously kill me for doing so, I'd probably be just as disappointed in myself. Besides," he added in a much softer, gentler tone. "I owe you for being there for Takeru."

Though she was mostly uncomfortable in Yamato's presence, she knew without a doubt that both he and she cared deeply for the same person. That, in itself, reassured her.

Sora leaned against the doorframe, a cup of tea in hand. "If you need anything, just tell me," she offered, no, promised her.

Hikari nodded and thanked the older girl for their talk.

After shrugging on his coat, he leaned down and softly kissed his girlfriend's cheek while fingering a lock of her hair. "Just so you know," Hikari heard him whisper, "I trust you when you're with him, when you're not. I trust you every time."

She quickly turned around in embarrassment, for witnessing such a private moment between them. She kept her gaze on her shoes and waited patiently until Yamato walked ahead of her.

"Shall we?"

He was standing a few meters from her, bathed in the darkness of the evening. She wasn't scared though. She could feel warmth radiating from his heart.

 _Thank you, Yamato, for helping me understand._

She smiled earnestly at him. "Let's."

* * *

"So tell me… why are you here, Hikari? Why did you come back? Is it for your brother? Taichi?"

 _Yes._

"Or maybe Takeru? He's very worried about you too, am I right?"

 _Yes, he is._

"Or maybe because your parents asked you to?"

Willing the fluttering in her heart to stop, she closed her eyes and swallowed. As she slowly lifted her eyelids, she focused on and saw what was reflected in her therapist's cool gray eyes.

There was no brother, no best friend nor other friends, no mother, no father.

Only a frightened little girl with a tattered heart that needed help.

She took a deep breath.

"I am here for me."

* * *

A/N: Hikari in her raw and disjointed state is how I like her the most right now. Sorry if this was confusing. My head is all over the place. Speaking of that, Mimi's next.


	14. Be Yourself

A/N: I was almost resigned to shoving this in the backburner because of my work, but THE tripleTVo, my favorite Sorato author of all time, updated Under the Surface after five years. FIVE YEARS! I am unworthy of such blessings! T_T So here's Mimi.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine. Song of the same title is by Audioslave.

* * *

CHAPTER 14 – Be Yourself

 _And even when you've paid enough, been pulled apart or been held up,_  
 _With every single memory of the good or bad faces of luck,_  
 _Don't lose any sleep tonight,_  
 _I'm sure everything will end up alright._  
 _You may win or lose,_  
 _But to be yourself is all that you can do._

"Hello, Mimi! Come on in. Jyou is in the living room," greeted Jyou's mother at the door. She had taken an extended leave from work after the holidays to stay at home with him. Though Jyou's mental condition was improving, he still was not allowed to stay anywhere without supervision.

Mimi bowed and entered the apartment. Judging by the shoes by the door, only Jyou and his mother were home. She slipped her feet into a pair of house slippers and made her way to the living room. Her friend sat on the couch watching a soccer game.

"So you like soccer now?" she joked, eyes gleaming in mischief.

He smiled warmly and gestured for her to sit down next to him. "I'm still trying to make sense of it. Taichi's game is on Saturday and I really want to know what I'm cheering on about."

She stared at the grown men scrabbling for a small, white ball. Bits of grass and dirt flew everywhere, staining their clothes. Honestly, she wasn't a very big fan. She disliked the violence of tackling. Basketball was far more her speed. Or baseball.

"You do know the rules of soccer, right? You go to Taichi and Daisuke's games all the time."

The petite girl let out a chuckle, trying to disguise the wretchedness that she felt. She missed her friends, especially Miyako, Koushirou and Taichi. While she did watch every single soccer club game since they made the eliminations, she stayed at the cheer club's bench the whole time. She did not dare approach Taichi (and by extension, Sora and Yamato) lest he made a scene. She also shamefully avoided Koushirou and Miyako as much as she could.

"You should ask Sora," she muttered in reply. "She used to play with them. Koushirou and Yamato too. I think they are better teachers than me."

Jyou touched a finger on his chin and nodded thoughtfully. Offering her another smile, he pointed at the package she had placed on her lap. "What's that?" he asked her.

Her eyes traveled to the plastic container wrapped in a green patterned cloth. _Oh!_ Her eyes lit up in excitement. "It's a Spanish omelette I made. Do you want to try it?" Her mother bought her a cookbook years ago, but she was not interested at that time. It lay in her room forgotten underneath a pile of schoolbooks. Last month, while she was arranging her things, she saw it. Curiosity got the better of the young girl. She tried making some of the dishes, and was pleased to note how relaxed cooking made her feel. Her regular visits to Jyou gave her an excuse to practice this skill more. Her friend loved tasting her dishes.

"Of course I want to try it!" he answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He got two small plates and forks from the kitchen. Carefully, he divided the omelette into two and placed each half on one plate. He took a big bite and chewed. A slow smile spread across his face. "It's delicious, Mimi!"

"You always say that," she giggled, but she was entirely pleased with his reaction. "I'm glad you like it."

"I never realized you were a great cook. You should bring some of these to your school. I'm sure Taichi will be your number one fan."

Her smile wavered at his words. She tried to hide the wave of sadness coming over her, but Jyou caught on this time. He placed his plate and hers on the table, and reached for her hand.

"What's wrong, Mimi? You look upset."

She was horrible with hiding her feelings. Sora always said that to get to know her, all one had to do was look at her eyes – they conveyed everything. _She got so much abuse from the senior cheerleaders for it._ "I-I don't think anyone at school would care for my food," she admitted shamefully.

Jyou frowned at her answer. She then realized he still had no clue about what happened between her and the three other Chosen Children. Fear suddenly washed over her like icy water. _What if Jyou stopped being friends with her too after finding out what she did?_

"Hey," he whispered, trying to get her attention. Mimi peered at him through the strands of hair that fell over her face. His eyes were full or concern. It was just like him to get all bothered by her problems. Jyou was always like an older brother to her, hovering like an eagle ready to strike every time she rushed into something without thinking. When he started at UTokyo, his phone calls gradually became infrequent. It did not help that she got so busy herself.

"Tell me what's making you so sad. Was it something I said?"

Mimi shook her head morosely. Picking at her nails, she remembered the last time she saw the two boys. It was in this same apartment not too long ago. Koushirou barely acknowledged her before walking out on her. Taichi on the other hand… the taller boy did have a few words with her; they were biting, even… hateful.

"Koushirou and Miyako hate me," she confessed to him. The girl tried all her might to keep the tears from falling. "And I'm sure Taichi hates me too. I did something horrible, and they haven't spoken to me since."

"Is it your fault?" he asked gently. He looked mildly incredulous, like he thought she was exaggerating things.

She nodded.

"You should apologize if it's your fault," he replied to her reassuringly, patting her arm. "It's all right. Friends always forgive each other."

Her voice got caught in her throat. _How could she tell him? How could she tell Jyou how she betrayed them? She was dirt… no lower than dirt. She was scum. Nobody wanted anything to with her._

"That's the thing," she said in a tiny voice. Her lips wobbled as she tasted salt and bile. Her stomach twisted painfully as she recounted all the events that led to this. "I… I don't think we're friends anymore, Jyou. I think I ruined everything!"

She flew into his unready arms. The force of the movement caused him to sway in his place. He had to clutch at the armrest to steady both of them. Heaving big sighs, she allowed herself to cry freely on his shoulder while he patiently held her.

* * *

It was the day of the finals of the soccer high school division tournament. In a dramatic turn of events, Odaiba High stood facing the defending champion, Onarimon. It was a repeat of the thrilling game last year where Odaiba lost by one point.

A familiar voice called out to her from the bleachers. She looked up to see Jyou waving at her. Beside him sat Koushirou who quickly turned away as soon as he realized she was staring at him. He whispered something to his seatmate, Miyako, who laughed and yelled out Taichi's name while waving her arm frantically. Yamato was seated on Jyou's other side, with an arm around Sora. Behind them sat Takeru, Hikari, Daisuke and Ken. Iori was mysteriously absent.

Mimi gingerly walked to the first row of seats to meet Jyou. After checking to make sure that Koushirou was not watching, she leaned in as the older boy whispered to her, "I'm getting a soda with Kou. I'll meet you at the vending machine?"

 _It was sweet how he was doing this for her. Although she seriously doubted that his plan would work, she was more than willing to give it a try. She was so tired of pretending to be this person who was nothing like her. She wanted to be with her real friends – the people whom she knew and understood, the ones she truly cared for._

Mimi nodded in reply. The blue-haired boy returned to his row, and poked Koushirou's shoulder. A few seconds later, both of them, Sora and Yamato stood up and headed down the bleachers. Taking a deep breath to calm her jangling nerves, she sprinted toward the agreed upon meeting place. As the four teenagers approached her, she saw Koushirou's eyes narrow.

"Hi Mimi," Sora greeted her warmly. Yamato also gave her a small smile. _Good, at least two of her friends were still talking to her._

"Hi guys," she replied. Her eyes fell on the computer genius who was doing he best to avoid eye contact. The way his body would violently react at the mere sight of her broke her heart. It hurt how easily she ruined her friendship with him. She took a hesitant step toward Koushirou, and saw him visibly flinch. _No, she had to persevere. This might be her only chance._ "Um, Koushirou," she mumbled. _Oh gods, her heart was racing. She was terrified._ "Can I talk to you?"

"I thought you wanted me to leave you alone?" He sounded hurt and very angry. The guilt in her intensified. _This was her fault. She did this._

"I didn't mean it," she whispered. The feeling… was too much. Her heart felt so heavy and broken. It was worse than the ache her body felt after cheerleading practice (and Minami's abuse). That pain was temporary. But seeing how she made her friends suffer for being so selfish… it was the worst feeling in the world.

"I'm sorry!" she blurted out. The suddenness and loudness of her outburst caused Koushirou to jump in his place. Tears flowed down her face in little rivulets of water and salt. "I treated you horribly this whole year when all you wanted to do was help me. I was a terrible friend to you, and I'm so ashamed!" She could feel Sora's hand on her back, rubbing it from side to side to calm her. She choked back her sobs, balling her hands into tight fists.

"I don't deserve your friendship. Yours, or Miya's, or Taichi's. Maybe someday…" she hiccupped and her voice shook uncontrollably. "Someday… you can forgive me."

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Her hair stood up at the sound of her voice. Mimi turned to her left to see Minami and a few other senior cheerleaders glaring at her. A cold feeling came over her entire body. She quickly took a step back and bumped into Sora behind her. A million excuses came to mind, but she could only manage a stutter.

"Mi-Minami…"

"Is your brain defective?" she sneered at her. "Are you really that stupid? I thought you were done making friends with nerds?"

"Excuse me?" Sora's shocked tone pulled her out of the cold fear that had begun to paralyze her.

"Koushirou is my friend." Her voice came out weaker than she liked it to be. _She was so tired of hateful words, so done with the fighting. She just wanted to be herself, to be with her friends._ Steeling herself, she straightened her back and looked at her captain in the eye. "He has always been my friend even before I joined the cheer club. And there is nothing wrong with being a nerd. Koushirou is smart, and he saved the world dozens of times!"

The boy blushed heavily at her outburst. Mimi knew how he absolutely hated being in the center of attention. This must be terrible for him, especially since this was the second time this was happening.

Minami's mirthless laugh rang throughout the hallway. Without warning, she slapped Mimi across the face. Sora and Koushirou let out shocked gasps. Jyou and Yamato, who had been silent the whole time, looked furious.

"Are you okay?" Sora cried, running to her side.

Mimi ignored her. She stared at Minami defiantly, holding her left cheek. It felt like the wake up call she thought would never come. Minami did not scare her. Not anymore.

"Shut up, you little bitch!" the older girl screamed at her. "You are nothing! Nothing! Like the worthless little people you choose to be friends with!"

"Stop insulting my friends!" she cried.

That was more than enough to set her off. With a loud screech, Minami lunged at her, toppling them both to the ground. The next few seconds were a flurry of limbs, hair and outraged screams. Then out of nowhere, a pair of arms seized Minami and wrenched her off the smaller girl. Mimi sat up, confused.

"Do not touch her again!"

"Y-Yagami!" Minami stammered, immediately plastering a fake smile on her face. She desperately wiped her dirtied face and tried to smoothen her creased up uniform.

The soccer captain continued to glower at her as she mumbled incoherent excuses for her violent actions. An impatient hand interrupted her and pointed toward the end of the hallway.

"Get out," he fumed in a tone that terrified Mimi. "And don't even think of hurting her again."

"Taichi!" she cried, alarmed. She grabbed his arm to keep him from charging at the cheerleader. The senior members of the club scampered back to soccer pitch, leaving Mimi with her friends. She stood stock still beside him, both their chests heaving from exertion. Realizing that she was still touching his bare arm, she quickly let go and took a step back.

"We should go have that checked out," a low voice sounded from behind Koushirou.

Her eyes fell on Jyou and his look of concern. Her left cheek started to burn again. With the fight and all, she had forgotten all about the slap.

The eldest of their group gently took her arm and guided her toward the direction of the exit. Her gaze shifted from the back of his head to Koushirou who was still standing next to Yamato with wide eyes. "Wait Jyou, I need to speak with Koushirou," she whispered to him. She ran back to the group – to Koushirou.

"Koushirou I am so sorry about everything," she apologized. She threw her arms around him in a hug which earned a small gasp from the normally shy boy. When she released him, she realized he was smiling at her.

"Thanks for standing up for me," he whispered to her. "And I'm sorry too," he added.

Relieved, she nodded at him. As she turned to rejoin Jyou, her gaze collided with Taichi's. He was still rooted to the spot where he had stepped in front of her to shield her from Minami. Something in the strange expression his eyes reflected made her flush.

"Mimi?" Jyou gave her and Taichi a strange look. Shaking her head, she took her place beside Jyou. Together, they walked to the high school clinic. A huge smile formed on her lips. Her face was still smarting but she did not care. _It was over. It was finally over._

* * *

The game started very soon after. Taichi looked like an entirely different person with his face scrunched intensely. She and Jyou made it back to the soccer game halfway through. The score was tied 1-1 just like last year. She took the spot next to Sora while Jyou sat beside her. They shared an amused glance as the couple beside them groaned in unison at an Odaiba fumble.

"So tell me again how the rules go."

Mimi giggled. She narrated a quick summary of the rules punctuated by occasional yelling (from Daisuke and Ken), cheering and fist pumps (Sora and Yamato), and lots of corrections (Koushirou), while her eyes remained on Taichi's movements across the field. He zigzagged through the defenders like a metal ball homed to a large magnet – the goal on the opposite end. A powerful kick at the net earned their team's second goal to the delight of their side of the field. Their group jumped up to their feet as they celebrated.

The rest was a blur. Onarimon scored with five minutes to spare. It was a tied game. If neither team scored, they would be forced into a sudden death.

Her heart pounded as Odaiba's goalie kicked the ball in. The players quickly scrambled after it. Onarimon got to it first. A collective groan sounded from her friends as Onarimon's striker sped for the goal. He extended his leg for a pass but… her classmate, Kaito intercepted it! He deftly shot the ball to Takuya who dashed toward the opposite side of the pitch. Spotting Taichi just beyond the halfway line, he passed to him. There was no hesitation in the captain's movements. He charged at the goal at full speed.

 _Two minutes…_

Mimi held her breath as he avoided two defenders. He passed to another teammate who attempted to outmaneuver his guards. Somewhat failing as their movements were just as quick as his, he returned the ball to Taichi with less than a minute to spare.

He didn't need that much time. He extended his right leg almost immediately after catching the ball. The goalie did not expect it. The ball sailed just out of his reach and into the corner of the net.

The roar of the crowd was deafening. Mimi felt a tug of her arms as Sora, maybe Jyou led her down the stands and onto the field to congratulate Taichi. The players lined up to shake each other's hands. As the students of both schools descended into the field, she lost sight of him. A sudden push slammed her into another student.

"Sora? Jyou?" They were gone. All she could see was a sea of people. Jubilant cries came from somewhere in front of her. Standing on the tips of her toes, she strained to catch a glimpse of one of her friends.

A heavy arm almost knocked her off her feet. Whirling around, she almost came face-to-face with Taichi. His brown eyes were shining in happiness as he pulled her to him. She opened her mouth to congratulate him, but his lips on hers silenced her. A warm tingly feeling spread from the point of contact, to her chest where her heart was doing somersaults, then to her stomach, blooming deliciously into a million butterflies. And then it was over. Her face was ablaze as he pulled away. Suddenly, a horde of his teammates swept him up to carry him on their shoulders while yelling his name. Taichi's laugh mingled with their loud cheers as they carried him all the way to the locker room.

Her whole body was shaking, her knees threatening to give out. She brought her hand to her lips in wonder. They were still warm from his kiss.

* * *

"Ka-ra-o-ke!" Miyako exulted and Daisuke joined in her cheering. Taichi had asked them what they wanted to do in celebration of Odaiba's win – his treat! He visibly paled at their suggestion, though, and tried to back away slowly. Sharing a quick look with his girlfriend, Yamato quickly seized one arm while Sora held onto the other. With matching mischievous grins, they dragged their not-so-fearless leader to the nearby karaoke bar despite his violent protests.

The room they were assigned to was bright pink to the joy of the girls. Three couches lined each of the walls. In front were a large screen and a mini-stage. Spotlights were suspended from the ceiling all pointing at the stage.

Miyako gamely stepped up first, of course. Karaoke was her suggestion after all. She glanced shyly at Mimi in silent invitation. The older girl beamed and reached for the microphone her newly-reunited friend held out. Together, the pair sang an uptempo pop ditty that had Yamato immediately rolling his eyes. An idea popped into her head. Holding up her left hand in a 'come hither' gesture, she cheekily danced in the direction of the blond musician and handed him the mic.

"Oh no…" he groaned, but he was smiling. Sora let out a delighted laugh from beside him. As he was pushed to the front, he slowly shook his head and took his place beside Miyako. His voice filled the small room as he awkwardly attempted to sing while matching the speedy tempo.

Pleased with herself, Mimi sat down next to Sora and leaned against her. The redhead was bouncing in her seat to the rhythm of the song. A tap on her shoulder caused her to turn to her left. Taichi grinned back at her.

"Can I borrow you for a second?"

She nodded, allowing him to lead her out of the karaoke booth and into the hallway. She laced her fingers together as she tried hard not to look straight into his eyes. Without the distraction of her other friends, she was worried she might say things that she'd regret. Or worse, do things.

His hand reached up to scratch the back of his head while chuckling nervously. "You want something? A drink?" he asked her.

She blushed. Seeing the older boy so nervous made her relax a bit. "Maybe later," she replied with a smile. It was so strange fumbling for words in front him again. Discounting their verbal tussle at the Kido residence, it had been so long since the last time they actually talked. _It might have been that afternoon back in July when he tried to kiss her…_

"T-thanks for saving me," she stammered, her face quickly heating up at the distant memory. "I think Minami was ready to kill me." Her voice appeared casual but she was everything but. Recalling the fight and Minami's outraged face still frightened her.

He scoffed, also avoiding her eyes. "You didn't need saving, honestly. You looked like you were handling it well. I was impressed."

Her heart started to race again. Mimi remembered what kissing him earlier did to her. While her body was reduced to a jumble of nerves barely able to hold itself up, her mind was running a mile a minute. "T-thanks," she whispered. "I was a pretty horrible friend to Koushirou. It was only right that I defended him with Minami saying those awful things."

He took a cautious step forward – toward her. "Hey, you're not the only horrible friend here, you know. I was pretty nasty to you too. Sora and Yamato gave me a lot of shit for it, but still… I never really apologized to you." Taichi's confession brought a sincere smile to her face. A wave of emotion came over her. She wrapped her slender arms around his slouched body. The boy momentarily stiffened at her action before slowly relaxing.

His voice was soft and earnest, tinged with regret. "I'm so sorry I made you cry, Mimi," he mumbled into her hair. "I'm sorry about the stupid things I said at Jyou's apartment. I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to explain your side. I should've been a better friend, especially with Minami hurting you like that."

Mimi shook her head, burying her face into his shoulder. A mixture of soap and his perfume assailed her nostrils, making her dizzy. She tightened her hold on his back. "It's okay. I forgive you." Her reply was breathless.

"So can we be friends again?"

She could feel the beating of his heart through his chest. _It was so unfair._ His was steady and slow – the complete opposite of hers. She risked a glance at him, and found him smiling warmly at her. "Y-yes, we can," she stammered, flushing bright red.

His lips curled into a grin that made her heart skip a beat. He leaned in so that his mouth was inches from her ear. "Can we be more than friends?"

Mimi did not think it possible to be more elated than she already was. A sudden jolt of courage seized her, causing her to meet his mesmerizing gaze with a challenge. "And when you're done flirting, can you kiss me?"

His easy laughter rang in her ears. His left hand slid around her waist and pulled her toward him. Tipping her chin upward because he was oh so tall ( _and oh so cute_ ), he closed his eyes as well as the gap between them.

The sounds of the karaoke bar, the flashing lights, her friends, everything melted away. In her head, there was only his fingertips on her face, his heartbeat pounding against her own, his breath in her hair, and his soft mouth against hers.


	15. Away from the Sun

A/N: To anyone still reading this, I'm sorry. Jyou's story is too real right now, too painful. The only difference is my friend succeeded. Suicide sucks. I hate this stupid chapter.

Also, if you have or have had suicidal thoughts, PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER. And call a friend, a family member, someone. You are wanted and needed in this world.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine. Song is by 3 Doors Down.

* * *

CHAPTER 15 – Away from the Sun

 _It's down to this,_  
 _I've got to make this life make sense._  
 _Can anyone tell what I've done?_  
 _I miss the life,_  
 _I miss the colors of the world._  
 _Can anyone tell where I am?_

Deep blue eyes blinked once. Twice. Curiously, the small pile of boxed chocolates did not dissolve into nothingness. His pointer finger slowly extended from his loose fist and poked at the top box. It moved a fraction of a centimeter and remained balanced precariously on a stupidly pink box with an equally loud bow.

Mimi's, obviously. He got one from her every year even during her New York years – one of the many things he loved about her. But she wouldn't give him several boxes now, especially after Taichi. Sora, then? Maybe. She was caring like that, and Yamato would certainly not mind. He did try to kill himself.

His stomach recoiled at the abrupt dark turn in his thoughts. _God Jyou, get a grip._

"I heard that if you stare hard at the box, you can almost taste the chocolate inside."

Jyou grimaced at his elder brother's teasing tone. His mother let out a giggle while lightly swatting Shin's arm in mild reprimand.

"You're not getting any by teasing him, Shuu."

Shin. Always taking his side. Jyou's tongue managed to uncoil itself. "Shin is right. Maybe I shouldn't share with you. It's not like Jun's giving you any this year."

The middle brother blanched at the thought of his ex-stalker, and swiftly retreated into the kitchen. The rest of the family burst out laughing at his expense. Happy memories started to flood Jyou, momentarily filling his heart with warmth.

 _You can fight it. I believe in you. We all do._

He picked up the top box, opened the heart-shaped card attached to it. Hikari. The pink box was Mimi's as he predicted. Each card had a different name printed on it: Sora, Shizuru, Hatomi, Ayame. Miyako's was the base of the mini-pyramid because it was the biggest. Also, her sisters' names were scribbled beneath hers.

He blinked a few more times, his vision becoming blurrier with each subsequent blink. This wasn't supposed to happen. He should have died that summer when he swallowed those pills. Nobody would miss him, they said. The voices promised…

The bile rose up his throat, choking him. He tried to desperately swallow back a sob.

"Jyou?"

His mother laid a hand on his shoulder – soft and warm. The gentle squeeze that followed snapped him out of his daze. Rearranging his lips into a wobbly smile, he reached for Mimi's box because he was sure it would taste the best.

Fumbling with the ribbon with a bit of trouble, he sighed and swiped at the water that threatened to run down his face. It took a few deep breaths before he regained his composure. When he dared lift his eyes, his mother and brother mirrored worried looks.

"Are you okay?"

He heard that question so many times, but he really could not blame them. They needed to know. Hell, **he** needed to know too. It had been six months since his suicide attempt – the one wherein he almost succeeded. The scars on his wrists had blended into the pale color of his skin, leaving just a faint reminder for his failed misdeeds. All of his blood results had returned to normal ages ago. Since his last visit with the psychiatrist, he had been on the lowest dose for his anti-psychotics.

" _But remember, Jyou, only you can say you are okay. Not your doctors. Not your lab tests. Only you."_

" _But when will I stop hating myself, Mori-san? I'm trying so hard, but when I see the sad faces of my parents… my friends…"_

" _There is no time limit, I'm afraid. The healing only goes as fast as it is meant to go. We must be patient. But you're not alone. We are all here to help you."_

" _I just don't want to let everyone down…"_

" _Stop putting the blame on yourself. This blame, this burden that you impose on yourself… it is a crack. Each instance that you blame yourself, the crack grows. When it widens, the darkness seeps through. You must plug the crack before that happens. Don't let it win."_

 _You're right._ _ **I**_ _will win._

" _Remember Jyou, you have people who love you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."_

 _I will win._

 _Because you all love me,_

Jyou released a deep sigh, and tried untying the ribbon again. This time, there was little resistance.

 _I'm not okay,_

 _but I will be._

* * *

A pair of dark brown eyes and a mildly confused look greeted him at the Tachikawa doorway. Matching eyebrows raised momentarily before lowering in delayed recognition. The easy smile soon followed.

"Hey Jyou. Do you want some chocolate?"

It was then that he realized that the person at the doorway was holding a box similar to the one he had gotten earlier. The sweet smell of milk chocolate assailed his nostrils, making his mouth water.

"N-no thanks. What are you doing here? Oh wait, of course you'd be here since it's Valentine's. H-ha hah," he stammered while scratching the back of his head, inwardly wincing at his silliness. Geez, could he be any more awkward?

He was kind of hoping only Mimi would be home. He needed a distraction. Or maybe someone to talk to. But this was the new norm now. With Mimi came Taichi, and well, Taichi was a good friend too… he wasn't exactly as sensitive as Yamato but…

"Who's at the door?" Mimi's voice floated from somewhere inside the apartment.

"It's Jyou. Ooh sorry, I'm an idiot! Come on in." Taichi moved to the side to give him space. Their shoulders touched briefly as the older teen darted inside. He made his way to the kitchen with the soccer player close behind him.

He froze midway, whirling to face the brunette. Taichi raised his eyebrows. Again.

"Something wrong?"

"I know I'm not nearly half as strong as you," he blurted out, eyeing his junior warily. "And I know one punch is all you need to send me to the hospital, but you don't scare me at all. Mimi is one of the best people in the world, and you better remember that."

Both eyebrows disappeared into the brown mass of his hair. Taichi's mouth dropped open in shock.

"Don't even consider hurting her, or you'll regret it."

With his message made loud and clear, Jyou practically flew into the kitchen where he found his pink-clad friend pulling something that smelled delicious out of the oven.

"You're just in time," she greeted him with a huge smile. "I made cookies. It's one of my new recipes so it's still not perfect."

"I'm up for a taste test," he volunteered automatically, earning another one of her smiles. He sat at the table and waited for her to give him a newly-baked cookie.

"Where's Taichi?"

"Uhhh…" his dark eyes darted toward the direction of the hallway. No brown mass of hair. No bushy eyebrows. No easy smile.

"Taichi?"

"Right here," came a strangled reply. Taichi's red face peered into the kitchen. With the two boys' eyes colliding, the athlete burst into sudden laughter, causing Jyou's face to flush scarlet.

"What's so funny?!" Mimi demanded, waving a spatula in Taichi's direction.

"N-nothing…" he wheezed in between guffaws.

"Then why are you laughing?"

"I'm just really happy 'coz Jyou's here," he answered, throwing Jyou a cheeky grin. The blush deepened.

 _Wait… he was laughing at him – at his carefully crafted threat! Did he just make a complete fool of himself? With Taichi? Dammit, he was being serious!_

"So, Mi…" Taichi mumbled, sidling next to her with that infuriating smile still plastered on his face. "What's this thing I heard about cookies?"

Giggles erupted from her as the brunette darted forward to steal a kiss.

"Ugh, you two are disgusting!"

"Fuuny, Yamato said the same thing," Taichi shot back, his arms firmly wrapped around his girlfriend's waist. "No wonder you're such good friends, being wet blankets and all."

"You're friends with him too – best friends, actually," Mimi pointed out with a vague wave of her half-eaten cookie.

 _Which tasted delicious as all of Mimi's dishes._

"That's because I'm the fun, cool friend he needs to balance all that sourness," he replied with a boyish wink. "I'm telling you, he acts like an old man most of the time. His dad is more fun than him."

"That's not very nice, Taichi…"

"Meh, he doesn't mind," he shrugged before tearing into his third cookie. The pile Mimi made was already fast disappearing.

"You should have more, Jyou," the boy grinned at him through the crumbs. "These are amazing!"

Mimi practically vibrated from his praise. To be honest, Jyou had never seen her so… bright. She had been like that since after the big soccer game where Taichi had apparently stolen a kiss from her. He clearly remembered them being at each other's throats at Tonosama Gekomon's palace in the Digital World years. Then when he saw her pink hair after she returned from New York the first time. Oh how the times had changed.

Mimi was back in Odaiba.

Yamato and Sora were going to Todai.

Hikari and Takeru were starting high school.

Koushirou found girls cute.

And Taichi- Taichi laughed at something Mimi said before wolfing down quite possibly his tenth cookie. He was dating one of Jyou's best friends.

And where did that leave him? Poor, sick and sad… His depression changed him, yes. And while he was doing his damned best to fight back…

 _God knows he was fighting hard._

He wasn't really sure if it was working.

* * *

Soft supple leather. Brown, like the color of his shoes, scuffed and well-worn. He fingered the smooth texture with his trembling fingers.

He had no idea how this belt found its way into his hands. Belts were banned from his room along with scissors and letter-openers – simple everyday objects that weren't as innocuous to suicidal people like himself. _He was still considered suicidal, right?_

Despite it being six months ago?

He wrapped it carefully around his waist, stilling for a second, waiting. His reflection in front of him stared back, wide-eyed and innocent. The belt remained on his waist, hanging loosely, far from his thin neck, far from metal hook on the back of his door that had been removed by his father.

Wary eyes watched the buckle slide across his abdomen as he pulled tighter. Tighter.

Trying not to remember how the leather felt around his neck, taut and unyielding, of how feeling breathless and lightheaded put him at peace, and of how dying felt so…

So right.

But there was none of that.

So he slid the belt into its rightful place, a brief sigh of relief escaping his pressed lips.

* * *

Jyou's face was still hurting from laughing so much. While Yamato and Sora reasonably skipped dinner with the other Chosen in favor of spending the 15th as a couple, the other six, including Mimi and Taichi, squeezed into a corner booth at a fast food joint in Shinjuku (the very same one where they carelessly spent their train money after getting back from the Digital World the first time). What should have been a short dinner extended well into the night. After they were kicked out, the group wandered into a small café that served average coffee, according to Takeru; but at least the long table near the window was empty.

It was two in the morning when he stumbled into his dark apartment. Noting four pairs of house slippers near the welcome mat, he frowned to himself as he flipped on the light switch to the hallway. A note on the counter answered his unasked question: "Got a call from the hospital. I'll be back in a few hours. Please have someone stay with you until then. –Shin."

His parents were in Kyoto, visiting Shuu. He was alone.

 _I should call someone, even if it's just for a few hours…_

 _Of course,_ the hand holding his phone slid back into his pocket, _Shin will be back soon, and I'm getting better. Nothing's going to happen to me._

Humming softly, the teen poured himself a glass of water for his meds. Although he should have drank them hours ago, he felt a little bit uncomfortable doing it in front of all his friends. The atmosphere at the café was so cheery, he didn't feel like dampening it by reminding everyone of his illness.

Shrugging as if the action could dispel his gloomy thoughts, Jyou headed for his room at the end of hallway. His light footsteps padded against the carpeted floor. The door seemed to move further away from him as he walked, the hallway stretching into an impossibly long one. Slipping his glasses off his nose, he wiped the lenses and put them on. A menacing-looking shadow that loomed in front of him morphed into the benign shape of the indoor plant outside his room.

 _Blink_. _Keep walking Jyou_. _Relax_.

It seemed like hours before he regained the strength to move his limbs. He crept into his room filled with even more shadows. After fumbling with the switch, a blinding light illuminated the space, chasing away the darkness.

There were no nightmares when he closed his eyes, just visions of his friends and family, their loud laughter blending into one sound; of them being bright and happy, and he, among them a gray cloud, unsure if he belonged. And how could he when-

A soft sob escaped. And it was then that he realized he was shaking, yet, not really crying.

He came to a start, blinking at his brother in front of him, the image sharp, because he fell asleep with his glasses on.

"Sorry. I-I had to make sure," Shin said, mildly embarrassed. "Your doctor said to check when you're…"

"It's fine," Jyou interrupted him, shaking away the remnants of sleep. "Did you just get back? What time is it?"

"Three. How was your little reunion? Must have been quite the party if you're not home by midnight. "

Jyou felt his cheeks heat up. "It was fun, yeah," he stammered a bit, earning a smile from his elder brother.

"Hey, I'm not scolding you. Nothing wrong with having fun."

Jyou hummed with agreement, moving a bit to the side so his brother could sit next to him.

"Everything alright? Why is your face soaked?"

"Huh?" His hand automatically reached for his face only to find it slick from sweat and tears. "I… I…"

"Nightmares?"

A lump formed in his throat as he tried to answer, "No." It was the right answer. There were no nightmares, just… disappointment.

"It's okay." Shin's sympathetic smile seemed to shift behind the veil of tears that started to reform. The hand that landed on Jyou's shoulder was unusually cold and firm, but not exactly unwelcome. "It's perfectly normal."

"To be sick in the head?" The frosty tone of his own voice surprised him, but he could not ignore the frustration that had been slowly building up. "I hate it, Shin," he hissed, relishing in small relief his confession gave him. "Hikari is one month into therapy and she's doing great. Yamato has too and he's doing good too. So good that's he's decided to go to Todai for Uni. Why is it just me who is still sick?"

His parents, his brothers, his friends… they had been nothing but supportive throughout this whole ordeal. He owed them, and Mori-san, and the medical staff, every single person who took care of him he owed his life. The least he could do was repay them.

"By trying to get better?" Shin asked him, completing his thought. "It's not enough though, is it? What good is trying if there are no results to show for it?"

The ready agreement unnerved him, and suddenly, Jyou was doubting his own thoughts. " Well y-yes, but…" Jyou's uneasy gaze dropped to his two hands clenched together atop his lap. "It's only been less than a year. Dr. Mori said each patient's recovery was unique."

"Does that make yours _uniquely_ slow then?"

The lilt of derision stung, cut deep, but worse was the sliver of truth behind it.

Slow. The word annoyed him. It was how the cram school instructor described his progress compared to his peers, and his anatomy and biochemistry professors too.

A pale comparison to his genius older brother. Too bad he quit. Shuu would have made the better doctor – a genius among a family of geniuses.

And Shin, god. How could he forget the eldest and the smartest? The golden child of the Kidos who was sitting beside him on his bed, cold hand tightly gripping his shoulder. Shin, and his dark eyes holding his own in a steady gaze that seemed to tighten the vice that was squeezing his throat shut.

"I'm not like you," he managed to choke out.

"You don't need to be," he answered soothingly, his eyes not wavering in the slightest. "You're fine just as you are."

"Broken?"

Shin grinned and nodded…

And handed him a plastic bottle.

Its contents rattled while Jyou turned the plastic container round and round with his fingers, only stopping to see the label facing him.

"Clozapine," it read.

Jyou unscrewed the lid and shook the pills onto his palm. One. Two. Three… he muttered with each one until he counted eight. Oh right. He was due for a refill two weeks ago.

"You didn't renew your prescription, Jyou. Why did you do that?"

The statement should've sounded accusatory, but there was a strange sort of gleefulness in the way Shin said it.

"I felt like..." Jyou closed his eyes and tried to remember why he missed his dose that day. And the day before that. And the other day before that.

One.

Two.

Three.

 _You didn't need it._

"No. No, I didn't."

The ringing in his ears steadily grew louder. It was only then when he realized it was his phone. Placing the empty bottle carefully on the bedside table, Jyou pulled out his phone with his free hand and saw Mimi's name flashing on the screen.

 _You don't need it._

"Jyou? Are you there? Please answer me!"

 _Look at me._

With Shin's command, Jyou's gaze left his phone, left Mimi, to focus on his brother, his perfect, golden brother.

 _You don't need it. You don't need them._

Shin's nails dug into his shoulder just as the darkness rushed from his eyes to surround him. Mimi's frantic voice drowned in the cold, eerie loudness of absolute silence.

 _Say it,_ Shin commanded as the blackness flowed out of his sneering mouth into Jyou's. The painful squeezing of his chest, the hot tears that poured from his eyes, the stench of despair reaching his nostrils, they made him sick to his stomach.

"I…"

 _They don't need you. You are flawed, sick. You are a failure._

"I…"

 _Only I appreciate your brokenness._

"Yes-"

 _Stop fighting me, Jyou. You know I am right._

Resigned, he looked at his palm, at the eight little tablets that promised to give him health. They failed too, like him. But maybe… maybe they were not completely useless though. Maybe, if he swallowed just enough, all his problems would finally disappear.

 _Say it, brother. Say it._

"Say what?"

 _That you don't need it._

"W-what? What don't I need? The Clozapine?"

 _Life,_ was the reply.

"Oh."

Not-Shin chuckled at his resignation, and pushed Jyou's hand to his face.

 _Say it, and drink this. All of it._

"Okay, I guess…" Jyou's voice wavered as he stared at the stark white pills on his hand. "I-is this…"

 _Hm?_

"Is this how I die?"

Another chuckle. The darkness of the room completely swallowed Shin, and his eyes glowed red. Long fingers crept from Jyou's shoulder to his chin and wrenched his jaw open. _Yes Jyou. This is how you say goodbye – alone. But don't worry. The hurting stops when you die._

The seconds seemed to stretch into eternity, but the darkness was too much to fight. He was tired. So very tired. So he closed his eyes and swallowed.

He allowed the darkness to engulf him. It did.

Then,

There was light.

* * *

"I don't think I have what it takes. I'm way too behind on my lessons."

The one beside huffed in mild annoyance. "You always say that, but you always prove yourself wrong."

"What the heck are you talking about? My grades are among the lowest in my class. Cram school isn't any better. They always seat me in the back. You know what that means? That I'm not good enough."

"Don't say that, Jyou." Bright green eyes stared him down. "Don't ever say you're not enough. You saved the world twice. Only you can do that."

Ashamed, he broke eye contact to look at the ground. "Maybe. But a lot of good that does for med school," he muttered sullenly.

His friend wisely shut up, and they both stayed that way for a while, chewing on their dango as they reflected on their thoughts.

"'I have so many things I need to do. I can't do it.' But there are things that only you can do."

The singing caught him off-guard. Surprised, Jyou turned to his companion, singing while still seemingly deep in thought.

"So you don't need to worry anymore. And it's not just me - you have lots of friends, right? Doesn't that always make you want to face things head on?"

Jyou stared at his friend as he warbled on. The melody sounded strange with his poor sense of pitch, not that it mattered. He always did have supreme confidence in almost everything that he did.

"But honestly, it's okay if you want to rest when things are tough. I hope you won't forget that you're not alone. Right? You'll be fine! Just remember,"

Gomamon grinned and turned to his partner.

"I'm always here with you, no matter what. I always believe in you."

* * *

Light. He felt it. His whole body felt like air. Warmth enveloped him from all sides, cradling him in inexplicable comfort. And when he opened his eyes, he saw the color of honey and milk.

And a bright white, hot and blinding.

This was heaven. He had done it.

"Jyou?! Oh god, you're awake! Taichi! Taichi!"

 _No. Wait._

The pain followed shortly. It was dull, grating. Jyou brought a hand to rub his eyes. The vague blobs of color slowly morphed into Mimi.

What the-? Mimi couldn't be in heaven. Mimi was very much alive.

A deep red took her place as the warmth intensified. Then, a sapphire blue. Little by little, more colors added to the picture – a brown, rich like chocolate, and dark but comforting black framed by burnt umber.

"This- this isn't heaven," he mumbled. His mouth felt like cotton, his limbs like jelly.

 _He failed. Again._

Mimi choked back a sob and buried her face in his neck.

Koushirou's face was ashen as he spoke. "Please," he pleaded in hushed urgency, "please don't joke like that, Jyou. We really thought you were…" he choked and lapsed into silence.

"How many were they?"

Jyou turned to the taller teen behind Koushirou before swallowing thickly. Yamato glared at an arbitrary spot on the floor.

"What?"

"The pills. Clozapine. How many were there in the bottle?"

"Eight." Jyou reached up to hug Mimi close to his body. She was shaking so violently that the whole room started to spin.

Sora fell to her knees as she grabbed at something on the floor, his meds, he assumed. His friends collectively released a sigh after she uttered the same number.

"I didn't drink them. I couldn't."

The girl in his arms sobbed harder and he noticed Taichi's arm moved in hesitation.

"Don't cry, Mimi. Please. I'm okay."

"No you're not!" she blubbered, tears streaming down her pale, pale cheeks. "Shin called me when I got home. He said he had to do something important and you're not supposed to be alone…"

"Shin? But he was…" his head suddenly felt very heavy. Jyou rubbed at his temples to try to relieve it but it only made the aching worse.

"Then I called your phone over and over, but you weren't picking up. So I called Koushirou. We ran as fast as we could, but when we got here you were on the floor."

"God Jyou. W-we thought…" the high school junior's voice shook as he tightened his fists. "We thought you were- that we were…"

The silence was thick as his best friend struggled to regain his composure.

"We thought we were too late," Sora continued in a tiny voice. She straightened up with the pills in her hands. She carefully slipped them all, one by one, through the opening of their container that she handed over to Yamato for safekeeping.

"Oh."

"You should get up," Taichi said after what seemed like eternity. "You look like you have a headache."

He did.

Taichi bent over to help Mimi first. Then, he hoisted Jyou onto the bed. He leaned heavily against Mimi's slight figure as the pain continued to bore a hole into his brain.

"I called Shin. He and your parents are on their way."

 _Shit_ , he had forgotten about Shin, about how the malicious figure took his brother's shape this time and goaded him into almost doing it. He stopped though, and just in the nick of time. He wasn't really sure why he did it, why he stopped.

Looking at his friends, he realized how he failed them yet again. They were all hoping he was better, and they really believed that he was. He let them all down with this. He felt horrible.

"I'm really sorry, guys."

"Sorry?! For what?" Mimi demanded as she clutched at his hands. The fire razed in her eyes and this surprised him. "For feeling terrible? For being sick? This isn't your fault!"

"I-"

"If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I should have gotten here sooner!"

Whispers of protests began to sound from the others with Taichi's voice ringing louder than the rest.

"Mi, you ran as fast as you could," Taichi countered.

"I DON'T CARE!" The brunette's mouth closed shut as Mimi dissolved into fresh tears. "I don't care! It's never fast enough if it won't save you!"

"It did though," he pointed out. "You did get here in time. There were eight pills left in the bottle, eight pills on the floor. I drank nothing!"

"But you almost did!" she sobbed, which caused the lump in his throat to return. "You took them out and you counted them and you had them in your hand."

"Why though? Why did you do it?"

The two girls gasped, while the other boys gaped dumbly at the youngest one in the room. Koushirou returned their look with his own, terrified that the words had escaped his lips. One of his fists uncurled as he pressed it against his mouth.

"S-sorry. Forget it," he mumbled.

"No. No, I can't forget it. You have point, Kou. I did it because I'm frustrated. I want to get better faster. I'm tired of being promised that things will improve, that I need to be patient. I hate this. I'm tired of waiting. I tried stopping meds for a week and I thought I was fine…"

"But you weren't."

Jyou regarded Yamato's empathic stare, and the former nodded.

"I felt alone with my struggle. You and Hikari are doing well while I…"

"Hikari is doing her best," Taichi quickly interrupted, "But that doesn't mean it's all smooth sailing. Facing her demons tires her out too. That's why I go with her to therapy on some days." Taichi glanced at his best friend, willing him to say more.

Yamato flushed and stared at his hands. "It's complicated for me too. I mean, there are a still those days when I don't want to get up at all."

"That's when he calls me," Taichi grinned and bumped his shoulder against Yamato's, earning him a tiny smile from the blond, "Or Sora, I guess. Or Takeru."

"Look around you," Mimi said, gesturing to the small circle around him – from Koushirou to Taichi to Sora and Yamato, then her, of course. "We're here now. We'll still be here in the future. We don't care how long it takes. You're never getting rid of us."

"Wh-what?"

"What she's trying to say is…" Sora's words died in her throat as she looked at her boyfriend, grasping for the right thing to say.

Yamato's hand reached for hers, and he mouthed something unintelligible.

She took a slow, deep breath and turned back to Jyou, "What Mimi means is that we're here because you are our friend. We will fight for you, with you. We won't ever give up on you. So please Jyou, please, hold on."

She knelt in front of him and took one of his hands, the one that had been holding the pills earlier. Sora laced her fingers in his in a tight knot. Then, a larger hand covered hers and his. And another. And another still. Finally, Koushirou's.

His eyes stared at the mass of arms and hands on his lap. Swallowing the growing lump in his throat, he nodded.

The pounding of his head finally ceased, and a few seconds later, so did the voices.

* * *

A/N: The song Gomamon sings in the "flashback/dream sequence" is his image song in Tri: "You Can," sung by Takeuchi Junko.


	16. Ten Storey Love Song

A/N: I think all my recent ANs have been apologies. It's been a rough couple of months and this was a b*tch to edit, but don't worry, we're nearing the end. I wrote this as a Taiorato chapter just to shake it up a bit. "To Sora" just came out 3 days ago (go watch it), and I totally did not mean for this chapter to be so... related, but here we are. J8919, I missed you! Jyou's story became personal for me last month. I wrote it to make sense of the hurt. Thanks.

Disclaimer: Digimon Adventure and its characters are not mine. Song at the beginning is "Ten Storey Love Song" by The Stone Roses.

* * *

CHAPTER 16 – Ten Storey Love Song

When you're so much in love,  
You don't know just how much you can stand,  
When your questions go unanswered,  
And the silence is killing you,

Take my hand baby I'm your man,  
I got love maybe enough for two.

Slender fingers traced the bold text on the white envelope: University of Tokyo College of Arts and Sciences. It came early this year (Jyou had been telling her how he received his at the end of the month). It was thin. _Was that a bad sign?_

A loud series of beeps filled the silence of the room. Sora quickly set the letter aside to check her phone. Her boyfriend's name flashed on the screen. 'Did you get it?' his message read. Typing a brief reply, Sora returned her attention to the source of her anxiety. The envelope lay on her bedspread, stark against the yellow floral pattern.

 _Just open it, Sora. It's not like you can do anything to change it._

She sighed. Her phone beeped again. 'Do you want to open it together?' he asked her. She hesitated before typing three letters. Letting out a breath, Sora left her room to head to the kitchen to prepare some tea. Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang.

A tall figure was leaning casually against the doorframe, head angled toward her like it usually would as she was more than a foot shorter. He raised his hand in greeting, the corner of his mouth mirroring the movement.

A lot of her classmates found her boyfriend good-looking and rarely kept it as a secret from her. She couldn't really blame them. Yamato was stupidly attractive. She'd busy herself with useless things just to stop staring at those impossibly blue eyes – homework, pouring tea, smoothing invisible wrinkles on her skirt. She swore that whenever he smiled, they got even bluer.

"Hey."

Sora smiled in reply. It was halfhearted, and she was sure he caught that. "I'm being ridiculous, aren't I? I can't even open a stupid envelope!"

The boy's face softened. "C'mere," he said and she immediately complied. His fingers danced along her jawline and settled beneath her chin, tilting it upward.

Her eyes automatically fluttered shut. "Why don't you come inside first?" she murmured. She could feel his breath on her face.

"Sh… later," he whispered.

"But the neighbors…"

A finger on her lips effectively silenced her. His warm mouth pressed against hers in a gentle kiss. She relaxed against him, hands curling around his neck for support.

He pulled away slowly, but placed his forehead against hers. He finally smiled at her with those beautiful eyes of his. "What were you saying?"

Sora's head was not done spinning. She tried to find the right words to express her jumbled thoughts. "I-inside? Um… do you want to..?"

"You're cute when you're flustered."

She blushed a deep red. "You caught me off-guard."

The corner of his mouth quirked in response. To spare her pride, he stepped aside the slightest to give enough room for her to dart past him and into the apartment. He followed closely behind.

"Do you want anything?" the redhead called over her shoulder as she padded into the kitchen. "Water? Tea?"

"Tea is fine."

She filled a teacup with green tea and placed it on the table in front of him. He gave her a grateful smile as he took a sip. Her heart hammered as she noticed an envelope on the table identical to hers. His, however, was sent by the UTokyo Faculty of Engineering.

Sora caught him eyeing her carefully. His smile was replaced by a smirk that she knew was directed at her. "Where's yours?" he inquired.

The teasing note in his voice annoyed her slightly. It was just like Yamato to tease her at such a time. Both her best friends did it, and it always drove her mad. She made a mental note to berate him after their ordeal was over. "It's in my room," she hissed through gritted teeth. "Shall I get it? Or will you?"

His cheeks flushed dark pink at her suggestion, his composure completely evaporating into embarrassment. "You want me to go in your room?!" he asked incredulously.

Realizing that she essentially gave her boyfriend permission to enter her bedroom when nobody else was home, her face blushed to match his color. Ever the gentleman, Yamato never dared to even suggest it. They always did schoolwork in the living room or on the dining table. She did go into his room a few times, but only when there were other people around. It was the only space in his apartment that was always clean.

But Sora could be stubborn if she wanted to. Her pride was already wounded when he teased her about her fear of reading her letter. No way was she backing down. Her face still blushing, she puffed her cheeks and nodded at him.

"O-okay, I'll go," he stammered. "Where is it?"

"On my bed."

He ambled over to her room, leaving her alone in the kitchen. She curiously examined his envelope. It was a little thicker than hers… and heavier. _Oh no! That definitely meant hers was a letter of rejection._

"Hey, give that back," he joked when he returned, snatching the envelope from her grasp. A pout formed on her lips as he placed her own envelope in her now empty hands. He took a deep breath before taking the seat next to hers. "Okay, let's get this over with."

Together, they tore through the paper. She slid her finger under the flap to pull out the folded sheets inside. Starting with the topmost one, she read. Her stomach began to flip-flop. Not quite trusting her senses, she read again.

"Yama!"

He turned to look at her, alarmed. Then his expression changed. With a shout, he pulled her onto his lap and buried his face in her hair.

Her chest was heaving. Taking big gulps of air, Sora again stared at the letter. Her mouth stumbled over the words as she read them aloud for Yamato to hear. "I got in," she gasped, causing him to tighten his arms around her. She couldn't believe it. After working so hard, things were happening. Everything felt so surreal.

"Wait!" she exclaimed, suddenly remembering that he opened his letter too. "What did yours say?"

His body shook as he handed her his letter. Her brows furrowed as she read the first few lines of text.

"We both got in, Sora. We're going to Todai."

* * *

"I thought you wanted to go to design school?"

Sora turned toward the brunette sitting beside her. He was still watching the television intently. On his lap was her acceptance letter to Todai that she and Yamato opened earlier that day. She called him over as soon as her boyfriend left to tell him the good news. Oddly, Taichi's reaction was not as enthusiastic as the blond. "I need to take care of the school when Mama becomes too old," she explained quietly. "I won't have time to do both."

Taichi's eyes finally left the TV program as they settled on her face. The intensity of his gaze made her shiver. "But it's not what you want."

She sighed and looked down at her hands. "It's not that I don't want to take over my mother's duties. I do. I want to contribute to my family's wellbeing. This is my responsibility."

"Sora…" His tone made her look back at him – at his warm brown eyes. "You have the freedom to live your own life. What are you so afraid of?"

 _What was she afraid of? Disappointment? Rejection? Or… regret?_

* * *

Sora let out an irritated sigh as she glanced at her watch for the umpteenth time. Her best friend was late, as usual, and she was over his tardiness. Their train was leaving in 10 minutes, but Taichi was nowhere in sight. Sighing again, she turned to her boyfriend, who was thankfully more punctual. His eyes were half-closed in concentration as he listened to the music streaming from his headphones. It almost made her guilty for disturbing his moment of peace. Almost.

She tugged at his sleeve, causing him to immediately straighten up with a concerned look on his face. "Is he here?" he asked as he wrapped the headphones around his neck.

The look on her face was enough of an answer. He quickly pulled out his phone and punched in a number both of them knew by heart. He waited for a few seconds before scowling.

"Let me guess, he's not answering?"

"I'll kill him."

Readily agreeing with his threat, Sora checked the time again. Seven minutes. _God, if Taichi missed the train, she would have to go with Yamato alone. That just wouldn't do._ Half of the reason they planned this trip in the first place was to explore Kyodai, Taichi's university. "Shall we plan his murder?" she asked with a wry grin.

They waited four more minutes before finally hearing a familiar voice calling to them. _Finally._ Together, the three friends boarded the Shinkansen bound for Kyoto. Finding their seats proved to be difficult with an over-excited Taichi and a very sulky Yamato. After much bickering, they settled into their respective spots; she made sure she sat between the two boys in case they started arguing again.

Yamato instantly put on his headphones and leaned his head against the window, tuning them out. Sora giggled and turned her attention to her other companion. "Now you've done it. He was in a pretty good mood before you came."

Taichi rolled his eyes at the blond. "If he's going to be like this the rest of the trip, he's sleeping in your room."

Sora flushed at his hopefully empty threat. "Are you crazy? Do you want my father to kill us?!" she hissed, punching him in the arm.

Her violence earned her a laugh. He playfully waggled his eyebrows at her. "I know the real reason I'm here, Sora, is to be your chaperone. I will defend your honor, I swear on my life, but _only_ ," and he cuts off abruptly just to put more emphasis on his next few words, "If really you want me to because, really, there's nothing wrong in wanting Yamato- _kun_. Everyone wants him!"

She quickly hit him again, harder this time, causing the boy to yelp in surprise. "Shut. Up. Ya. Ga. Mi!" she huffed as she punctuated each syllable with a punch.

"Yamaaaaaa, she's abusing me!" Taichi whined while flailing his arms to catch the taller boy's attention. If Yamato heard him, he was doing very well pretending he didn't. His attention remained on the passing scenery outside the window.

"At least tell me you brought snacks!" Taichi managed to gasp in between her attacks.

Sora exhaled noisily through flared nostrils. Feeding Taichi entailed buying a lot of food. While she did buy several snacks while waiting for both of her friends at the station, she wasn't really sure if they were nearly enough to satisfy his appetite.

"I made bento," Yamato's voice unexpectedly piped up from his side, confirming that, indeed, he was only pretending to ignore his squabbling friends. He dug into the large paper bag he brought with him, producing three boxes neatly tied up in a dark blue patterned cloth.

"Yesssss!" Taichi grabbed his and promptly started shoving food into his mouth.

Sora giggled as her boyfriend's face twisted into a look of disgust. She took her own box from his outstretched hands. "Thank you." She beamed at him causing him to lightly blush. "Do you want some green tea? Or a latte?" Yamato peered over her shoulder as she opened her own bag of snacks.

"Latte," he whispered, his warm breath tickling her ear.

The rest of the trip ensued without much fanfare. Taichi was almost immediately asleep after eating, softly snoring beside her. To her right, Yamato face was buried in a book.

"Guide to Kyoto?" she inquired, reading the English title with some difficulty.

He smiled at her. "There's a museum of traditional costumes 20 minutes from the station. Wanna go there first before Kyodai?"

She curiously examined the colorful pictures he pointed out to her. _The kimonos did look exquisite. She had never been to a costume museum before…_

Two-and-a-half hours later, they were exiting the station. First on their schedule was lunch at Taichi's insistence. As predicted, Yamato's bento was barely enough to curb his midday hunger decided on ramen, and headed to the lane of ramen stalls inside the Kyoto station.

She quickly called her father to tell him they had arrived. 'Let's have dinner together,' he had eagerly offered, his happiness evident in his tone. Sora learned how to read her father's emotions through his voice. His work, unfortunately, required him to stay in Kyoto for extended periods of time, leaving her and her mother to their own devices in Tokyo. Every night, Sora would content herself listening to her father's voice over the phone. To spend this weekend with him and her two best friends was the perfect way to celebrate the end of the series of college entrance exams.

After finishing their meal, the trio headed to the Costume Museum that Yamato was talking about. The location was a nondescript building along Horikawa Dori, but inside… _Oh!_ Sora felt like she had been transported to another world. The exhibits were of different scenes associated with Japan's Heian period – each tableau comprising of life-sized dolls in elaborate costumes depicting a scene from the bygone era. Her personal favorite (she stayed behind while the two boys went on ahead) was of Lady Tamakazura practicing ikebana. While the flowing emerald green, red and white robes on her doll took center stage, Sora could not help but notice the little details – the bouquet of flowers in her hand, or the gold accents on the lacquered wooden boxes.

 _My frustrated passion is like the reflection of the flares, floating on a river of tears, burning beneath the surface._

She wasn't sure why, but something stirred deep in her heart. It was a seemingly simple feeling which slowly grew into an aching pain. Her hands went up to catch the tears falling from her eyes.

 _Now that summer has come, the mosquito smudge smolders in the doorway. How long must my passion burn like that muffled flame?_

Taichi's voice calling out her name snapped her out of her daze. Quickly wiping her tears on her sleeve, she took a deep breath and ran to rejoin him and Yamato.

* * *

"Kyodai looks a whole lot like Todai," Sora mused out aloud.

Taichi turned to her in mock outrage. "Only it's a hundred times cooler! Forget Todai. Let's all study here. Kyoto's amazing!"

"It's also very far away," Yamato pointed out. "There's no way in hell I could leave Dad alone in Tokyo for that long. He'd die from starvation."

"Or get buried under piles of dirty laundry," Sora added with a giggle. "Come on, let's look for Taichi's building." She linked her arms with both boys' and pulled them in the direction of the famous Kyodai clock tower. They sauntered along the tree-lined walkways, pointing out interesting-looking buildings. They finally arrived at a three-storey building with a curved roof.

"Is this it?" Taichi asked to no one in particular.

Yamato chewed on his bottom lip as he regarded the sign in front of them. "Faculty of Integrated Human Studies," he murmured thoughtfully. His eyes suddenly lit up. "Hey Sora, isn't this your dad's building as well?"

"Yes." Recognition dawned on her face. She had been here years ago, when she was still a child. Her mother brought here there one summer for the Gion Festival. She recalled wearing a bright blue yukata, and walking hand in hand with her father underneath a canopy of lanterns while the delicious aroma emanating from the night food stalls lingered in the air. It was one of the moments with her father that she deeply treasured.

They found Takenouchi Haruhiko's office with little difficulty. Upon entering, Sora's gaze fell on the familiar figure hunched over his desk. He immediately straightened up upon realizing his daughter was there. The lines around his eyes deepened as his face broke into a wide smile. "Sora!"

Forgetting all sense of decorum, she launched herself straight into his outstretched arms. _She missed him so much. She, like her mother, had tried to be so brave. Oh if only Kyoto were a short train ride away…_

"Let me look at you," her father murmured, holding Sora's shoulders firmly. His eyes glazed with tears as they flew all over her face. It was then that he noticed the two boys at the door. "Ah, Taichi, Yamato, welcome! I hope you had a good trip?"

"It was fine, Papa. Taichi behaved."

The man gave the teen a pleased look. "Sora told me about your plans to attend Kyoto University. I think you made a fine choice."

The corners of Taichi's mouth turned up. "Unlike these two…" he said, smirking at Sora. She shot him a glare.

"Oh?" Haruhiko's returned to his daughter. His eyebrows were raised in genuine curiosity. "Have you decided what university to attend? I heard from your mother that you were accepted into Tohoku and Handai."

"Um…" she blushed, glancing at Yamato who was looking back at her proudly. "Actually… University of Tokyo also accepted me."

"Really? Well I cannot say I'm not surprised." Pride was evident in her father's voice. "Congratulations, Sora! I'm so proud! We should celebrate tonight."

"Yamato too, Papa," Sora laughed, falling again into his embrace. "He got accepted into the Faculty of Engineering at Todai."

"I am in the company of geniuses!" Haruhiko exclaimed with twinkling eyes. He took Sora's hand and led her to the door where her friends were wearing matching grins. "Come Taichi, I will give you a tour of our faculty. Then, dinner! How does sukiyaki sound? Or sushi?"

Her best friend didn't even need a second to think. "I think both sound great!"

The four of them burst into laughter as they walked out into the hallway.

* * *

Their Kyoto trip was a large success. Taichi (with Yamato) found a few housing options for his next few years in the city. Sora, in the meantime, was able to spend an entire morning with her father. He took her to the Kinakakuji Temple with its famous golden-leaf exterior. That afternoon, they met the two boys at Shosei-en garden with its beautiful sakura trees. After visiting one more Buddhist temple and stopping by the market for an early dinner, they boarded the Shinkansen bound for Tokyo.

Taichi collapsed in his aisle seat and immediately fell asleep from exhaustion.

"Yama…"

"Hm?" Her boyfriend looked up from his phone to glance at her. "What's up?"

"Thanks for coming with me," she said with a smile. "I'd thank the idiot too, but he's in a coma right now."

Yamato returned her smile and gestured at his shoulder. "You can take a nap if you want. I'll wake you guys up before our stop."

"Thanks," Sora whispered, leaning against his shoulder. Her eyes fixated on their intertwined hands on his lap until her vision grew hazy and sleep took over.

She woke up somewhere between Kanagawa and Yokohama with only half an hour left in their journey. Noticing Yamato had also fallen asleep, she very carefully plucked the headphones off his head and placed it on her own. Soft music from an unfamiliar foreign band filled her ears. Bopping her head to the beat, Sora opened a small sketchpad and started on a design loosely based on one of the traditional kimonos she saw in Kyoto. She was so engrossed in her activity that she didn't notice the two heads peering over her shoulders.

"Stop breathing down my neck," she hissed at her friends, tearing off the headphones. "I can smell your dinner from here."

"It's never stopped you from sticking your tongue in his mouth," Taichi coolly interjected without missing a beat.

Yamato's blue eyes narrowed in a glare. "Do you want to die?" he growled.

Before either of them could act on that, Sora quickly extended both arms on either side of her body to prevent any physical fights from erupting. _God, being with these two in public was exhausting. She was seriously going to reconsider any future long-distance trips with her best friends after this._ "No killing, please Yama. And Taichi," her eyes traveled to the other boy sitting beside her. "Stop being an idiot."

Taichi crossed his arms over his chest with an indignant huff. Muttering darkly under his breath, he turned his attention to Sora's sketch on her lap.

His staring unnerved her. _It was one thing to show her friends her flower arrangements, but her designs? They were boys, for goodness sake. She did not expect them to understand the flow of fabric as it draped the female form, or how shades of color complemented different skin tones_. "So… what do you think?" she queried after a few seconds. Her eyes were still narrowed suspiciously at her best friend. He seemed to be in an irritable mood since leaving Kyoto.

"It's good." Taichi's reply was strangely nonchalant, matching the quick shrug of his shoulders. "I'm stupid with art though. I don't think I can give you anything helpful. Yamato's the artistic guy."

Both eyes turned to the musician who huffed in mild exasperation. "I'm a bassist in a band, Taichi. My knowledge in clothes is equal to yours."

"But you dress so pretty all the time!"

"What? I don't-"

"Forget it, Yama," Sora sighed, cutting him off, quickly regretting the decision to ask for their input. "It's a silly drawing." She looked at the kimono design one more time before turning to a fresh new page. She took a slow, deep breath and started to sketch again. The sound of her pencil against paper calmed her down as she worked.

After a long pause, Yamato let out a sigh, and placed his hand on her arm. "Nothing you make is silly, Sor. We were just messing around. Can I have another look at it?"

"I'm working."

"Please, Sora? We're soooorry," Taichi wheedled.

Suppressing the urge to smack them both, Sora shoved the pad into Yamato's lap before folding her arms in a huff. She allowed a few seconds of their eerie silence before deciding she had enough.

"That bad?" She tried to joke, cringing immediately at how pathetic she sounded.

"It looks familiar…" Yamato mused, still regarding her drawing with intense concentration. "Is this from the exhibit from that museum?"

She was not expecting him to be that perceptive. Her face flushed heavily at getting caught. "It was a scene from 'The Tale of Genji.' Something in that tableau… it spoke to me." It felt weird actually discussing this part of her life with them – her designs, where she got inspiration from. Although her best friends were aware of Sora's interest in drawing people, she never talked to them about how much she loved it, how much it gave her happiness.

"Have you heard back from Bunka?"

Sora whipped her head toward Taichi, who was eyeing her with a curious look on his face. _Please, not this conversation again…_

"You sent your application?" Yamato asked. "Wow, so that means you actually told your mom."

Sora mentally groaned. Defending her decisions in front of Taichi was hard enough. Her bull-headed best friend always found a way to get under her skin, to make her second-guess herself. But with Yamato tag-teaming him? She might as well wave the white flag of surrender.

"You didn't though, did you, Sora? You sent it anyway without her knowing."

"What? Why? You know your mom would support you either way!"

"Shut up!" she snapped, making the two boys jump in their seats. She glared at her boyfriend first, only because he was supposed to be on her side. Then, she shifted her glare to Taichi. "I already told you that I'm not going to Bunka."

"Why not? You always draw people and kimonos and I dunno… clothes? You love this stuff. Why not make a career out of it?"

"It's not part of the plan," she gritted out with much difficulty. A pulsating headache started to form on her left temple. Sora closed her eyes and pressed her fingertips to the area, massaging it. "I've been thinking about this all year. I want to succeed my mother as iemoto."

"But you love drawing!"

"I love my mother!" she cried. Realizing how loud her voice had become, her hand flew over her mouth. Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes.

"Sora…" Yamato's voice was as gentle as his hand on her shoulder. "Neither of us is doubting that. We just want to know why this is upsetting you so much. If you've already made your decision to attend Todai, why are you angry at us for bringing up Bunka?"

"Because… because…" she trailed off into silence and tears. Taichi's arm snaked around her back, resting also on her shoulder, on top of Yamato's hand. Before she knew it, she was crying frantically into her hands. Both of them remained surprisingly quiet as she heaved huge sobs.

"I-I… I want to help my mother…" Sora blubbered semi-coherently. "It is our family's responsibility to preserve the traditions of Ikenobo. My mother is the only one of her generation who trained under my grandmother. I'm her only child. No one else can succeed her."

Such was the life of an iemoto – to have the future planned out for as early as the days in the womb. It had always been a source of anxiety on her part because Sora developed a mind of her own during her elementary school years. Rebelling against her mother's strict upbringing, another influence of growing up under the traditional and rigid iemoto structure, drove a wedge between mother and daughter. It took a few years after her realization before they were able to repair what was once broken. Since then, it had always been Sora's promise to open her mind to her mother's teachings.

Ikebana turned out to be not as bad as she thought. There was a spiritual quality to the art that she had never experienced before. She thought that she could practice it for the rest of her life, yes, maybe. And pass it on to her future children when the time came.

"But it's not what you want…" Taichi insisted.

"You don't know what I want!"

Strong arms firmly grabbed at her shoulders and pulled. It felt like time had slowed down as her vision shifted from Taichi's concerned face to the front of Yamato's navy blue shirt. Glancing up for a split second, she caught him direct a frown at their brunette friend before settling his gaze on her. The fire in his eyes died in an instant.

She buried her face in the soft folds of his shirt.

"It's okay. We don't have to talk about this now."

"Stop coddling her, Yamato!"

"I'm not-"

"You're just as bad as she is!" Taichi interrupted, actually sounding pissed at him. "If she doesn't face this, she never will. And you," he gritted and she was sure that the rest of his words were directed to her now, "Will live the rest of your life regretting not telling your mother about Bunka."

 _There… there was that word again – regret. It was one of her most dreaded feelings, but one she experienced on an almost daily basis._

"Taichi, stop it!"

"Why, Yama? You know I'm right!"

"Just shut-"

"You don't know," she muttered, her voice, although soft, cut through the beginnings of another rebuttal from the stubborn blond still holding her. Her mind was reeling from her emotions and her thoughts crashing into one another, forming a messy storm. "You don't know what it's like to grow up with my family. It's nothing like what you have, Taichi. Mama wanted to be an elementary school teacher. She was going to study education when she entered Kyodai, but her older sister, the iemoto heir, died. She had to give up her dreams for a greater cause. Mama never regretted it. Mama was happy serving her family. And I am too."

Yamato's hands found their way to her hair. His fingers tangled in the messy strands, applying gentle pressure to her scalp, presumably to calm her down.

"It's not always about doing what you want, it's wanting to do what is right. I can choose to be upset about inheriting the school and be miserable the rest of my life. Or accept it…" her voice trailed off uncertainly. _Regret. Don't regret, Sora, just do._

"Or accept it, and learn to be happy," Yamato finished for her.

She lifted her eyes long enough to give him a wobbly smile of gratitude. His hard gaze softened as he pulled her to him once again. The skin of her scalp tingled with the feel of Yamato's lips grazing the area in a soft kiss. "We get it. We're sorry," he murmured, "For pushing you today."

A beat. She imagined her boyfriend trading silent glares with Taichi to pressure him into apologizing as well. She'd do it too, when both of the boys were in an argument and only one (usually Taichi) had enough sense to apologize. "Yeah, we're sorry," her best friend finally acquiesced.

They transferred two more times before finally reaching Odaiba. Taichi went on ahead as his apartment was in the opposite direction of theirs. It was past ten o' clock when they got back to her apartment. Yamato hung back as Sora tried to open the lock.

"Will you be all right?" he finally asked her. His voice was low and very soft. If not for the complete silence, she would have missed what he said.

Sora avoided his eyes as she answered him. "I will be. I'm just really tired. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay." The boy reached for her hand and traced five letters into her palm. 'Sorry.' It was enough to soothe her residual irritation against him. He made those tiny circles with his thumb after, while his impossibly blue eyes locked with hers. _She could never stay angry with him for too long. Even Taichi. They always found a way to sneak back into her good graces. She just loved them both too much._

He pulled her in with his eyes and his hands, hands that skimmed across her cheek to brush her stubborn bangs away, down her jaw line, and across her parted lips.

"Good night then?"

Then, without breaking his gaze on her, he lifted her hand, and barely touched the inner surface of her wrist to his lips. It's enough to light her on fire. He pulled her in again, closer, until the distance between them disappeared. She let him whisper his _good nights_ and _I love yous_ into her hair and skin, with his breath and his fingers burning her, branding her.

"I-I should go…" Sora barely heard herself saying because it was all breaths, sighs and the way he mumbled her name over and over.

He heard her though. "You should." With a sigh of regret, Yamato released her. Sora's back hit the wooden door with a soft thud. It felt cold. Without him, she felt cold. She gave him a small smile, one that she hoped gave him enough reassurance that she had forgiven him for prying.

"Thank you, Yamato. I'll see you tomorrow."

He raised his hand just as the corner of his mouth tilted upward. With a small wave, he was gone.

She turned back to the unopened lock, not before realizing she dropped her keys on the floor. Blushing slightly upon remembering what Yamato had done to make her do that, she fumbled at the lock with her trembling fingers.

"Oh good, you're home," her mother called out from the living room when she entered. "How was your trip?"

"We had so much fun," she replied, walking over to her to give her a hug. "I told Papa about Todai."

The smile on her mother's was immediate. "He is very proud of you, darling," she told her. "As am I."

"Thank you, Mama." Sora kissed her cheek, picked up her bag from the floor and headed for her room. "We already had dinner with Papa earlier. I'm going to bed now."

"Sora?" The urgency in her mother's voice made her stop in her tracks.

Sora turned to face her mother. "Yes, Mama?"

"I just want you to know," she hesitated as her eyes darted around the room before settling on her daughter's own, "You can tell me anything, okay? Anything. I'm your mother, and I love you. "

Sora's eyes widened as she saw a white envelope dangling form her mother's fingers. A horrible feeling started to grow in the pit of her stomach. "What is that?" _He mother needn't answer though. Somehow, she already knew what the envelope contained._

Her mother walked briskly to her side of the living room. Silently handing her the envelope, Sora stared at the words printed on the back: Bunka Fashion College.

 _Oh no!_ "Mama, I can explain!" she cried.

Toshiko grabbed both her hands. Cold – her hands felt eerily cold. "Fashion school? You never told me you were interested in fashion."

While Sora developed the skill to read her father's tone, her mother's true emotions still eluded her. _Was she angry? Did she feel betrayed? Was it just her imagination, or… did her last statement sound almost accusatory?_ "I-it's just a hobby, Mama. There was an ad in the newspaper so I applied. It was a whim. I don't really want to go."

"Are you sure? Your course in Tokyo University is completely different from this. Maybe you just don't realize that this is more than a hobby…"

"It's not!" The horror only settled in when she realized her mother looked perplexed at how rudely she interrupted her. "I'm sorry!" Sora begged her, wringing the poor envelope in her hands. "I-I didn't mean to interrupt. I just… I love ikebana! I love the flower shop and the school! This is all a silly mistake."

"Sora, what is happening with you? This isn't like you at all."

"I'm sorry!" Her outburst stopped Toshiko in her tracks. "I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt you." Sora thought she had run out of tears from earlier, but her eyes were stinging again. _No… she promised herself she would be strong when facing her mother. Yet faced with her then, her resolve crumbled. It was always like this with her._

When Sora felt her mother's arms circle around her, every last bit of strength within her vanished. She crumbled into her mother's embrace. As they clung to each other, shaking, Sora realized her mother was crying too.

"Have I done you wrong, Sora? Did I say something to make you think that I am upset with you?"

"I-I… just…" She tried gulping down her sobs, but they kept bubbling out of her throat. "I want you to be proud of me."

"But I already am, my love. You've grown into a fine young woman. A mother could not be more pleased." There was no mistaking the sincerity in her mother's tone this time, bringing comfort to Sora's heart. They remained silent for a while, as Toshiko tenderly stroked her hair while humming a tune. It was one of the lullabies she used to sing to her when she was small.

"So tell me about this hobby. Is it drawing, or fashion or-?"

Sora gave her mother a watery smile. "I like designing things – tradaitional clothes," she said, already feeling her heart grow a little lighter as bits of her confession tumbled out. "I thought maybe I could apply in Bunka just to see if I'm good enough. But I've thought about it a bit, and I want to be an iemoto even more. It means a lot to me too, and to you, so that's what I decided. I'm sorry, Mama. I won't keep secrets from you anymore."

Toshiko nodded slowly, while gently brushing her bangs off her forehead. "I don't mind that you did not tell me right away. I understand that you were scared. My only wish, Sora, is for you to live your life without any regrets. You have always been more than capable to do whatever you want. I'm just worried you will look back and wish you did something else."

"Like you?" she asked her quietly. Guilt again resurfaced and settled at the pit of her stomach. It felt heavy, twisted and bitter. "Did you regret becoming an iemoto – having to change your plans for the future? Did you regret having me?"

The light of the room shone in her mother's widened eyes. Her father told her once that it was her mother's eyes that initially drew him to her. The color was so peculiar – like blood and sunsets. They were university students then when he first met her, and he was immediately smitten.

Toshiko's eyes were full of love as she gazed at her daughter. "Oh Sora…" she sighed while holding her close. "If there are two things in life that I can never regret, it's loving your father and having you. You have made me the happiest mother alive. Of course I don't regret having you."

 _Why, for even a second, did she ever doubt her mother's love for her? She was already taught this lesson before, back when she was an awkward 11-year-old with frequently scraped knees and a passion for football._

"Now, shall we open it? Let's see if this Bunka College is any good in recognizing your talent." Her mother's fingers tugged the envelope from her grip. She was wearing a small smile now after their heart-to-heart talk.

"Okay." The slight waver of her voice betrayed her nervousness at the prospect of finding out if she had been accepted… or not.

With one arm still around Sora's shoulder, her mother carefully ripped the side and shook out the folded sheets of paper. They simultaneously held their breath as she unfolded them.

The top line was her name. Underneath was a single word: Congratulations. There was more in the succeeding paragraphs, probably the required paperwork and whatnot, but she didn't care to read them just yet. She looked up to see mother smiling proudly at her. "See? You are more than capable. I am so proud of you. Congratulations, Sora!"

 _It felt good to be told she was enough, but after seeing her mother so happy and proud… it felt even better._

* * *

A/N: Todai/UTokyo = Tokyo University, Kyodai = Kyoto University, Handai = Osaka University, Shinkansen = Japan's high-speed train, Tamakazura = a character from The Tale of Genji, Ikebana = Japanese art of flower-arrangement, Iemoto = grandmaster of a school of traditional Japanese art, Ikenobo = an old school of ikebana

Passages in the museum scene (the lines that made Sora cry) are from Kokinwakashu, an anthology of ancient Japanese poetry.

Thanks so much for reading my fic. I'd really appreciate a review. Feedback means so much to me. Takeru will round this up next chapter.


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